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First of all, BF is not working right now and had nothing else going on except that he says he does not care if D was on icy roads.  Attorney's had to interfere because he always uses the excuse of not caring about D at all.  The BF is the one with control issues.  Anytime he wants something I am supposed to be the simpering little lady that always has to yield to him.  But if I come up with something, then he bows up and refuses.  You people say that I am the control freak, well hear this.  When he wants to use D on his taxes in my year, I am told to allow it because I am not filing a return, when BF wants to pick up D and any other time or see D extra, I am told to allow it.  But anything that I am wanting or asking, I am told that I am being a jealous vindictive ex.  There are too many vindictive males who only want what they want because after all they gave the sperm.  We women have our lives put on hold for nine months, go through labor, nurture a newborn loose our bodies, and have a new take on life because we become mothers.  But the men are supposed to get it all because that is "what they want".  Well, I am sick of the men who have this attitude.  I have seen first hand how a father can handle the situation with dignity.  My brother was in the same situation, not married, and the mother and father both handled this out of court and have a great relationship because he wanted what was best for his daughter and not "what he wanted". 
In your eyes, I will never have a stand on anything because I am a woman after all.  Women don't know anything and we are all vindictive.  Well you are the idiots who made us this way.  If you were truely interested in what is in a child's best interest you would all get off of your high horses and come back to the real world. 
And for your information, BF's mother came to get D because he would not face me after an attorney chewed him out for the way he talks to me.  And yes, it was recorded.   All I wanted was for someone here to give me some advice and not make me feel as if I am the vindictive ex who cannot get over the man because according to you, I must still be in love with him.  No thank you. I don't need this kind of idiocracy.

Thank you and goodbye!!!

Everyone who comes to this site has issues and baggage, that's why we came.  But it is wrong to bash the person with a question or worry based on your own history.  It's not only the mother that gives problems, it is the father, too.
Here's my deal.  The BF broke up with me when I told him I was pregnant.  We had been trying for a baby for over a year and had suffered one miscarriage.  Throughout the pregnancy he would call me and rant that this was not his baby....he initiated the calls, not me.
When the baby was born BF came to the hospital and demanded immediate visitation.  One month later he filed for custody, six months later he requested a paternity test.
For the first year BF would come by every other week for 45 minutes.  I tried hard to convince him he needed to come by more often and for longer periods of time, but he said he didn't have the time.  The family all went to either another part of the house or we went outside while BF was visiting, we stayed within earshot but gave them space so he wouldn't feel like we were 'spying'.
It's over 2 years now and this is still not settled.  BF has changed lawyers several times and with each lawyer he brings in new demands.
BF began taking the baby for 4 hours, then 8 hours, one over night, and now 2 overnights.  During that time BF has; sent the baby home with diaper rash so severe repeatedly so I finally called in DHS, refuses to give prescription medicines, wants pick up times arranged so he has to provide as few meals as possible (says he doesn't want to cook supper), has given the baby whole milk in spite of the fact that he was given a doctor's note stating the baby was lactose intolerant ( I got to deal with the diaper rash), gives the baby bananas even though I've asked him repeatedly not to because they constipate baby ( I get to deal with that, too), refuses to make sure baby gets a nap during the day (she is so exhausted by Sunday evening that we have problems through Monday due to lack of sleep), has a sleep over girl friend even though the paper work he agreed to says he's not supposed to, refuses to answer my calls the 2 times I have tried to call to check on baby because she was ill when he picked her up, has taught baby some choice 4 letter words (we don't swear at our house), refuses to give her juice ( I now send soy milk and juice each visitation) gives her bubble baths ( I got to deal with the UTI), demanded that I let him carry the baby on his taxes this year even though it's not his year because he has 'bills' ( my lawyer told me not to let him because he still doesn't pay child support), doesn't brush the baby's teeth ( I send a bag with all toilitries and clothes each visitation), started giving her soda so she began crying for it at our home ( we have broken down to sprite with water only when we eat out since this has become an issue).
The lastest is today.  We are in the midst of a terrible ice storm.  Our area almost never gets this sort of weather, about every 3-4 years.  I called BF, asked if he wanted to pick baby up at 3 p.m. to avoid driving at dusk on the ice.  BF informed me he wasn't worried about driving on ice.  I expressed concern that it was for the safety for baby, he restated that he wasn't worried.  BF isn't working due to back surgery recently.
And I'm supposed to bend over backwards?  I agree everyone has different parenting styles, but when does different parenting styles become neglect? 
And if BF is that concerned then why doesn't he understand that forming bonds is important to an infant and that ripping a baby from the only voice it has heard for nine months in the womb is o.k.?  If BF is so interested in being a good daddy then maybe he should work a little harder at getting along with BM.  Compromise works both ways.

The difference is if you were together there would be agreements made.  In situations where parents are not together too many times the NCP does not believe anything the CP says and has to prove them wrong.  Why is that???  Fathers do need time with their children, but when the father won't spend the time with the child to get the child to know them and automatically want to seperate them from all they have ever known is wrong.  We need to stop looking at the best interest of the NCP and look at the best interest of the child.  The children have become lost in all of this mess and in 20 years we will look back and say "we should have done things differently".  We need to look at the children and their age and what psychiatrists are saying today.  We need to give these children time to adjust to a situation in which they did not choose to be in.  We as parents need to try to do everything for our children and not for ourselves. 
Too many people on this website are too caught up in their hatred and not interested in the children.  That is where we need to go back to, the children.

I completely understand how you feel.  My ex had supervised visitation with me in the home and anytime he was with our daughter, he would show no caring for the child.  Would not change diapers, feed her, etc.  Said those things spoil a child.  I was and still am a stay at home mom, but there is a difference in situation there.  If you leave your child at day care, you are paying someone with clean backgrounds and who has been trained and told by you how to care for children.  The daycare workers are supposed to listen to your instructions and abide by them.  In this situation, there is no guarantee on any of these situations.  You people need to sit up and remember how you felt about your children when they were young and could not communicate fully to you.  People here are looking for a shoulder not someone telling them off. 
Sorry, but with my daughters father, the courts did not care about him not changing her, or any of that.  He was the father and got visitation immediately.

Well, I have a question then.  I agree totally that the child does best when both parents are involved and are working together FOR the child.
But what about the NCP who refuses to talk to the custodial parent about anything.  When I try to discuss something; potty training, food allergies, illness, the NCP walks away as if he isn't interested.  Then the only time the NCP wants to duscuss something is when it's in their best interest such as at tax time, pick up times for their convienence, girlfriends.
When do you draw the line and expect the NCP to behave like an adult......or is that just wishful thinking?

I am just wondering if it is my area or if all parents who have physical and legal custody of their children have to give into what the NCP wants.  I am constantly being told that the NCP has the rights and that I have to just go with the flow.  Do any other people have this same problem?

Thanks to all who gave such good advice.  Daugher talked to her lawyer, they are meeting Friday.  Lawyer said the same thing, choose your battles.  However since ex has had 3 fiance's in the last 4 years, he is questioning whether or not this will hold.  The lawyer said he is far more concerned as to whom is going to watch the baby while he is down.  Lawyer said to get a tape recorder, and tonight when he picks baby up for Christmas Eve ask him who is going to take care of the baby and tell him they need to get a plan on how to do pick ups before the time arrives.  Lawyer also said not to talk to him anymore without a recording device since last nigth when ex called he said he is going 'to get her (daugher)" which implies a threat.
Lawyer also said he will get it on the court docket Friday so hopefully this will be resolved before much longer.
Daughter is going to offer to let his mom pick up the baby a few hours early so she doesn't have to drive after dark during his down time.
The ex has issues...I just don't know how my daughter every slept with a sleeze ball like this!  When she gets too mad I remind her that she knew what she was doing and who she was dealing with when she got pregnant and that now the best thing she can do is be the best parent she knows how to be!  Don't I sound supportive?!

Let me get this straight.......the ex and my daughter signed the agreement in front of their lawyers, but the judge hasn't signed off on it yet.  So.....until the judge does sign off then neither has to follow what they signed?  So by that train of thought then if my daughter refuses to let fiance pick up the baby then she could be punished by the judge ultimately.  And if she does let fiance pick up baby then she has set a precident and will have to follow it.  Catch 22?
This is just too unreal for words.

"We" is my daughter, my husband and I.  We live on the same ranch.  We own it and my daughter is our foreman.  She makes all the decisions, sees that the work gets done, handles the horses, deals with sales and does all the bookwork since she is an accountant!   Since we work together on the ranch we are all together all day long.  I spend almost as much time with my grand-daughter as my daughter does.  My day is 7 to 7  during which time I'm at the main house where my daughter lives.  If my daughter is busy or doing something that the baby cannot be around then I take over.  My husband and I do all the tractor work and heavy work and will continue to do so until grand-d is in school and my daughter can go back to the manual work unless she decides to return to work as an accountant.
My daughter does not date and is not interested in dating. 
So, when I say 'we' I'm refering to the family unit.  And no, I'm not a busy body and I do not interfere with what my daughter decides in regards to her child.  I give her my support and love.

The visitation schedule that was signed off on by both parties states that romantic interests and friends may not facilitate in the pick up of the child.  The judge has yet to sign off on the paper work because BF keeps switching lawyers.
Now BF has called and says his 'fiance' will be picking up the child for the next several weeks because he is having back surgery.  BF lives right beside his mother who is retired.  I said that the fiance may not pick up the child, BF said he will 'get me' for this!
Who is right?  Will we be punished for not allowing the fiance to pick up the child even though we are following the decree?
And if we bend on this then where do we draw the line?
We are not trying to be 'hard-nosed'.  We would like to work with the BF, but he has throw so many problems in our direction that it is getting difficult to be civil. 
I'm all for father's rights.  But when do mother's rights and child rights kick in?