who can facilitate the pick up of the child?

[[email protected]]

The visitation schedule that was signed off on by both parties states that romantic interests and friends may not facilitate in the pick up of the child.  The judge has yet to sign off on the paper work because BF keeps switching lawyers.
Now BF has called and says his 'fiance' will be picking up the child for the next several weeks because he is having back surgery.  BF lives right beside his mother who is retired.  I said that the fiance may not pick up the child, BF said he will 'get me' for this!
Who is right?  Will we be punished for not allowing the fiance to pick up the child even though we are following the decree?
And if we bend on this then where do we draw the line?
We are not trying to be 'hard-nosed'.  We would like to work with the BF, but he has throw so many problems in our direction that it is getting difficult to be civil. 
I'm all for father's rights.  But when do mother's rights and child rights kick in?

[tigger]

Who is "we"? 

The agreement is supposed to be between you and your ex, not you/new interest and your ex.

[[email protected]]

"We" is my daughter, my husband and I.  We live on the same ranch.  We own it and my daughter is our foreman.  She makes all the decisions, sees that the work gets done, handles the horses, deals with sales and does all the bookwork since she is an accountant!   Since we work together on the ranch we are all together all day long.  I spend almost as much time with my grand-daughter as my daughter does.  My day is 7 to 7  during which time I'm at the main house where my daughter lives.  If my daughter is busy or doing something that the baby cannot be around then I take over.  My husband and I do all the tractor work and heavy work and will continue to do so until grand-d is in school and my daughter can go back to the manual work unless she decides to return to work as an accountant.
My daughter does not date and is not interested in dating. 
So, when I say 'we' I'm refering to the family unit.  And no, I'm not a busy body and I do not interfere with what my daughter decides in regards to her child.  I give her my support and love.

[Kitty C.]

If the judge hasn't signed yet, you do NOT have an agreement.  Which means he can allow whomever he wants to pick up the child.  UNLESS you have a temporary order (something that would have been established in the first or second court appearance to use temporarily until the final order is worked out), there's nothing you can do about it.  Apparently the NCP knows this and is taking every advantage of it.

After reading your other post, I think you need to realize that there is nothing 'fair' about family court.  Your son and his ex may have a great parenting relationship, but it looks like you might have the opposite situation with your daughter and her ex.  And also realize that once there is a final agreement regarding custody, the only way it can be modified is if there is a 'significant change of circumstance' regarding the child.  And interpretation of that can be different with any judge.  Basically, the child would practically have to be in imminent danger to get the court to modify/change custody.  So even tho he's changing attys. almost as often as his shorts, make damn sure that whatever your daughter agrees to will carry through from now until the child is of age of majority.

Family court is not about 'being fair'.  And if the ex doesn't 'play well with others', then your daughter has a long road ahead of her.  Unfortunately, the child will pay the price............all you can provide is a soft place for her to fall, a safe place for her to be when the crap hits the fan.  All you can do it hope and pray that the ex eventually grows up.

A long time ago I told DH 'As long as your ex hates you more than she loves her son, you will constantly have problems.'  And for the past few years we haven't had too many problems, at least not like it used to be.....and it can only be because either SS is older (understands what's going on and won't put up with her crap anymore), she's too tired to put up a fight anymore, or the hate has faded.  Take your pick.  It sounds like you might have the same kind of situation brewing.

[[email protected]]

Let me get this straight.......the ex and my daughter signed the agreement in front of their lawyers, but the judge hasn't signed off on it yet.  So.....until the judge does sign off then neither has to follow what they signed?  So by that train of thought then if my daughter refuses to let fiance pick up the baby then she could be punished by the judge ultimately.  And if she does let fiance pick up baby then she has set a precident and will have to follow it.  Catch 22?
This is just too unreal for words.

[Giggles]

This is just too unreal for words.

Welcome to the wonderful world of "Family Court"!!

It does stink and much of it doesn't make sense what-so-ever!!!

I'm one of the lucky one's I guess...my X and I learned early on that family court and fighting just wasn't worth the $$$.  We've been divorced since before DD was 2....he has custody but since we have a great co-parenting relationship...she has grown into a very well rounded young lady.  My DD is now going to be 17 (gulp), and has grown up with the love and support of BOTH her parents.  X and I talk frequently on the phone...especially now since she's a teen and we make sure we back each other up when it comes to her!!!

It sounds to me like your DD's X is being ruled perse by his "fiance"....you need to tread lightly here because many of us on these boards have seen the "New" person in an X's life try and take over things.  Your DD needs to be firm that ALL dealings regarding the child are between her and X.  As for letting the Fiance pick the child up...perhaps that's a blessing in disguise??  That way you get to meet her...see what type of person she is....how your grand-D responds to her and perhaps a way to appeal to getting them to feed grand-d properly??? 

[MixedBag]

Courts enforce orders, not agreements.

Agreements signed off by both parties can be submitted to the court and turned into an order.

Agreements are binding to both parties if both signed -- but unenforceable until turned into an order.

Very very fine line particularly in family court.  If it sounds like I'm talking in circles, to a certain degree I am.

I think this situation falls under "pick and choose your battles".  Think this one through carefully, what's really important here?

The answer is that the child has a relationship with the father and mother.

And WHO facilitates and provides transportation doesn't really matter -- the fact that it DOES happen matters.

Think this one through, grandma.

If your daughter truly objects to his girlfriend/fiancee picking up the child during this period of time where he is having back surgery, maybe an offer to do all the transportation for XX weeks is the answer, and he in turn does all the transportation for an equal number of weeks.

Him showing his butt is part of the "normal process" where everyone is still testing each other's boundaries that have been established by the order.  Which is really just an agreement at this point.

Good luck and stay focused on what's REALLY important.

[[email protected]]

Thanks to all who gave such good advice.  Daugher talked to her lawyer, they are meeting Friday.  Lawyer said the same thing, choose your battles.  However since ex has had 3 fiance's in the last 4 years, he is questioning whether or not this will hold.  The lawyer said he is far more concerned as to whom is going to watch the baby while he is down.  Lawyer said to get a tape recorder, and tonight when he picks baby up for Christmas Eve ask him who is going to take care of the baby and tell him they need to get a plan on how to do pick ups before the time arrives.  Lawyer also said not to talk to him anymore without a recording device since last nigth when ex called he said he is going 'to get her (daugher)" which implies a threat.
Lawyer also said he will get it on the court docket Friday so hopefully this will be resolved before much longer.
Daughter is going to offer to let his mom pick up the baby a few hours early so she doesn't have to drive after dark during his down time.
The ex has issues...I just don't know how my daughter every slept with a sleeze ball like this!  When she gets too mad I remind her that she knew what she was doing and who she was dealing with when she got pregnant and that now the best thing she can do is be the best parent she knows how to be!  Don't I sound supportive?!