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Her attorney even attempted to add this verbiage to the order: "Father shall waive his rights to an income deduction order in the occurance that mother defaults on her support obligation."

DH's attorney had it reworded to say, "Father shall have the right to an immediate income deduction order in the occurance that mother defaults on her support obligation." So no motions needed, DH can go straight to the courthouse, show the order and have the IDO served immediately.

State is Georgia. Began 6 years ago as a 50/50 with Mom as the primary custodial, with full CS being paid by DH. Actual parenting time for DH has been more than 50% since beginning (gradually increased each year from 52 to 85% ytd). All parenting time has been documented since 2003, along with notes of activities/expenditures and ALL correspondence b/t DH and Mom. DH continued to pay CS.

Due to issues 9 yo was having at Mom's house, DH filed for custody modification in February w/Mom's blessing.  No longer as a 50/50, but DH with sole - again, w/Mom's blessing. Mom blew a gasket when she went to attorney's office to sign paperwork and realized she would have to pay CS. She refused to sign.

FINALLY, after 3 postponements, had mediation on Tuesday. DH is now the primary custodial with 70/30. Mom refused to pay for any of son's expenses, including any amount of CS. Though not happy about it, she ended up with small amount of CS and 50% of medical/dental expenses - nothing else.  It came down to this or going to court, and she was told by her attorney and the mediator that she would end up with full CS and 50% of ALL expenses if she went to court.  DH's main concern was custody, not the money really (though the principle of it). Mom's main concern was money, not custody. According to DH not once did she fight over the custody, only the money.

Paperwork signed on Tuesday the 21st and she's already canceled her first scheduled weekend with son.

[female]

Then the FIRST thing I'd be asking this guy (and I would ONLY do it face-to-face) is that, if the child is SO intimidated by men, why isn't he intimidated by the psychologist and if he is, how can the psychologist even know that's what the problem is.  I would think that if the chld was truely intimidated by men, he would hardly open up to the psychologist.

I still think this guy is full of crap and that there could very well be drug issues with the child.  If this guy wants to continue along this line of thinking, tell him that you want a second opinion to confirm his diagnosis.  If he balks, then he's hiding something.  And if you can get a drug test done on the child, I think that would be enlightening.  I would strongly recommend doing this with a hair follicle test, as that has the best results for long term use.  And getting hair is much simpler then obtaining any other sample.........

I think the guy is full of crap as well. I also think there's some personal connection b/t he and the mother for 2 reasons, (A) his office is around the corner from her work and 45 minutes from  home. She has to leave work, drive 45 minutes home to get son and then turn around and drive 45 minutes back to the appointment. I can guarantee there are psychologists in Boca Raton, where they live.  (B) He fought very hard in conversation with DH to say that mom's previous abusive relatonship has nothing to do with son's intimidation, and that she has done nothing wrong or illegal in any of this. How would he know whether she's done anything illegal or not? He's not an attorney, and he'd seen her at 2 sessions at the time of this conversation.

Nothing DH can do, short of legal action, will make the mother do anything --- never has, thus the reason for this motion to compel. We're hoping that the judge will go for second psych opinion with a female pediatric psych this time and drug testing (yes to follicle).

Going to be VERY difficult to make the counselor switch... Best bet is to ask the counselor for a phone session (have him bill it..) and let him in on what has been going on. Remember that he is basing his diagnosis with what BM is telling him. I would have a script in front of me..so you remember key points, what the court visitation schedule it...etc.

Then after that meeting, I would type up a summary with a copy of the custody orders and send it to the therapist to be put in his file...(maybe with some happy pictures of the two of you..lol)

See how the phone meeting goes, and suggest ways of keeping contact or ask him how you can keep contact. That you would be willing to be available by phone for any session do discuss issues so this can be addressed and dealt with.

DH has had a phone session with psychologist already, but seemed to be very one sided. I had the benefit of hearing conversation only because DH could not figure out how to turn off speaker on his new cell.  This man's main concern was that DH was taking legal actions against the mother, and not the basis of issues with son.  Each and every time DH would begin to ask a question or make a comment, the psych would cut him off. Not productive at all.

DH is scheduled to be at son's next appointment in May, as well as a follow up solo session with psych immediately afterwards. Hopefully that session will be more insightful and productive.

No, a judge cannot rule on a motion not before them.

Are you asking for general knowledge purposes or because you are hoping they will change custody? They can't unless it was filed for.  Additionally, what  have you filed previously and has she ever been held in contempt? Courts are not likely to change custody if this is the first time you are asking for assistance, typically (not always) custody change is a last resort for these issues and the remedy is usually make up visitation. 

Regarding the doctors visits, do you have shared legal custody? If you do, then you can contact those physicians offices yourselves as well as the school to gain the information. Her not sharing it with you, does not preclude you from being able to access that information.

A threat to withhold visitation is not the same as an actual visit being withheld.  What is it you specifically asked the courts for?

First of all, there's not enough time to fully explain all the crazy details of this situation. Also, one can never really understand until they're mired neck deep in the situation.

DH is in Georgia, son is in Florida with mother. The courts have been asked to assign a GAL for DH's son to ensure that mom enters him into therapy and follows through. DH recently discovered son had been truant from school for 38 days straight. For 3 weeks or so, DH had been asking mother why son had failing grades and why homework was not being turned in, but mother would not answer questions. After no answer from mother, DH contacted school and was informed of the truancy. Mother kept changing her story. First said she knew of the truancy and made excuses that son was having issues at school; then DH refuted that with statements from teachers that son made great grades when in school. Then told the school that she would have a doctor's note for son's stomach issues that prevented him from attending, but when no note transpired and the school pushed the issue; she claimed the school was lying and that she had never told them that son had stomach issues. We know that mother knew for at least 2 weeks about truancy before DH knew and NEVER attempted to inform him. DH also found out at this time that the reason he was never contacted by school is that he was not listed as the father; stepdad was listed as the father. DH was not even listed as an emergency contact.

School counselor has been telling mother for sometime now, even before truancy, that son appeared to be depressed and would do well to see a therapist. Mother told counselor that she would consider it. After truancy, DH asked mother, in a rare person-to-person telephone call, when she was going to make that therapy appointment. Mother again said she would consider it. As soon as DH found out about the truancy and began conversations with teachers, and counselor son stopped all communication with DH. Refused to come up for Spring break. Refuses to come for summer. Refuses to receive phone calls from DH. Will exchange emails, but will only say that he hates DH and doesn't want to see him.   Mother is refusing to assist. Says it's DH's issue with son. Not her issue. 

Amazingly, up until son found out that DH knew about was actively investigating his truancy it was as if nothing was amiss. He and DH would text and call each other several times a week.

Motion to compel was filed to enforce therapy and assign GAL if need be. Motion was also filed to remedy the ongoing non-communication issue. The afternoon mother rec'd her copy of motion, she emailed DH that son had appointment. However, true to form she never arranged for DH to be included in initial parent session with psychologist even though DH asked. According to psychologist, mother told him that father was not active in child's life.

As of today, all the cell phone numbers we have for mother and boys have been disconnected. There is no home phone. No way to contact except for email. Mother has not returned emails from DH since March 27th. Return receipts show that she is opening emails.

Regarding medical, yes DH can contact doctors and has on many occasions. The issue is that mother makes medical decisions (such as the ADHD diagnosis of younger son) without including DH. He finds out when he receives the medical receipts for reimbursement.   There's 9 years of this kind of non-communication.

DH never filed for contempt, because the costs did not justify the end results - a slap on the wrist, just for her to continue the behavior.  She was warned by mediator, however, 2 years ago at support modification that her behavior at the time might warrant further action if it continued. She was caught at mediation lying about day care and insurance costs (as in collecting 2 years of day care when boys weren't in day care - to the tune of $6,000; and 5 years of collecting for insurance premiums when she didn't carry insurance - to the tune of $9,000).

The situation is so much worse now than it has ever been in the past, or maybe it's just that we've finally cracked the nut and it's always been this bad.

Anyone here every experience the courts making a custody change without the filing of mod for such by one of the parents?

Part of my story (DH's actually) is posted under the Psych board ("stepson intimidated by men").

Mother refuses any communication with DH about anything except for requests for status of where HER money is (e.g., child support, reimbursement of medical, other expenses.....). 

This lack of two-way communication (all in writing of course since she won't talk on phone with DH...and hasn't for years) includes:

• Questions about children's frequent and unfounded doctor appointments
  
• Questions about excessive school absences for past 2 years, including oldest son's recent truancy
  
• No communication from mother at all regarding major medical decisions (e.g., diagnosis of younger son's ADHD and choice of meds, oldest son's supposed stomach issues that included 3 MRI's in 1 month)
  
• No communication from mother regarding school conferences. This includes an IEP meeting that mother attended without DH ever knowing that son had an IEP. DH has even scheduled conferences in the past to have mother cancel them without his knowledge. (We are in Georgia, boys are in Florida)

This is just a small insight into the non-communication (and refusal to communicate) from mother's side. Tons of documentation.

There's also proof of repeated threats to withhold visitation and interference with visitation.

Getting prepared to go to court to get oldest son help with possible depression and answers to root of truancy issues that mother refuses to acknowledge. At this point DH is only asking for help for son, however the other ongoing issues will be addressed with the judge. Is it possible (or conceivable) that the judge might make this request herself?

There is something else I think you should explore.  You mentioned that the 13 y.o freely mentioned to you that the 14 y.o. 'had lost his sense of humor, angry all the time, yells at mom and stepdad, best friend is a 'loser.'   It is entirely possibly that the 14 y.o. might be involved with drugs, as these symptoms are almost identical.  Personally, I would be doing drug testing on him, just to make sure.

As for the whole 'born with intimidation of men', I would get another psychologist fast.  If and when you get to court, request a psych eval. and allow the court to choose the professional.  That way, if you and Bm were ordered to agree on one, it's practically guaranteed that she will turn down every referral you make.  Also make sure that there is a deadline, or the BM will drag this out as long as she possibly can.  And it sounds like this kid needs help NOW.

Suggestion:  ask for a pediatric psychologist.  Very different from an adult one and would understand children's issues better.

The drug testing is something we will request of the judge, as well as an overall physical and psych evaluation. Mom will do NOTHING that DH requests of her, so must be forced to do so by the courts.

Thanks for the suggestion of a pediatric psychologist. The psych that mom chose counsels "...from 2.5 years to 89..." as he proudly proclaims on his website. 

What needs to happen to get the courts to see this case sooner? Paperwork was file with the courts on March 27th. The attorney says that the courts will send her paperwork to complete, at which point she will file an objection.  Doing so will get her and DH in front of the judge directly so they can present evidence and concerns and plead for urgency. I guess unless DH has solid proof of drug use or something more concrete, it won't get pushed through any quicker.

You should do some research on the Net on Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome. There is a differentiation between these two terms. One involves bad behaviour (Parental Alienation) and the other involves mental pathology and directly involves the child, i.e. the child is an active and seemingly willing participant. Take careful note of the term seemingly.

Cheers

Hal

P.S. I would seriously question the validity of someone "born" intimidated by men!!!  Sounds like a radical feminist creation.

At someone's suggestion, DH and I have both read the book, "Divorce Poison." It addresses both, parental alienation and parental alienation sydrome. Not sure what to think of our situation. A little of both we think. Problem with being a state apart and limited parenting time (8 weeks/year) is not having the ebb and flow of daily interactions.

How effective could this male psychologist possibly be for a child who is supposedly intimidated by men? Plus a mother who has exposed said child to physical violence, but is completely innocent in this intimidation (this also according to the psychologist - said exposure of son to mom being beat has nothing to do with it). Really cannot wait for the judge to get ahold of this one.

What to make of this.

DH's oldest son is in therapy for what his high school counselor suggested is depression. He's had 2 sessions with his psychologist and it has been determined that (A) he does appear depressed, and (B) he is intimidated by men...including his father, and psychologist saying he was born being intimidated by men. Psychologist is also a man.

Therapy started only after mom rec'd her copy of filed paperwork (see below). Psychologist is telling DH he is 'wrong for taking legal action and mom has done nothing illegal' (that's what he said). Have also found out that psychologist is a patient of the dentist that mom works for.

DH was not included in initial parent session w/mom and psychologist, even though he requested. Only informed of son's solo appts. Had the above very skewed conversation w/psychologist this week after son's appt.

Short background: Stepson (14) and his younger brother (13) live in Florida w/mother. DH and I live in Georgia. DH gets report cards in late February for both boys. Oldest has a 'D' and 'F' - has always been 'A' and 'B' student. DH begins communication w/mother about grades. 3 weeks later, and after repeated requests, no communication from mother about grades. Only communication generated from mother are requests for money. All communication is via letters, email and voice mail since she won't talk to DH on phone (been this way for years now). DH contacts school directly and finds out that oldest has been truant (38 days of school missed b/t January 12th and March 4th). Mother was sent letter after 10 and 20 days. She also rec'd phone calls (proof that attendance clerk spoke directly w/her on 2 occasions). Mother never contacted DH about situation. DH spoke with counselor who said she had mentioned to mother back in November 2008 and again more recently that son seemed to be depressed. Mother said she would 'think about counseling'. DH finally confronted mother on phone about truancy and the counselor's concerns. Mother told DH that the issues were resolved now that son was back in school, and she 'might consider therapy for son.' At this point, son stopped ALL communication w/DH; then 2 weeks before Spring break son emailed DH saying that he was not coming and that he hated DH. Up to this point DH and son would talk/text each other 2-3 times/week. Mother says it's an issue that DH and son have to resolve b/t them; she's not getting involved.

Younger brother did come for Spring break and told us (he initiated this discussion) that brother had become a different person in past months - had lost his sense of humor, angry all the time, yells at mom and stepdad, best friend is a 'loser.'

DH's attorney has filed motion to have GAL assigned to ensure son seek therapy and continue therapy. Other filings include the non-communication issue. Waiting now for day in front of judge.