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I was just going on how our lawyer was acting about my husbands situation. He flat out told us that the courts would not reverse custody just because the mother is a b*tch. There is parental alienation going on with his child and the mother, and we do document everything. So maybe there is some hope that one day he will gain custody.

Yeah, dont revel to her what you have documented. Dont let her know that you are doing any documenting. And if it does hit courts then you will be ready!

My husband just went through mediation with his ex and their 7 y/o. Of course there is a laundry list full of examples of how crazy and messed up his ex is, but honestly that doesnt do anything. The mother has to literally be out on the streets, drugged up, or not getting the child to school before the courts will give custody to a father. It sucks, but that is the way it is. Because if my husband could get full custody of his daughter just by his ex being crazy and VERY unstable, he would have full custody now....

Like the other poster said, if your mediation was recent there isnt nothing you can do. You agreed, that is that. Judges dont like to see people who have "buyer's remorse" after the fact... that is what our lawyer told us.

Really the only thing you can do is see your child per your parenting plan and NEVER miss a day... and just to see what happens offer to your ex to pick up your child even if its not your day, the only thing she can say is no... but that shows effort and you want to see your child.

If she is refusing your days PER your parenting plan then she will be in contempt, file a motion and haul her ass to court! If she is in contempt then she should be ordered to pay the court costs.

Document EVERYTHING! Every visit, time, phone calls, money spent, pick ups, drop offs, EVERYTHING.

Also get yourself a copy of Divorce Poison by Richard A. Warshak.

Good luck!

My husband and his ex just went to mediation over their 7 y/o daughter. And like you, we have documented EVERYTHING! We had a meeting with our lawyer before the mediation and he said that you dont need evidence for mediation. Mediation is just that- to mediate and come to some kind of an agreement. Evidence is for the courtroom, so you dont want your husband going to mediation ready for war when its not necessary. If it makes you feel better just send all of the documentation with him and he could leave it in the car if it did come up and he would happen to need something.
But when my husband went to his mediation he didnt need any documents. But we still document everything and record every phone call. Just in case there is a court date one day... Better safe than sorry!

Good luck!

I strongly second getting the book Divorce Poison. My husband got it for his battles and with his ex and their 7 y/o, that book if RIGHT ON! A MUST read!!!!

We are in Tennessee and I think as long as one party is aware of the recording then it will hold up. We cant leave a recorder in their house and leave, that would be tapping. But my husband talked to one of his cop friends and he said its legal if one person know about the recording. That is how they do undercover work and bust drug dealers and such.. they cant say to them "hey man I'm recording you lets do a drug deal..."

I just hope it will work towards our advantage with the he said/she said back and forth. I mean we have proof of what we are saying.

Thanks. Yeah he has defended me for a long time now, but its just gets to a point, ya know? Esp when the child is believing her, but I know that is the way it usually goes. But the truth will come out.

Well they do have mediation set up for July 14th, so before that he will get all of the info to the lawyer beforehand and all of our documentation.

Yeah the lawyer said that its really not grounds for emergency custody reversal, but maybe in mediation it will come in handy.

Hello!
Well my husband is going through some issues with his ex over their 7 y/o daughter. Well my husband & I have been together for 3 years and its been a lot of drama with them, which the entire time I have remined silent because its not my kid and they didnt need my two cents. Well things have reached the next level this week, we tried to go pick up his daughter on HIS scheduled days PER the parenting plan and she refused to let the 7 y/o come. And the only reason the child had to say why she didnt want to come "its boring" ok, what child isnt bored?? Well anyway, my husband, his ex, and child were all on the front porch and I was waiting in the car. Well things started to heat up and she was yelling and she started yelling about me and saying lies about me. So I have had enough, I calmly get out of the car to defend myself. I mean, I have been quiet for over 2 years and I will not let her tell lies about me and I have never done anything to his ex to provoke her. So I calmly walk up to state my defense and she FLIPS out! She is threatening to "kick my a**" and all kinds of stuff, and I just remain calm and not feed into it. And all of this is going on the 7 y/o is watching the whole thing. So a neighbor guy walked over to try and keep peace and she asked him if she could "kick my a**" or if she took me inside the house could she shoot me? Well the cops finally show up and of course they do nothing... They said it was a civil matter and couldn't make the child go. If we would have known we would have mentioned the threats then, but we have NEVER had the cops called on us, so we were kind of shocked.
But the thing is my husband had an audio recorder in his pocket the ENTIRE time, and you can hear the child in the background and at one point the ex says that the child could and needed to hear all of this because my husband asked her to go in the house.

So we have contacted our lawyer and he said all information and proof that we have on her is great, but I was wondering if this was grounds for my husband to gain more custody? Its clear that my SD's mothers house is very unstable, we have TONS of emails and text msgs saved where that is clear, and now this audio recording (and a few other phone conversations).

So my question is has anyone ever used audio recordings and gained anything from it? I mean after all its not just our "word" of what happened, we have it recorded.

Thanks!

Thanks everyone! Yeah we doubt too that he can get more custody, but thier outdated parenting plan says he must get his daughter on Tuesday nights and the mother picks her up on Thursday nights, which this was fine before she started school, but now she is almost in 2nd grade that isnt going to work with her in school and they live an hour away. So those days would be really diffcult getting her to school with us an hour away, so I dont see that they would keep those days the same for him.

Right now he is listed as the secondary parent. So in TN I guess that isnt joint custody? I think they list it only as primary and secondary?



He is wanting 3 weekends a month and she can have her the 4th weekend, any weekend it may be.

He was just thinking since we have a lawyer then it wouldnt hurt to ask what it would take to gain more custody?

I know that is her mother and that is the way it is, I have read books on the subject and talked to other people because I'm coming in as a 27 y/o with no kids and never being involved with a man that has had kids before. So its a whole new world! But I keep the peace, I dont say anything negative to the child about her mother and I do not say anything to the mother when I see her that is off color.
I grew up with "messed" up parents and I would like to think I came out ok. I hope the same for my SD, I think she will realize one day that Daddys house is a lot different than moms!

Thanks again guys!

Well Im not a male, but I have a 7y/o SD and her mother is crazy.  Were not in a situation like yours, but I would hire a lawyer! Because you will need one anyway for the divorce and make sure you have a strict parenting plan drawn up. Or if you can prove she is unfit then you may get full custody?
But my husband's parenting plan is very outdated and now he wishes he would have done things different at the time they had it drawn up.

Take notes of everything, keep a calendar you can write in of times, conditions of the house, of your daugther, take pictures, anything that will show proof of what your saying.
We have a lawyer and he said that all that helps and keep all documents.

Hope that helps!