Anyone Ever Used Audio Recordings?

[Vicky]

Hello!
Well my husband is going through some issues with his ex over their 7 y/o daughter. Well my husband & I have been together for 3 years and its been a lot of drama with them, which the entire time I have remined silent because its not my kid and they didnt need my two cents. Well things have reached the next level this week, we tried to go pick up his daughter on HIS scheduled days PER the parenting plan and she refused to let the 7 y/o come. And the only reason the child had to say why she didnt want to come "its boring" ok, what child isnt bored?? Well anyway, my husband, his ex, and child were all on the front porch and I was waiting in the car. Well things started to heat up and she was yelling and she started yelling about me and saying lies about me. So I have had enough, I calmly get out of the car to defend myself. I mean, I have been quiet for over 2 years and I will not let her tell lies about me and I have never done anything to his ex to provoke her. So I calmly walk up to state my defense and she FLIPS out! She is threatening to "kick my a**" and all kinds of stuff, and I just remain calm and not feed into it. And all of this is going on the 7 y/o is watching the whole thing. So a neighbor guy walked over to try and keep peace and she asked him if she could "kick my a**" or if she took me inside the house could she shoot me? Well the cops finally show up and of course they do nothing... They said it was a civil matter and couldn't make the child go. If we would have known we would have mentioned the threats then, but we have NEVER had the cops called on us, so we were kind of shocked.
But the thing is my husband had an audio recorder in his pocket the ENTIRE time, and you can hear the child in the background and at one point the ex says that the child could and needed to hear all of this because my husband asked her to go in the house.

So we have contacted our lawyer and he said all information and proof that we have on her is great, but I was wondering if this was grounds for my husband to gain more custody? Its clear that my SD's mothers house is very unstable, we have TONS of emails and text msgs saved where that is clear, and now this audio recording (and a few other phone conversations).

So my question is has anyone ever used audio recordings and gained anything from it? I mean after all its not just our "word" of what happened, we have it recorded.

Thanks!

[MixedBag]

Recordings were extremely difficult for us to get accepted into evidence until about round 10 with EX#3's EX.

They were helpful in mediation -- because the mediator got to see EXACTLY what we were dealing with.

Step back, let Dad defend you.

You can definitely use this as an example of her behavior down the road  -- but I'm not sure that Dad could get additional time as a result of this "one" incident.

[Vicky]

Thanks. Yeah he has defended me for a long time now, but its just gets to a point, ya know? Esp when the child is believing her, but I know that is the way it usually goes. But the truth will come out.

Well they do have mediation set up for July 14th, so before that he will get all of the info to the lawyer beforehand and all of our documentation.

Yeah the lawyer said that its really not grounds for emergency custody reversal, but maybe in mediation it will come in handy.

[DadsCrushed]

Each state has rules for recording third parties. It is dependent on the state where the recording was made. For example, I live in MD and each party has to agree to the recording. Barring disclosure of the recording, you could set yourself up for a lawsuit. However, recordings left on an answering machine is admissable.

[ksmarks]

telephone messages here (NY) are okay, and even okay for me to record a conversation with my friend without concent or knowledge, however if a third party is presnt it would be wire tapping or ease dropping.

[Vicky]

We are in Tennessee and I think as long as one party is aware of the recording then it will hold up. We cant leave a recorder in their house and leave, that would be tapping. But my husband talked to one of his cop friends and he said its legal if one person know about the recording. That is how they do undercover work and bust drug dealers and such.. they cant say to them "hey man I'm recording you lets do a drug deal..."

I just hope it will work towards our advantage with the he said/she said back and forth. I mean we have proof of what we are saying.

[Superdottie]

I'm sure the recordings will be very useful in mediation.  I wonder when BM hears herself if she'll be shocked.  I think many don't realize how harsh they sound, esspeically in front of kids. 

I think it's a great example of BM's behavior and hope it helps you.  We record also.  We live in MN and have the same laws as TN.

[ksmarks]

from a practice point of view I would add that tapes can  also fuel the belief that (of Judges and Law Guardians) the the parents are unable to get along and therefore shared custody is not a practical option.

If there is so much hostility, perhaps efforts would be better spent either in a parenting program or therapy.  In this case it does not take both parents to attend to derive benefit, even if only oneset of parents attend you most likely will come away with a better understanding of what you all are going through as well as how to handle sticky situations that could trigger another traumatic episode.

Regardless my heart goes out to you, it is so very, very, awful to go through this type of situation, and to watch your spouse and their children suffer so much....


Good Luck & Best Wishes for a more peaceful future!

K

[MomofTwo]

You also need to be careful using recordings in this case because if she has a decent attorney, they will turn it around that you (your husband) knowing he had a recorder provoked the situation causing her undo stress and therefore her reaction.  It could be used against him.  Her losing her mind is not a reason the courts would grant a custody change.  I agree with KSMarks, this type of action demonstrates an inability to coparent and the ability to co-parent is a strong pre-requisite for shared parenting or custodial changes.  It could hurt the case more than it's worth, especially if this was the first time she wouldn't allow visitation.  If this is the first time she refused visitation, a filing for contempt may have been more appropriate in building a stronger case for a custody change. 

As difficult as it is and no matter how strongly you feel you need to defend yourself, you need to remain away from the situation and let your husband handle it.  No good will come of it. 

[Davy]

Oh my, now that I have stopped chuckling over the comment about "demonstating an inability to co-parent" let me expound.  In the day, many fathers carried hidden recording devices as a CYA against false accusations whereas your hired gun (officer of the court) could presnt the recording to a judge in chambers in the interest of  justice when matters go from civil to criminal.  Saved a lot of us.  ( But I did advise against recording the judge).

In Tx there was a case where there was a run on recording devices.  An attorney advised his client to record his Ex during visitation exchanges.  He contended she was a rant and raving provoking b...h and he was in fear but she was a high school teacher with a reputation of a sweet, soft spoken person.   After the next visitation period they found his body at the bottom of a ravine and the device was intact.  It was too late but she did go to prison. I guess HE wasn't a candidate for co-parenting.

A TX father went to IL for court-ordered visitation.  He did not have any recording devices.
After returning the children on time he was pulled over by the police, jerked from the car, thrown around onto the car trunk and cuffed.  Somehow he convinced the officers to return to the Ex's house where other officers had gathered.  During the frey, a neighbor lady walked up and described the incident whereas the father returned kids, and the mother bolted from the house screaming and yelling and the father had a few words but calmly got in his car and left.  The neighbor lady continued describing how the mother picked up a landscape rock and hit herself about the head and face.   No apologies but they did return the father to his car.  I guess HE wasn't a candidate for co-parenting.

When this TX father went to IL for TX court ordered visitation he always carried a recording device.  Each and every time there were problems and usually police involvement.  I would walk before letting the kids witness much of her asinine behavior.  There came a holiday period (court ordered) and I end up at the police station sitting back being brow beaten by an asst. State's atty (aSA) with a police officer standing close by.  Of course, I had done absolutely nothing. The aSA would occassionally leave the room to yuk it up with the EX (her hometown..they were all friends).  There came a point when the next words was for the officer to put me in a cell.   I interrupted, pulled the microcassett from by pocket and advised that I had recorded the incident.  The aSA leaned forward, pointed his finger in my face and said if I had recorded him he would stick it up my a$$.  I calmly leaned forward, pointed my finger in his face, and told him I had run out of tape but if I did recorf him I would stick it up his a$$.    He said to leave and I told him I kinda like it here.  I guess I wasn't a candidate for co-parenting.

Just FYI.  Some time later the aSA called me to his office.  He said he couldn't give me a copy of the hospital report (daughter).  As I read it, I was practically speech less but I did ask if anybody (step) was going to be arrested and when I looked at him he as tearing up but said "no".