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I believe we got it all worked out today (sort of)
Spent a good hour on the phone with her talking about this.  She went through all of the emotions and was upset at first.  But I think she was able to see the point after a little while. 

She flat out said that she has no argument and can't see any holes in what I brought up. She is pretty much in agreement with everything.  Now I have to figure out what the next step is.  She understands why I need to do things the legal way (to have custody switched, and to stop Child Support Payments from going further.

Now I have to figure out the rest, get things transferred, and find out my next step.  I'm a very very happy man today.

I already thought about the court issues.  I knew I was going to have to go at some point to get everything blessed off by the courts.  I've seen a friend get sued for back child support years ago, even though the mother gave up custody to the father... over a hand-shake type of deal.  So I know eventually I would need to get it all down in writing and get it cleared. 

I just feel like a bit of a jacka$$ for talking about this to her.  I know I am standing up for my son's protection, but I guess I'm a bit of a push-over at times because I hate confrontation.  However, if it happens to be for my son, it is a bit different.  I strongly believe he does not need to go back. 

What options do I have if she decides that she doesn't want to let him go? 
I know she said she has talked to multiple people for non-biased opinions.  She wants to talk to his school counselor as well (However, I'm not going to sit and wait for school to start and have her talk to the guy).  She is weighing her options... that is for sure. 

I guess some of the questions I have are these:
What options do I have if she refuses to let him stay?
Can I file an emergency court order to allow him to stay?  I have to be able to protect myself in the long run from being contempt of court for not returning him after his visit was over.   I've never done anything bad within the court's eyes, never have been late on CS payments... and I've always been there for my son.  I call him every single day... even when I was on my honeymoon.  It is important for me to have that relationship.  I think my ex could have a better relationship if she did it this way.  You don't have to be the parent that places the child on the school bus in order to be the best parent you can be.  That is something I have to get across to her and get her to see.

What do you think the courts opinions would be in this matter?  I personally don't see how they can side with her and allow him to stay with drug abuse and multiple other issues in that home.  It is all documented now.  Before I didn't have anything that could prove negligence.  Now, it is sitting there on their front porch biting anyone that comes near. 

I am at the point where I believe she needs to be given a few options.  One is the option I gave above where we do everything together and with an agreement.  In the long run I think that is a very fair deal, and pocketbook wise which I know she has a hang-up on, she will come out better (except she is losing her CS support payment that goes to her other ex). 

The only other option is going through the courts and if they award me full custody... she will have to pay me.  That is not the option she wants. That much I know.  And I really don't see them saying no to this case and returning custody back to her.  I am looking from a bit of a biased point of view, so can a few of you please give me your opinions. 

Basically... I would love to just keep it as joint custody with me being the primary.  I'm not asking to take any rights away from her, I think that is fair.  I just want what is best for my son.  I know he is better off here than there. 

Well...

We talked a bit.  The ex"s husband is out of the hospital.  But it appears that he OD'd on Valium, Celexra(spelling?) and alcohol. On top of everything, he's been battling depression quite a bit.  But I am not for sure how long. 

Either way, I am not comfortable with this situation.  This is negligence and it involves drugs.  Prescription or not... this isn't something I want my son around. We talked about it a little bit, but I didn't want to press the issue last night.  She kept saying the same thing:  I can't afford to pay for daycare when you are at work (that isn't needed, as that is taken care of) and she said she could not afford to pay for child support.  Again, it is not needed, all I want is my son.  I asked her to pay for her half of the plane tickets whenever they came up, and she'd get the entire summer with him (just like I do). 

At this point, I really am trying to figure out what to do.  If she makes up her mind quickly I will pay the fee to get his current tkt changed to get him back to her so she can have him for the remainder of the summer.  I'd then buy a tkt to get him back here for the school year.  All I care about is what is best for my son.  I can provide stability, finacial security, a loving family environment, and still offer him as many visits with his mother as possible.  He'd be able to finally enroll in a few school events, and sports.  Something, they just can't keep up with.  Everything points to the rational:  Send him here.   Yet, ecause she gave up custody to her older son years ago, she feels she will be a failure if she does it again.  That, and she needs the child support money I send her so she can make her child support payments for her other child.  I thik I am being more than fair, not asking for anything in return but for her to be reasonable and rational.  I don't want to go to the courts, but I really don't see how I can NOT go to them if she refuses to work with me on this. 

TKT prices:  Generally I have paid the tkt prices and more times than not paid the UAM fee later.  We currently pay $100 each way.  I've had a few bad experiences with the UAM fees though.  One time I had a person walk him off of the plane.  She had 5 other children with her as well... all traveling as UAMs.  She stated that she knew my child was not old enough to be on the flight and that they will demand a birth certificate next time he flies.  (My child was 2 years over the youngest they are allowed to be... he's just really tiny).  She also gave additude because she said it was a full flight and that she should not have to sit with the children when she should be serving drinks to the cabin.  I was furious about that day.  that airline recieved $600 for UAMs that day, and did not assign a person to the flight rather than the crew.  They bank on these things and I don't think it is all that fair. 

Well... I'm still trying to figure this out.  I've been lied to about this ex, his issues and problems at home, and now this OD that nearly took his life is really bothering me.  His short term memory seems to be effected a little bit from the minor brain damage he did recieve.  When I asked about the pills and mixing with alcohol, all I got was a lame excuse that neither of them knew that you were not supposed to mix them.  They stated that the doctors didn't warn them, nor did the prescription bottles.  I know every bottle I fill for anything comes with detailed information.  Do any of you fill your prescriptions at Walmart?  They give detailed information... right? 

Sigh...

My son is already here for his summer visit.  We have an arrangement where he is here the entire summer. 
My ex and I actually have a great relationship, there is no fighting.  Sometimes she is a bit strange for her reasons on why she wants my son to stay with her (money so she can pay off her child support), but we don't fight. 

I will talk to her later on after things settle down.  I think she is starting to realize that it is best for him to be here.  I'm not trying to make it where she can never see her son, or anything like that.  I'm just simply trying to figure out how to handle this situation, and trying to figure out how the courts would look at this if it went to that situation.  I prefer to avoid the courts... but I'm worried I may have to switch things around later. 

I guess I'm just looking on advice for the entire situation.  Who knows, she may just allow me to keep him here like she mentioned earlier this week.  Right now, I'm glad that her husband looks like he may be pulling through.  I really do hope he's okay. 

Hello.  I've been on a bit of a roller coaster ride for that past few days and want to touch bases with a few voices that can possibly give me some advice.


Quick rundown:  My ex and I divorced and both have remarried since then.  We share joint custody when we divorced and she kept the physical custody (where he lives most of the time and where he goes to school at).  She then moved out of state (this was arranged prior to her doing it) and I moved to a different state as well.  There have been many ups and downs throughout the past 4 years.  At one time my ex's husband threatened that he would take my son and make sur I would never see or hear from him again.  My ex moved away from him at that time (moved across country) only to find out she was pregnant and they later hooked up again (they never got divorced).

Basically my son is starting 2nd grade this year.  However he has moved and changed school 6 times (it may be seven, I would need to check that) since pre-school. He is slightly ADHD, and is enrolled witihn an IEP program at his schools.    One main issue they pointed out is that he has troubles adapting.  Constant change of scenery must have a big impact on this.  But, after all of this settled down for a bit, things were quiet.  The ex's husband no longer got on the phone to yell at me, and no longer harrassed me after her lawyer told him a while back that he needs to step back and quit acting like that.  So for about a year now, things have been okay.  There are always issues with money (for example we are to each pay half of the travel costs of plane tkts and unaccompanied minor fees.  Generally speaking, I have to pay for the tkt and then wait for months to get their payment back from them). 

Recently though, there really have not been a lot of issues aside from the money issues.  I pay my Child support early or on time.  It is never short, nor late.  But Monday night my ex's husband suffered from ODing on valium and alcohol.  She found him not breathing in the garage and gave CPR for 10 minutes until EMTs arrived.  She never addmitted to me before that he has had depression issues, and now mentioned it when her husband was in the hospital in a coma.  Today, he woke up, thankfully.  It actually sounds like he is going to make it, and that is a good thing (they have a 2 year old daughter together).  But now I am a bit concerned about all of this and what I should do next.

My ex talked to me yesterday and basically told me that she believes my son should come to live with me for the upcoming school year.  Then she told me what happened to her husband.  During that timeframe she was not sure if he was going to survive, as the doctors thought he had a heart attack and thought he had extensive damage to his heart and brain.  Now it looks to be clearly that everything is pointing at him ODing.  She admitted that she saw him take 2 valiums and he was drinking heavily. 

My son is nearly eight.  I have a stable home (we own our home), married, and we have a great family environment.  Right now the 'timing' is a bit touchy.  I don't want to just throw a lawyer in her face right after her husband came out of a 48 hour coma.  But I am very very concerned about this situation and think that the best choice for my son is to come stay with me.  Having the step-father OD and nearly die on prescription medication, is that even something the courts will look at?  To me it seems like something they would look at. 

Both my wife and I work, are stable, and don't plan to go anywhere anytime soon.  What should be my actions at this point?  Should I give her a few days and then discuss it with her? Should I find a lawyer right away?  What do you think should be done in this case? 

Thanks....

friendneedinghelp