Messages

UPDATE!!!


November 6, 2009 6:45:41 AM
AS: K so i can go

November 6, 2009 11:14:47 AM
AS: I am going to that party tonight just to let you know

November 6, 2009 11:17:51 AM
ME: No. You will be here with me and SM and BD and BS. And you better watch the way you talk and treat me. You are being VERY disrespectful.

November 6, 2009 11:20:08 AM
AS: I asked you nicely and you sad no for no reason so if there is no reason i cant go to a good friends birthday party then why cant i

November 6, 2009 11:22:06 AM
ME: Okay AS. Let me tell you AGAIN. Do not ask to spend the night at friends on my weekends. Bottom line. End of story.

November 6, 2009 11:22:52 AM
AS: Then why can you go off on saturday night

November 6, 2009 11:25:46 AM
ME: I am the adult and you are the child. You are really starting to get me angry. Knock it off and quit talking back to me.

November 6, 2009 11:26:21 AM
AS: Im still going

November 6, 2009 11:32:14 AM
ME: I just talked to your mom and she understands that she will drop you off at 6.

November 6, 2009 11:33:31 AM
Cobi: Thats cool

November 6, 2009 11:48:57 AM
AS: I still going


November 6, 2009 12:51:27 PM
AS: if i do end up coming tonight i just want you to know that i will never forget how you forced me to come to your house and didnt give any thought to how i feel and how this will affect me in the future

Oh no, his life is ruined forever...I'm the worst Dad EVER!

I have told my boy, on several occasions, 'don't plan or ask to spend the night at friends houses on my weekends'. He just recently got busted at a school pep assembly for 'blowing up condoms and throwing them'(October 30, 2009). He was allowed, by BM to go to football game on that Friday, and then spend the night after the Homecoming dance on Saturday. I have yet to implement a punishment as this is the first weekend to do so. He text me on his desire to spend the night at a friends. Here is the dialog with me:


November 5, 2009 11:26:48 AM
Adopted Son: Tomorrow night my friend is having a party it is a sleep over i was wondering if i could go please

November 5, 2009 6:01:05 PM
AS: Tomorrow night my friend is having a party it is a sleep over i was wondering if i could go please

November 5, 2009 6:46:52 PM
ME: No.

November 5, 2009 6:47:17 PM
AS: Why

November 5, 2009 6:49:42 PM
ME: AS. You know why. No more discussion.

November 5, 2009 6:52:18 PM
AS: I actually dont so could you please explain it to me

November 5, 2009 7:25:35 PM
AS: Just to let you know i have seen the parenting plan and as i quote "the parties are encouraged to implement the residential schedule flexibly and adapt to it as the childrens needs change" well as i get older i have more friends and more parties my needs have changed and i am not saying that i wont be there saturday it is just one night with friends

November 5, 2009 8:45:50 PM
AS: i take from your non response that it is cool for me to go through with my plans see you saturday

November 5, 2009 8:56:12 PM
ME: I said no more discussion. I will see you Friday at 6.

November 5, 2009 9:03:52
AS: Well if you think you are being the good parent for punishing me for what i did last week then your wrong that has been taking care of and it is not your responsibility to punish me for something that you have nothing to do with

HUH?

I have not responded and I will not. He is expected to be here, Friday at 6PM. That has never changed. BUT, what happens if he does not? Then BM is in the hot seat, right?

Me neither...

[daddy's hottie]

Alright, here we go again. So, here's a little background:

I met BM in '96. She had a two year old son. BM(pregnant with BD) and I married in '98. BD was born in Jan. of '99. Months later, the adoption of BM's son was finalized and I was his father. BF wanted no part and had no interest in BS. Two and a half years later, I walked. Two days later, I returned for the kids sake and tried hard to make marriage work. Two and a half years later(Sept. 2003), I walked again and never returned. I had a home, family, community, and comfort. I had no place to go, but could not live with that woman any more. I ended up in a house with four, twenty-something, male strangers. Wasn't exactly child friendly. I was in a world of massive confusion. Reconcile, for the kids sake? File for divorce? Fight for custody? Move to a different state? Suicide?

The next couple of months, I saw my children very little. Then, I wouldn't see them for months at a time. All the while, I was still working and sending, minimum, 75% of my weekly pay back to BM. In June of 2004, I moved to a one bedroom apartment. Soon after, a rough parenting plan and child support schedule was set up. I started seeing my kids every other weekend. I even invited BM into my apartment so that she could see how I was living. She thought that was nice. BM expressed to me her difficulty with me being around her. So therefore, I stayed away. Afterall, I was the one who left and would do just about anything to make the transition from happily married couple to happily divorced parents as easy as possible. That day still has yet to arrive. I took them to soccer games on my weekends and stayed away on hers.

In July of 2006, I moved, with my new girlfriend(I can hear it now, but that's a different topic, my kids love DH(daddy's hottie).) 16 miles closer and within 8 miles of BM. Here is an excerpt from an email from me to BM:

My main concern was getting a house closer to them. Have their own rooms, a yard to play in, potential friends to hang out with, and maybe a desire out of them to call me and visit when they need me. I got this house for them. No one else. I have agreed that I have been a horrible father in the past. All I can do now is try and make it better. I believe that I am exhibiting that.

Since then, the email communication has been, well, difficult. I have tried to be as civil as possible with BM. She can really push my buttons, but, I will NOT stoop to her level, for the kids sake, and for the sake of how the courts might respond to any action being taken soon. Here are some examples of the abuse I have taken:

(July 24, 2006) The every other weekend dad, I'm sorry but that's not a parent, that's a babysitter.

(My daughter missed a day of summer school and I asked BM as to the reason why. July 29, 2006)
BD missed Thur. cause she was sick (throwing up). That's the only day. Most of the school days she missed were after coming home from your house due to emotional stress so FUCK YOU!

(Sept. 13, 2006) Please don't call me, I don't want to hear your voice, it's like nails on a chalk board.

(Jan. 2, 2007 BM had a guy friend stay at her house during the holidays while the kids were with me. I stated that I would like to meet him if he were to be a fixture in the kids lives) FUCK OFF, seriously just die already. (Within the same email, I asked if she had worked with son on his homework the first 5 days of their winter break with her.) Again, fuck off!

(Jan. 3, 2007) My life would be so much easier without you in it and believe me, I don't need you!


(Jan. 9, 2007) About 'sons' phone, I pay for it, I bought it for specific reasons and one of them is not for your use. Do not call him or text him on it any more.



(Jan. 10, 2007) Please do not contact me in any way unless it is an emergancy with the kids. As far as the letter just so you know it went straight to the fire.

(Feb. 1, 2007) Go ahead tell me how great your relationship is with those kids, theirs are the words that I remember. Last you have told me to respect you and I will not because you still have given me nothing to respect. (I told her, hate the ex-husband, but respect the father of your kids.)

(Feb, 10, 2007) Your email has been blocked from this account.

(May 7, 2007 My daughter was to have surgery on her ear and I wanted to be there for her.) This surgery is not supposed to be as big a deal as the last one and I hope that you can work with me on this. I am not trying to be a jerk and I'm glad you want to be there more for the kids but as I said before I just can't handle being in such a small space with you at this time. I hope you can understand my position.

(Sept. 18, 2007 This one references soccer games.)Putting aside the fact that I have spent A LOT of money for soccer, they are on a team and that means they have a responsibility to their teammates and coach. Not taking them to the games was very irresponsible on your part. (Some of my responce) BM, I don't like the way you do some things with the kids when they are in your care. But, I don't have the right to judge your parenting. You do a fine job. I realize it's not all fun and games. On the flip side, I know you don't like the way I do some things when they are in me and DH's care. What we do here is for them. The extra curricular activities, the meals, the discipline, everything...I appreciate your eagerness to put me in my place. But, please, don't tell me I am irresponsible. I want nothing more than a better life for me, you, DH, and our kids.

(Nov. 19, 2007) After this message I am going to give myself a holiday present and stop contact with you by not opening your emails or answering your phone calls.


(Jan. 11, 2008) From a text message: I can't get email from you
(April 30, 2008) From a text message: BS was tardy...it IS his fault. Getting tired of getting emails regarding 'son'....just letting you know.

(Jan. 7, 2009 ) Text from my son: My mom wants to know if its your weekend. (To which I emailed BM) You should keep track on a calendar at home or check the one I set up online. Please don't ask 'son' to find out information that you want to know. Call me or email me. (And her reply) Do you always have to be such a dick? A simple no would have worked, I don't need lectures from you. I ask the kids from time to time because I don't want to deal with this kind of crap, they have to but I don't.

(March 27, 2009 When my son wanted a 'myspace' page, I told him that would be fine as long as me and his mother knew his username AND password. My EX agreed. I kept her informed. My sons behavior at school forced me to delete his myspace page. I then find out on my own that my son has a 'facebook' page. I asked on several occations why I was not told. Here is her responce.) As far as Facebook why don't you think really hard, here's a clue...YOUR AN ASSHOLE!



(April 19, 2009 The beginning of this whole PAS investigation) BM, I don't hate you, I hate the lack of communication we have. I hate the fact that we can't share the joy of our children's accomplishments together. I hate that we fight. I hate the way that you hate me. I hate the way our relationship hurts our children.
I asked BD when her play was after I picked her up today. She said that it already happened. I asked why she didn't tell me when it was, she said she forgot. I called her out and told her to be honest with me. She KNEW I was excited to see her perform. She told me that if I went, then you said that you would not go. I'm not trying to pick a fight here, but, that just doesn't seem fair for her to have to pick who gets to go. You, me, and her should all be excited that we can share these moments. If that is not the story, and I misunderstood exactly what happened, then I am sorry. (Her responce) You have made it impossible for me to be anywhere near you. I told her I would go to the rehearsal and you could go to the main play, I told her we could switch every other performance she is in. Again YOU have made the situation the way it is and you can go when it is your weekend. You do not help pay for these activities you do not go to EVERY practice, you want to get the benefits without the work. Not fair, not happening. If you push this you will be hurting the kids because out of the two of us they would rather me be there and if you go I wont.

I know this is super long. I realize all you have to go on is my side. What I am trying to demonstate here is the fact that I have kept my distance while trying to build a civil relationship with my ex-wife. I am done excluding myself and submitting to her condition. It's just bulls@*t that my EX gets to behave this way.

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]MomofTwo[/HIGHLIGHT], while I agree to an extent that sending her options on how the kids can play in every game was wrong, I was not wrong in going to that game. I called her bluff and she happened to have a Royal Flush. Mom wins AGAIN and Dad is broke while his kids continue to be brainwashed by a BM with PAS!

My boy has since voiced his displeasure with soccer and has 'mysteriously' lost interest. He has not been to a game since Sept 26th, my weekend. He also didn't play Oct. 10th because he was 'sick'. My daughter has played in every game on my weekends. Their mother has not brought them to any practices or games on her weekends. And I did offer to take the kids to practices.

I'm sure their are people out there who realize and understand how hard it is to 'not give up'. If I didn't care about my children, I would not have spent so much time on this forum.

My computer had a nasty virus and was out of commition for a bit. I will be online more often now, so please ask any questions and/or send me a personal message.
Thanks!

I just spent an hour and a half preparing and responding to all of this and it got wiped away. I am so pissed!

I have not forgotten you all!
I'll try again in a bit.

Thanks!

BTW...I am confused as to what all this is:
SD
BM
HD
SD
yadda yadda yadda

Wow! I stopped checking replies a little bit ago because I wasn't getting any for a while. Now that I have checked, goodness, I have sparked quite the debate. And I have loved reading every bit of it. Most I agree with, some, I do not. Of the ones I don't agree with, there have been points made that are valid within my disagreement. Huh? Anyway...

I wish I would have been checking this forum more often so that I could explain and/or defend comments made. I thank ALL of you that have taken the time to respond to this issue. I would also like to discuss more with all of you the situation and update you on what has been happening. But, I will not do that at this time, perhaps later tonight, because my children are with me right now and I need to be with them the rest of this evening before they go back to their mothers house. Whew...long sentence.

Ocean~ Thank you for that. And I did just exactly that when I went to his game. I apologized to the coach for him not being there and said that I hope he has some playing time next week, because he WILL be there.

Oh My God.. I am so at wits end with my ex. I have researched PAS and from what I can tell, she(my ex) is an 'obsessive alienator'. And I want results immediatly. I know that that is impossible...never mind...AAAAAaaahhhhh...

Thank you all for your input, keep it coming!

John

Nope...wasn't there and coach had not received word via phone call or email that he would not be there. Coach also notified me that my son has not gone to practices either.
Since I live three blocks away, I decided to drive by their mother's house. Was that a no-no? Anyway, the car was not there.

Mixed~I know... hate conversing through emails. The majority of the time she takes it as hostile. She cannot hear the sincerity in my voice.

Ocean~I will do that next, send a certified letter. I have also spoken with both my kids' coaches and they know the situation their mother is putting them in. Both coaches also have my telephone number and email address. I have not missed a game yet that has been on my time. This weekend I will see what happens. I am about tp leave now and head to the soccer field where my boy is (supposed) to be playing. And I will talk with the coach if he is not there to see if his mother did the responsible thing and called to notify him of his absense.

My daughters game is tomorrow and I will do the same thing. I get to see my kids on average, 4 times a month and I want to instill responsibility. But how can I do that with an irresponsible mother? Thank you...