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DH was able to work with his employer to make the new schedule work.  For DH to do all driving both days would get him to his office after 9am both Monday and Tuesday (and much later in the winter, we live in upper Midwest).  He'd be hours late both days.  Whereas BM lives and works near the school.  Not to say it's impossible, but the main point of the PC decision was for the driving to be more equal. 


BM said she works Sunday - Thursday, so the old schedule would work to share driving, but she convinced SDs they miss too much on Thursdays (they really didn't, the few times there was something we switched nights).  BM was trying to get rid of the midweek visit altogether.   I don't think she ever thought the nights would switch. We had some pretty convincing information about BM lack of attention to school and how it affected SDs. DH feels it's critical SD are at our house during the school week.



The PC can't decide CS issues, but it's a consideration if we end up in court.  BM would flip out.  Her husband has 25k+ in judgements against him (and one more pending) and DH and I believe is getting his wages garnished by the sheriff.  The parents don't get out of the cars at exchanges.  That was decided years ago after Several instances of BM screaming at DH in front of the girls. 


DH is going to give PC BM's employer info.  PC has some far reaching authority and it may extend to contacting employers.  I'm sure the PC would also want to know if BM has even tried to make it work (assuming her schedule actually interferes).  BM has worked at this fast food place for years, I find it hard to believe they wouldn't work with her if she asked. 

I'd wondered about getting her work schedule but was concerned she'd get someone to fake it...  If we end up in court I'd ask attorney to request it directly from employer.

The new schedule is EOW with them staying until Monday (the Sunday overnight is new), and every Monday night.  The PC was pretty clear she wanted the kids needs first, and that the parents need to "step up and take responsibility for their decisions."  My guess is this applies to BM's decision to move.  The SD's want Monday and PC expects parents to make it work.  BM changes her schedule all the time. She could make this work but I'm sure is not happy that she's being made to drive more. 


I didn't mention in previous post, but BM wrote in an email to DH after getting this decision that she's spent 10 years raising these kids and now she's going to focus on herself.  That email was forwarded to the PC.  Fantastic attitude... 

DH and BM are required to use a Parenting Consultant to decide issues they cannot.  The PC decisions are legally binding after two weeks if neither party files in court for a decision to be changed.  And even if one or both parents disagree with a decision they're required by CO to follow the decision until a judge changes or affirms it. 

Interested to hear opinions on this...  BM is high conflict, so it makes PC decisions that are not in her favor very difficult and stressful.  Recently she brought 2 issues to the PC.  She wanted to discontinue the SD's Thursday overnight at DH house and to change the exchange point.

Two years ago, BM (custodial) moved 40ish miles away and claimed SD were missing school activities etc. by having to come to DH house every Thursday.  The PC met with SD to get their input (they're 12 and 15).  They corroborated BM's claim they are missing school activities on Thursdays, and suggested they come over another night.

The PC decision was emailed to us last week.  The Thursday overnight is now to be Monday, and the exchange point was moved six miles closer to BM.  HOWEVER, the PC also ruled all exchanges are to happen at this new exchange point.  In the past, with the old schedule, DH was driving them to school every Friday, and picking them up from school every other Friday (for our weekend with them).  When BM claimed she was doing most of the driving, she was very wrong.  We were doing 3 times the driving she was.

BM sent DH and email saying she can't meet on Monday and Tuesday mornings because she's going back to school and her classes may interfere (she's been talking about these classes for months but has not registered).  BM then sent the PC an email telling PC that her work interferes, and she's unable to comply with the new driving requirements.  Her story keeps changing, and we suspect she's lying about her work schedule.  She works overnights at a fast food place and claims she gets off work at 7am.  OSD told us it was more like 4:30am.   

We are really gun shy about the PC decisions.  BM had one overturned when she moved the girls 40ish miles away without tell DH.  She changed their school without his knowledge.  But since she'd already moved, the judge overturned the PC decision.   If this one ends up in court, would/could a judge force BM to change her work schedule to accommodate this new arrangement?  She works shift work and has altered her schedule multiple times in the past (but now suddenly can't).     

Our pharmacy will only run one insurance too...

I agree, there's nothing we can do at this point.  My guess is, her knowing we're on to her may stop the behavior.

Although I agree the insurance issue needs to be addressed, we're more concerned about the 30 some pills that are unaccounted for.  We have no proof that she did anything with them, but she sure was defensive about it. 

BM does not use DH insurance for the meds because they don't cover the meds at all.  In general she'll use the policy that has the lowest out of pocket.  Since DH's insurance is primary, BM has to run it through DH's first, if we try and run it later, they won't process it since the primary was not used first.  Yep, it's a mess. 

DH will pay her, since he didn't pay for any of the refills when they were $5, and he will attend the next doctor appointment (BM was recently directed by PC to give DH 7 days notice on appointments so he can attend).  I believe it's irresponsible for a doctor to overprescribe a medication known for abuse. 

I'm not sure there's anything that can be done about this, so this may be more of just a rant... 

YSD is on Adderall for ADHD.  As of last summer, the doctor instructed us to only give her the meds on school days.  He was concerned about her lack of weight gain.  BM was using her insurance to get the meds filled (even though DH's insurance is supposed to be primary).  Each refill was $5, so she didn't bother asking for the $2.50 from DH. 

Fast forward to last month.  DH decided to check YSD prescription records at CVS.  Turns out, BM had the Adderall refilled every month, even though they're prescribed for just school days (the doctor allowed a refill every month).  When we calculated school days vs. pills she's received she should have more than 30 extra.  When DH asked her about this she became defensive and seemed to over explain what happened (all of it was BS).

She emailed DH last week that she had to get the Adderall refilled and since she no longer has the same insurance, the bill is now $54 a month, and DH owes her $27 (uncovered medical is split 50/50).  DH is resisting paying her because she should not have needed the refill.  She did something with all the extra pills.  When confronted about where they went she claimed she's given us 20-25 extra (Dr said we can give them to YSD on weekends if social situation required it).  She's given us 6 extra since last summer, of which we still have 4.  We have emails with her where she clearly resists giving DH any extra pills when we asked for just a couple, it's pretty obvious she didn't give us 20-25. 

BM has a history of drug use and I would not put it past her to sell some of the pills.  Her husband currently has 2 judgments against him for about $25k, I'm sure they could use the money.  She is threatening to take DH to court on this issue.  I am so frustrated that she's getting away with this.  Of course she didn't collect on the previous refills, she didn't want us to know she was getting it refilled so much.  DH will be attending the next Dr appointment to understand why the Dr would allow the refill so often. 

  BM informed DH today she plans on going back to school in the spring and will be reducing her hours to part time (not sure how many hours that means, she currently works about 32 hours a week and is considered full time).

She said she's going to request a modification in CS since she'll be making less money while in school.  She also plans on asking the courts to require DH to pay a portion (more than 50%) of any fees associated with extra activities for the kids.  DH/BM currently each pay for the ones they enroll them in, respectively. 

Below is the statute from our state that addresses underemployment, unemployment, and employed on less than a full-time basis. 

We don't know what she's going to school for, or for how long.  Currently she works fast food and makes $9.40 an hour.  My concern is DH will be hit with higher CS because BM can't handle school and working fast food (her current job) at the same time.   Would BM have to prove she'd increase her income after school is done? Subd. 3.Parent not considered voluntarily unemployed, underemployed, or employed on a less than full-time basis. A parent is not considered voluntarily unemployed, underemployed, or employed on a less than full-time basis upon a showing by the parent that:
(1) the unemployment, underemployment, or employment on a less than full-time basis is temporary and will ultimately lead to an increase in income;
(2) the unemployment, underemployment, or employment on a less than full-time basis represents a bona fide career change that outweighs the adverse effect of that parent's diminished income on the child; or
(3) the unemployment, underemployment, or employment on a less than full-time basis is because a parent is physically or mentally incapacitated or due to incarceration, except where the reason for incarceration is the parent's nonpayment of support.

DH insurance is primary and can't be changed to secondary without a CO.  This is according to the insurance company.


My biggest concern is the net cost of medical expenses.  Because BM is only using her insurance neither is getting the benefit DH insurance.  And net out of pocket is more than it should be for both parents.


BM has now presented DH with bills from several months ago asking for 50%.  SD were covered under DH insurance and Medical Assistance at the time.  One bill is for glasses for OSD.  DH asked BM why MA didn't cover the portion insurance didn't.  Her response was that OSD prescription didn't change so MA would not cover new glasses.  So is DH responsible for 50% of glasses that weren't necessary?   SD had perfectly good glasses.  What's to stop any parent from taking advantage? 


Since SD were on MA DH has never had to deal with these issues. 

Trust me, BM knows nothing about any rules!   

Yep, we have access to the on line CS calculator for our state and will run the numbers every which way when we see how much BM pays for insurance and how much she makes. 

Actually, if we didn't cover the SD we'd each go single on our respective employers plan and save over $250 each  month.  In our case, singe + single is WAY less than 1 +. 

BUT this is all dependent on BM getting us the paperwork.  Until then, we'll keep the SD covered and require insurance to be used as it should before we pay her.