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A thing of beauty! Absolute beauty!!!!!

I have to disagree. So does my Lawyer. It is an issue of violations of Rights underlined in the Constitution. Certainly our rights have been violated, and we had it easy compared with a lot of other people! the point is, the more that join the suit, the more weight it has. The more weight it has, the more likely it is to be heard.

Legislation is NOT the way to go. Just WHO is going to introduce THAT in the House or Senate??? Not ONE of our reps in either house is willing to take this on. Both parties consider it a looser of an issue. So we are stuck. Our only recourse is to file it in Federal District Court. A Class action is designed for EXACTLY that purpose, to represent a class of people disenfranchised for what ever reason. Certainly they said that about Big Tobacco, it could never be done, it was poorly written ect ect., Oops, the plaintifs one that one against HUGE odds. It can be done.

Not only is this Legit, it has a damn good chance of getting to Trial. So if some of the language needs to be changed, that is certainly something that will be addressed! Good God! OUR cases certainly changed significantly from the original filings! Refinment is part of the process. If you don't agree with some of the language, then offer your advise rather than dismissing the best chance we have had for change in the last 30 years!!!

This case might take years, but hell, what else is happening on our behalf?? Exactly Nothing, and that is most certainly a significant point.

better SOMETHING than Nothing!!!

Danae

Out of my two year Lurk.....

I have perused the lawsuit and all its filings, and it is Legit.

The premise of the suit is to level the playing field for BOTH parents, and the kids. It is meant to force the Fed. Gov. to take over the issues of CHILD SUPPORT, how the numbers are generated, and to make it a FEDERAL issue, the COST of raising a child. There is NO state in the US that currently has an ACCURATE list of what those actual costs are. ALL of them go by the mistaken premise that the Cost of a kid goes UP with income. Oops, even a 5th grader can understand proportions. The cost goes DOWN as income goes up. The whole point is to force the states to start using real numbers instead of the utterly unfair and incorrect ones they use now, and to PERMINATELY stop the Unconstitutional seizure of assets, licenses, tax returns, and anything else the STATE deems necessary in ruining a NCP's life, in the name of the "Child". The states are making MILLIONS of dollars off this industry and it is time for it to stop. Anyone who has faced the garnishment of their wages (we got nailed with 1000$ a month at one point, done ILLEGALLY by the state of Washington Child support services, WHILE THERE WAS AN OPEN PATERNITY CASE IN KING COUNTY!!! Blatantly Illegal, by their OWN rules! But they did it anyway! We had to file an injunction to make it stop! We got off easy! TONS worse happen every day!)

This has been filed in District Court, in at least one District per state, making it a Federal issue, and all the District cases are linked. So literally, there will be a panel of judges hearing the case, and once the decision is made, then it will apply Nationally.  

On a Constitutional Basis, the case has merit. A lot. There are far too many instances across the Nation where decisions made arbitrarily by individual States in order to procure Federal funding for their "Child Support" procurement bureaucracy, have taken the rights from NCP's and Children with out Just Cause, or any cause. The power of the case is in the numbers of those who join it. Think of it as an opportunity to have Millions of disenfranchised NCP's speak with one voice and scream, STOP IT!! And make it stick. Frankly, we are sick and tired of getting raped by the state. I don't have the $$ to file a Constitutional Challenge to the Laws! This is my only chance to exercise my rights since well, since the poor kid was born.

There is another aspect, anyone who has been through a full trial knows that the nature of the case can change or be amended during the process. If there are issues that the suit should be dealing with but has not yet been addressed, as a party to the suit, you have some influence in what is in it and what isn't. How much I have no idea, but more than if you are not.

We have joined the case in Washington. It is our chance to nail the State for its Unconstitutional, and Illegal treatment of us and all the NCP's they have screwed over the last 30 years. This case is about JUSTICE. Not money, or monetary awards. It is about Justice. That is why we joined it! That is why I am asking everyone to join in their state. It is the best way so far in the last 30 years for all of us to make our voices heard, and to get some bloody change. TIME FOR US TO HAVE OUR SAY! Stop taking our RIGHTS away from us!!!

Most respectfully,
Danae

What an ambulance chaser! Thanks for the info Brent!

As the title implies, my step-daughter wants to come live with her Dad and I. This is very cool with us. The counselor that she goes to see with her mom (we pay the insurance for this) has told us that this has been an expressed wish of hers for some time now; somewhere between 6 months and a year.  She really does not want us to talk to her Mom about living with us, she is afraid of what her mom will do and say, and with reason.

This leaves us with a predictable problem.

It is time to go to court and file for custody, based on what our 13 year old is truly wanting. Knowing her mother, this surprises no one, including the counselor.

How do we go about doing this w/o letting her mother know too far in advance, literally and singularly because her daughter is afraid of living with her for any period of time after her mother knows that her daughter is wanting to leave her home bad enough that her dad is making it happen in court.

We always knew this day would come. It is impossible to say that we are happy about it, it is far too bittersweet a thing for happiness. As much as we do not like Bio-mommy, we have no desire to in any way negatively affect the Mother-Daughter relationship, if anything the reverse. We are getting that she wants to be here from too many different sources for it to be anything but genuine, and I am beginning to believe that their relationship might well benefit from the distance. Mommy wouldn't be the one haranguing about homework, or riding her about cleaning her room, being the bad guy all the time as it were. They might well be able to enjoy one another with out all of that, I don't know. Personally I think Mommy will be so destroyed, well, let's say I am going to take out a restraining order at some point or another, the woman is really broke. I don't know what she will do; I am very very serious about that.

We know who we will hire, it is the instructions to give him we need. SD really is scared of her mom and what she will do. How do we make this happen as easily as possible???

Thanks in advance!!!!!

Danae

Thanks Wendl!

Our home is actually the stricter of the two! We have rules and boundaries. There are consequences when they are crossed. We just don't scream and belittle people to get it done! We talk and use reasonable tones and pester the heck out of the kids till it gets done. That or they get to make the choice and pay the cost what ever it is... The difference comes in the amount of personal respect we give each other here

Thanks again!
Danae

Our case would be in King County. We are considering hiring Raj Bains. We have spoken to him and he is our kinda guy. Go get the job done and shut up! Works for us!

I don't know how much weight the Judges give the childs testomony. She is pretty firm about wanting to come here, she is just living in fear of her mother, and is desperately afraid of what she will do if she voices her desire to live with her dad to her mom. Her mom has freaked over that very issue in just the last 6 months, so SD has reason to worry! The last time it came up, SD was REALLY freaked out by Bio-Mom. Really freaked out. She wants Daddy to advocate for her. I don't blame her, Bio-Mommy is intimidating as hell for anyone not strong enough to confront her on her crap and be ready to dole out some physical violence. In my case, I took out a Restraining Order when she threatened me, I have trained in Martial Arts, so I am confident I could defend myself. My SD has no such assurances to depend on!

Ultimately, we want what is what is best for SD. We think that is with us. SD thinks that is with us. Only one who disagrees is the person most responsible for SD sad self esteem and pain. These two need a break from one another if they are to have an even decent relationship in the future. I don't want either of them to go through the alienation that is GOING to come should this course continue as it is. SD will come to openly rebel, her mommy will try to crush it, SD will resist it, and then who the hell knows what will happen next! I would avoid that fo the both of them if I could. If for no other sake than my SD's respect and love for her mother.

Thanks Wendl!!!! For any advise you can give, I respect your opinion!!!
Danae

NO, it's nothing like that. In fact I would be totally for paying Child Support for a year if it would make the transition easier for my Step-Daughter, my daughter really, I have accepted responsiblity for her welfare  a long time ago. Otherwise, I would never have fought for her right to BOTH her parents! I wrote the parenting plan that is still in effect! This isn't so much an issue of different parenting skills, it is more a matter of life skills.  She spends 45 days in the summer with us, full time. She is nothing but agreeable while she is here. If we have issues, we talk about them and deal with them in as adult like a manner as possible. She has gotten her first Period, she is biologicaly a woman now. That does not mean she has more than a 13 year-olds mind! She must be treated as though she DOES have a more adult mind however, and rightly so. She has damn little choice to this point as to how her life has gone, she has been at the whim of others, mostly and most abusively by her mother! I don't blame her for wanting to get away from it! Most every other human that has had to deal with Bio-Mommy, has bugged out after a few months, a couple of years at the most extreme.
Co-parenting is out of the question, not so much because I am not for it. Completely the opposite! Bio-Mommy will have NONE of it. She has completely rejected every single bit of input that hubby has given! It is her way or the Highway. She does not listen to SD's Father, she listens to no one. Most notably her daughter, who is crying out for just a little respect!
Literally, this really is a no win situation. I don't see a win for hubby and I, I don't see a win for my SD.  I don't see a win for Bio-Mommy. This bothers me because I want to see SD win. I just don't have a freaking clue how to make that happen under the circumstances!

thanks for your response!
To introduce myself, I have been posting here for a very long time 98 or so I think off and on at least! I have been a big part of my SD life since she was 5 or so. This is nothing new, believe me, I have had my trial by fire over the last 7 1/2 years.

Co-parenting is way beyond what SD's mother is capable of. The problem stems from several things as you say. 1) Bio-mom is a VERY manipulative individual. I could go on and on, but let's just take that one at face value, so I don't bore you to tears. She regularly uses her daughter to get what she wants and often uses her with her right in the room. 2) She is an emotionaly abusive person who is more likely to take out everything happening in her life on whomever happens to be present. Usually just SD as her lastest boyfriend has just left her. These two main issues have broken down most of the trust that my SD has ever had in her mom. If SD so much as rolls her eyes whislt saying nothing, she is likely to have her mother go through her room, take what ever she thinks she can give away, and just leaves with her stuff. That's just the most superfulous thing I could come up with that I know has happened.  

Ultimately, Bio-mom has no respect for herself and less for anyone else, most notably her child. SD is treated like a thing, one that should be under mommys complete and total control. The tighter Bio-mom tries to control her, the more she slips away. This is the essential crux of the situation. We have had SD try to manipulate us in the past. We nailed her on it in such a way as to let her know that she is not only better than that, she is worthy of treating HERSELF better than that. So that stopped. We have gotten confirmation of what is happening to SD under that roof from a couple of other sources. Literally at this moment, I am CERTAIN that we are going to get the call within 3 months, you know the one, the "COME GET YOUR KID!" call. What we want to avoid if possible the emotional and mental pain that both of those two are going to cause each other, and the scars that will stay with them the rest of their lives. I agree, we may well be powerless to prevent it. It is a helpless feeling.

I have known and had to deal with this person (bio-mommy) and her family now for 7 years. To say they are broken messed up people is only Politically correct. It is such an understatment I can't even begin to correct it! SD has been consistant for the last 8 months or so in her stated desire to come live with her Dad. It isn't a fly by night thing. She knows that it is going to be hard! We have not abridged what it will take to make it happpen. She knows that she will have to make the choice beteween parents. One way or another. We know what she wants, telling her mother about it (Based on past experience) will create a nearly inotolerable living situation for her with her Mom. Someone is going to get hurt. Actually most all of us are gonna get bloodied by this one. It is literally a matter of staunching the bleeding if you follow me. How to do this with as few wounds as possible- while dealing with a custodial parent that is completely out of touch with reality and the reality of what she is doing to her child. Not to mention the very real possiblity that she may react with physical violence.

This is a tough one! Thanks for your input and for any more you care to give!!!
thanks
Danae

My husbands daughter wants to come live with us. We would welcome her. She has been consistant in wanting this for many months and her relationship with her mom is deteriorating rapidly. She is a different person with us, but with her mom....

Her mother is really not intouch with reality. She does not get that it is her controlling and manipulative behavior that makes her daughter want to leave. Believe me, there is NO telling her that. So, SD is 13 as of yesterday in the state of Washington. Her mother will fight her coming to her Dad's house with everything she has. Not only that, I believe her to be so unstable, I do not know what she will do. Anything from commiting suicide, to inflicting bodily harm on her daughter or someone else should they insist on furthering SD's wish to live in a household filled with love and respect.

Any advise on how to walk this razor fine line would be much appreciated!!! I and my family thank you all in advance!

Danae