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Messages - nila fordyce

They're all the same...Extremely controversial and can be more damaging than any good. Again, it depends on who is doing the testings--there attitudes toward you- the case and etc...Again, they all seem to forget your emotional well being during the testings. Dah, naturally since you have just been thru an emotional merry-go-around thru the traumatic divorce issue in the beginning and etc...Your emotions and your attitude is going to be all over the board--probably pretty negative. What in the world do they expect--it's truly ludicrous and of no positive benefit.
The Family Legal System is corrupt,greedy,biased and incompetent in this country. Some states are worse than others,i.e.,California for one. The tragic thing about this is, it has been going on for years......and continues to destroy futures of our children and their beloved parents. Especially, the one left behind in one terrible way or the other and unfortunately, it is still the fathers that are getting left behind. People, children NEED their fathers as much as they need their mothers--were still in the l9th century here. I am a woman and I have experienced this tragic situation before,I know alot of other wonderful fathers that have been thru an egregious court system and all you have to do is READ about it--it's everywhere...It's bad!!!

It all starts with the antiquated laws and then filters down the system to all the biases,greed and incompetence,i.e.,Attorneys, Evaluators and even sadly the Judges--and all these people as a whole only HURT. But, they get their yacht payments made on time. Children are being ripped away from their good fit parent for no reasons or inane reasons and this needs to stop sooner than later. All of these so called experts that are involved in the decision making of the child most generally don't have a glue about what is in the best interest of a child nor do they care.( they don't even no the bad laws) The evaluation process is the most tragic of all of them because it is sooo controversial and can be more damaging than any help at all. There is NOT enough or accurate scientific evidence out there to prove much of anything...But, all these so called experts try to play God while there destroying a child's future and devastating her parents. What is wrong with this picture here...What is wrong is, there are far too many bads ones out there. They lie, they bate their clients against each other while they are telling you they are your best friend and etc.
The so called testing is again very controversial and damaging--there in accurate, they don't know how to read them and different people read into them totally different than the other. And depending on the parents mood at that moment can really deviate their answers--in that kind of stressful and angry situation both parents or one will score badly (totally unfair), and last you have these biased evaluators that usually lean toward the mothers anyway. This is a very tragic and insidious situation-it's injustice!!! And then, if you get a biased or incompetent judge it is crucifying time for the poor innocent good father. I watched an evaluator flat out perjure himself in the courtroom and the judge was sooo biased he had a "B" stamped in his forehead--they all should have been put in jail. There are also, alot of very selfish mothers out their that do not care about what is in the best interest of the child--they all seem to forget that. No, the Family Legal System is broken and needs a complete overhaul now.
Quote from: bloom6372 on Sep 19, 2011, 07:16:43 PM
I'm curious--what do YOU do to prepare for a custody hearing? How do you organize records? What do you document? Do you make copies for your attorney? What about witness statements--do you have them typed and notarize or do you record their statements for your records? Do you have letters of recommendation? etc etc etc. Anything and everything would be good to hear :)
First of all if you're a father good luck-you'll need it! Second of all, it is imperative that you get an exceptional attorney that knows what he is doing in your particuliar case or you also are in big trouble. Unfortunately, there are alot of bad ones out there. If it is a custody situation, try everything you can to keep an evaluator out of it--they're big time trouble...Good Luck
Quote from: ocean on Aug 20, 2011, 11:10:00 AM
Your lawyer can ask what the basis is for a custody eval when you are asking for is more time and not a custody change plus there is no arrests/infractions on either party. Sometimes a judge wants someone to tell them what is going on in both homes. If they order it, fine. Usually an expense though, so your lawyer should ask that she pay for it (make sure the courts PICK the person though and that mom can not pick who she wants).

When you talk to anyone, do not bad mouth mom, just say you want to be an involved father and be apart of their school, activities, and daily life as much as possible. You are willing to a step up situation and wants the adults to work together for what is in the best interest of your child.

Mom is going to start to play hard ball. Try to keep lines of communication open but do not give her anymore video/pictures. They will twist them around. Keep communications through email/texts or if you have a discussion at drop off/pick up then summarize it in an email to her that you are confirming what you just talked about....
I am sorry, but this is very close to my heart and have done a great deal of research on this and also know alot of fathers that have been thru this. These evaluations are very controversial and can be extremely damaging to all. There is also no scientific evidence on these evaluations that are conclusive and adequate. You MUST have an extremely good attorney that knows what he is doing because there are far too many bad evaluators out there. In my experience they are very mother friendly,greedy and incompetent. If the mother has to pay half or more this is good--because you're talking about $7,000-$9,000. If they have you do anykind of testing--beware they are very indequate and full of inconsistencies. They can be read differently by different people.
If you have a family friendly judge over a biased judge you have a better chance of winning.

But these evaluators can bate there clients against each other and lie. The attorneys will tell you not to bad mouth your ex--but the opposite side does nothing but hammer you as the bad guy. In my experience, the one that does the bad mouthing more wins...
Usually the mother--Sadly. And I am a woman and I am very tired of good fathers getting crucified in the Family Legal system.
These evaluators will perjure themselves in court--it is truly tragic what they get away with. The judges can be just as bad so beware. California is the worse state for all this--their all corrupt...Sorry! But fact...
Quote from: ggray3 on Sep 13, 2011, 07:28:33 PM
Hi there, this is my first post and am looking for guidance/advise/tips or whatever anyone can bring. I have been seperated from my ex wife for 3 years and divorced for about a year. we had 50/50 joint custody where they would be at my house for 3-4days and nights and her house 3-4days and nights. Everything revolved around her work schedule and when she could and could not be there to watch the girls (13, 11, 7yrs old). I am not the biological father of the oldest but have been there since she was 13 months old. In the past 3 years she has found a new boyfriend, had a baby with him and decided that her moving to phoenix for HIS schooling was the way things where gonna go.  Contrary to what her and MY mother believe I never agreed to the move, and told her over and over again that i did not want to do it...especially for her boyfriend. Needless to say she moved regardless of what i wanted. SO now she thinks that me having my three children every other weekend is fair, and is split evenly. Last time i checked 3.5 days a month is nowhere near 15! My oldest (again who is not legally or biolgically mine) wants to live with me and cannot stand her future step father. All three girls say that alls he does is play video games and yell at them, and since the move and school starting he is the primary person watching them while their mother works 45-55hrs a week. Their mother does not acknowledge the fact that it is unfair to them or me...she only cares about what is fair for her. she thinks that her home is a "better enviornment" then mine even though i have a girlfriend that adores them, along with her children and my family up here. I planned on going for custody for all three of them but she informed me that i was never going to win my oldest. Therefore i dropped it and ignored the problem until the beginning of the school year. Now a month into her arrangement (no court order) and i cannot deal with just seeing my girls more than 3.5 days a month. I want custody of them, but at the very least i want more time!!!  Besides uprooting and moving down to the valley what are my options. She is a good mother, but i am a better father and i deserve to have my girls and they deserve me more often! Thank You in advance!
I feel for you, this truly is tragic...But how was she allowed to move that far anyway-was this thru the courts? She has to have permission first. See, this is one of the major problems with these horrific move away situations that are allowed in some states. Some states are worse than others--they should be banned. How do these selfish mothers and the Family Legal System think that you can feasibly see your children anymore than that--I am surprised you can do that with having to work for a living and all. Plus all the other extra expenses traveling with the economy as well as your personal finances. It is truly egregious to the relationships with fathers and their beloved children. She might be a good mother--but she is a very selfish mother and is not thinking about what is in the best interest of the children. Children NEED their good fathers and the Family Legal System destroys that. However, you are fortunate that they are only 100 miles away--I know fathers that are 3,000 miles away from their children and it is sooo sad for all of them. There are alot of people in this world that need their heads examined. And all their doing is destroying the futures of the children. There is absolutely NO benefit to a child being taken away from a good fit parent. Unfortunately it is usually the father. So good luck trying to make it better because the Family Legal System is very biased and incompetent and greedy!!!
Quote from: father99782 on Sep 19, 2011, 08:53:52 PM
Thanks.  My lawyer tried to use this in our case, but it was not accepted.
Great...You're very lucky. Alot of them too depending on the situation as far as the complaint on one parent they will read out of it what they want. This is very unethical and unjust on their part--but it happens all the time.
Unfortunately, in this country are Family Legal system is broken and is is in need of an overhaul. It is greedy,very biased and incompetent. And I am a woman and I can honestly say, it is the poor innocent fathers that still get hammered in the Family Legal System. It does not matter if your the best father in the world it is a losing proposition. And this is tragically wrong,wrong and wrong. Are legal system is very unfair and there certainly is no justice for all. Now, if you can prove that you're wife is a true abuser of somekind or totally incompetent, this is a different story--you would probably have a chance. Children need both good and fit parents in their lives to thrive no matter what the marital status is--unless there is some form of real abuse proven. The laws say this,but they don't follow it...They still lean toward the mother and in the long run they are destroying the futures of our children by giving sole access to a mother. Especially, a very selfish one and there are alot out there. Again, children need their good fathers--and just because a mother is a mother does not mean she is the better parent. There are very selfish mothers as well as bad mothers,i.e. abusers, drug addicts and etc...

But, I wish you luck if you're a good father.
Oh my Gosh,

I wish you lots of luck...I'm sorry, but the California Family Legal is the worse. They are corrupt,greedy,biased and incompetent.
So, if you are a father you better pray that you have a big time attorney that knows what he is doing in these situations--because you will lose. There are alot of bad attorneys there and evaluators. And the judges usually are so biased they have "B"'s stamped on their foreheads. They don't care about how good of a person you are or what you do--they will probably treat you like a criminal so get ready. And the unfortunate thing is too, they don't care about what is in the best interest of the child...The whole system is egregious to the relationships children have with their beloved parents. Again, it's the father that is crucified in their very unfair court system. I would not trust an evaluator there as far as I could throw him--they are only in it for the money and they bate their clients against one another. And again, they are usually mother friendly... I am a woman and I can say this very confidently--I have witnessed it- I know alot of other really good fathers out there that have lost their beloved childen because of them. It's truly sad. Best of Luck... Do your research!!!!!!!  Especially, if the mother is being very selfish--this happens alot.
These kind of testings I understand are very dubious at best...There are few Professional Psychologist and etc. that no how to read them in the first place. And depending on the attitude or frame of mind the client is in --can make a huge difference on the outcome of all these tests. For instance, if someone is extra nervous or possibly has ADHD this will truly vary the outcomes. You can come up with several different findings. Also, some other Psychologist can look at them and also disagree with the other one's conclusion. And it is very unfair that  they use these kinds of tests in a child custody evaluation. They can hurt a perfectly normal parent. And unfortunately, alot of this is done only for the money--not for the betterment of the child. This is egregious...
Custody Issues / Re: Moving case to another state
Aug 19, 2011, 12:07:23 PM
Sorry again, I just wanted to make myself clear that I am only talking about good fit parents in my comments--granted their are some bad seeds out there. But overall the majority of parents out there are good parents--however, nobody is perfect here. Please...We do seem to forget there are bad mothers out their as well-along some very narcissistic ones. I could name a few right now...It's just so tragic that the Family Legal System takes children away from GOOD parents--they don't discreminate here. The Family Legal System needs to change for the betterment of our children and their beloved parents.