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My ex refuses to allow my girlfriend/boyfriend to pick up my children. Can he/she do this?
Generally, no. Unless your parenting plan specifically states that only you can pick up the kids, then anyone you choose or 'designate' can pick them up, transport them to home or school, etc. For a more thorough discussion of this subject, read Who Can 'Pick Up' The Children?
My ex smokes around the children. I think this is bad for them. What can I do?
You probably can't do a whole lot about your ex smoking around the children. Without a court order prohibiting your ex from smoking in the presence of the children, he or she is allowed to do so. If you can show that his or her smoking is directly harming the children, the court may pay attention, but don't count on it. Most courts consider this to be a minor issue at best.
If you can show that the smoking is affecting the children, you may wish to cite this case:
TENNESSEE: Smith v. Smith, 1996 WL 591181 (Tenn. Ct. App. Oct. 11, 1996).
A case from Tennessee has joined the majority and held that evidence that a father's smoking harmed the child supported terminating the father's visitation rights until he can show the court that he will protect the child from exposure to second-hand smoke.
In that case, the evidence showed that the father smoked around the child and that, as a result, the child had sinus problems in the winter and ongoing problems with allergies. Since the evidence showed that the father's smoking had jeopardized the child's well-being, suspension of his visitation rights was not punitive. Smith v. Smith, 1996 WL 591181 (Tenn. Ct. App. Oct. 11, 1996).
My ex is 'bad-mouthing' me to the children and turning them against me. What can I do?
If your ex is alienating the children, there are steps you can take. Be aware that Parental Alienation can be extremely difficult to counter if your ex is truly determined. Some of these articles may be of assistance:
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What's the difference between Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome?
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You Don't Have To Prove PAS
- Life After PAS: Gaining Custody After Parental Alienation
Document the alienation as thoroughly as you can. If the alienation is severe, consider asking the court to intervene by ordering a custody or parenting evaluation. A trained evaluator should be able to discern the extent of the alienation taking place, and may be able to recommend to the court that custody be changed or reversed,or that sanctions be imposed on the alienating parent.
Be aware that the courts may not recognize or take the alienation seriously, regardless of its severity or how well documented it is.
How can I get more time with my child?
Provided you are not barred by a court order, there are several ways to spend more time with your child beyond the minimum in a decree.
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Be active in your child's school. Spend lunch or recess with your child. Visit child's class or be a classroom volunteer.
- Go to the extracurricular activities of the child. You may be able to watch practices as well as competitions, tournaments, or games. Volunteer as a coach or as an assistant.
- Offer to have child when other parent is not available and/or make use of the Right of First Refusal rather than having child spend time at a sitter or daycare.
Why is my soon-to-be-ex saying bad things about me to my child?
He or she may be saying bad things about you to the child for a number of reasons, such as insecurity, or hatred of you. The other parent may also be waging a campaign to turn the child against you and interfere with or destroy the relationship between you and your child.
This kind of alienation is, unfortunately, not terribly uncommon. If this behavior is taken to extremes it is generally referred to as 'parental alienation' or 'parental alienation syndrome' (PAS). A wealth of information on PAS can be found by doing a search for 'alienation'.