Stipulated Agreement

[HelpingHands]

Looks ok to me. Hard to say without knowing exactly what other issues might be potentially in dispute between the parties.

[socrateaser]

Please see the post for my response.

[HelpingHands]

Thanks :)

Generally, this is what was finally agreed to after years and years of litigation. This was basically a cover all bases approach to the custody and visitation orders , which has proven to be most effective at defining what is allowable and what is not.

Unfortunately, Mother has once again changed her mind today. She stated that she can not agree to providing transportation due to her finances, it is not fair to her to provide all transportation, yet when asked how splitting the transportation sounded- her pick up to start visitation, me pick up to end. She balked and said NO. She also asked if I was intending to seek child support from her, to which I replied "the court's will decide" She told me that she can not afford to pay child support and she wants child to live with her, that paying child support will just put her so far in the hole...her vehicle won't make it, it just wont(mind you my vehicles have both had to have motors put in them, and one vehicle is now disabled)  

She admitted today that she and boyfriend are NOT married- they have their own place(she already told me that) and that they plan to get married..and begin a new life together. She also stated that she doesn't believe child needs speech therapy- as she never had speech problems up there (yah she just forgot how to talk while with me) and that even though she's making A's here, since she can stay home with her even though shes in school all day- she misses her and wants her home.

1. How do we prove contempt, besides the obvious asking her under oath, that she is living with her boyfriend, never provided her 30 day written notice and is cohabitating against court orders?

2. She was provided information re: the pending IEP for speech, the schools' information- is it not her responsibility to also contact the school to find out why she's being evaluated if she doesn't agree? Further, if she states she doesn't believe she has a speech problem but all of a sudden does, won't that prove her as unable to assess the child's educational needs?

3. I just retained counsel 11/14 and I believe she's now realizing that it's not going to be to her advantage in the courtroom. The attorney said he was going to ask for a postponement to better prepare for the case. Being that the case was appealed back in Aug, the hearing date to set trial was in Oct and that fact that I was JUST able to retain counsel allow for a postponement or are we stuck putting on the case as is?

4. With the pending Thanksgiving visitation, the fact mother is cohabiting against orders, also in violation of providing prior 30 days written notice to court and me, can I have my attorney request that she complete a home evaluation prior to visitation because of new persons entering home, since she is acting irratically, cohabitating and not providing an address? If so, what's the chances of that happening?

Thank you so much for all the help you've given me.

[socrateaser]

>1. How do we prove contempt, besides the obvious asking her
>under oath, that she is living with her boyfriend, never
>provided her 30 day written notice and is cohabitating against
>court orders?

Send a certified letter, return receipt requested to the bf at the same address as your ex. If he signs for it, you have proof.

>
>2. She was provided information re: the pending IEP for
>speech, the schools' information- is it not her responsibility
>to also contact the school to find out why she's being
>evaluated if she doesn't agree? Further, if she states she
>doesn't believe she has a speech problem but all of a sudden
>does, won't that prove her as unable to assess the child's
>educational needs?

Not really. She can just say she's changed her mind after reading the school's report.

>
>3. I just retained counsel 11/14 and I believe she's now
>realizing that it's not going to be to her advantage in the
>courtroom. The attorney said he was going to ask for a
>postponement to better prepare for the case. Being that the
>case was appealed back in Aug, the hearing date to set trial
>was in Oct and that fact that I was JUST able to retain
>counsel allow for a postponement or are we stuck putting on
>the case as is?

Judge will usually continue a case if you've hired a lawyer.

>4. With the pending Thanksgiving visitation, the fact mother
>is cohabiting against orders, also in violation of providing
>prior 30 days written notice to court and me, can I have my
>attorney request that she complete a home evaluation prior to
>visitation because of new persons entering home, since she is
>acting irratically, cohabitating and not providing an address?
>If so, what's the chances of that happening?

You can ask. It's up to the judge. Can you prove she's acting erratically? If not, the judge probably won't place this sort of restriction on the other parent.

[HelpingHands]

She refused to give me the new address when I asked, Soc! I have no new address to send this cert letter to.(she said she will mail the addy  to me when she has everything settled and turned on) She told me twice, told my wife and told my child she and he live together now as she no longer lives with her parents. Yesterday she admitted she has not yet married him either but plans to.

1. Now what course of action? I leave today for court tomorrow. During tonight's phone visitation ask if we can swing by to let her visit with child for a few minutes at her new home(but then won't that encourage the behavour?) and take notes and pictures?? LOL Honestly, I am lost how to prove someone moved when they have covered their butts with their parent's  lies before.

2. Moving out of your 'stable residence' in the middle of a custody trial, without providing 30 days' notice at least to the court, stating you wish to drop case, then go forward, moving in with your boyfriend against court orders, refusing to give your child an address or the courts, don't know what day of the week it is and tells this to your child and claiming you are acting in your child's best interests is NOT acting erractically? Eeks. What proves acting erractically then?

3. So the minute she takes the child and spends the night in their current home with the child(if it's continued) she will be in CLEAR violation of the order, since this is a no cohabitation order(defining no cohabitation while with the child) since she can claim she had no intentions of actually taking her child to sleep in the new house, with her new puppy she just bought her and the room she set up for her, right? Besides the child's account of where she stayed during the T-day break, how is this proven? Wish I had the bucks for a PI right now!!  

4. What is it called when you are willfully and intentionally TRYING to contempt the order, but haven't yet done so- meaning, she is no longer living at her old address, she has set up new residence, she set up our daughter's bedroom, she is intetionally 'about to' contempt herself?

5. Even if this case is continued, can the new residential address issue be addressed for defining where the child will be staying (because this IS IN THE ORDER and it is VA LAW to be notified 30 in advance of residential change) during visitation, therefore she will hopefully not realize admitting  to contempting the order?? Asking for a specific address as I am aware that the plaintiff has moved but has not yet provided the physical address of such.... and then she will have to admit she moved- giving an address AND phone number- the GAL can ask who lives in the home with her-(already informed her she moved in with BF) and BINGO- she nailed herself? Or am I being delusional to think things work that way?


Thanks again Soc, much appreciated!!

[socrateaser]

>1. Now what course of action? I leave today for court
>tomorrow. During tonight's phone visitation ask if we can
>swing by to let her visit with child for a few minutes at her
>new home(but then won't that encourage the behavour?) and take
>notes and pictures?? LOL Honestly, I am lost how to prove
>someone moved when they have covered their butts with their
>parent's  lies before.

You can testify to the fact that you brought the child to the residence and you can ask her if she lives there alone, or not. Then if you send the cert letter afterwards and the bf signs the receipt, you can move for contempt.

>
>2. Moving out of your 'stable residence' in the middle of a
>custody trial, without providing 30 days' notice at least to
>the court, stating you wish to drop case, then go forward,
>moving in with your boyfriend against court orders, refusing
>to give your child an address or the courts, don't know what
>day of the week it is and tells this to your child and
>claiming you are acting in your child's best interests is NOT
>acting erractically? Eeks. What proves acting erractically
>then?

People have a constitutionally protected right to travel/move. It's the child that can't be relocated. I haven't seen your prior orders, but I think you may be misinterpreting either the orders or the severity with which the court will view this.

A contempt can be overlooked if it's de minimis. Courts don't punish people for immaterial violations.

As far as erratic behavior goes, neither you nor the court is qualified to make that determination. You need a mental health expert, unless it's OBVIOUS, i.e., she's trying to jump off a bridge or slit her wrists.

>
>3. So the minute she takes the child and spends the night in
>their current home with the child(if it's continued) she will
>be in CLEAR violation of the order, since this is a no
>cohabitation order(defining no cohabitation while with the
>child) since she can claim she had no intentions of actually
>taking her child to sleep in the new house, with her new puppy
>she just bought her and the room she set up for her, right?
>Besides the child's account of where she stayed during the
>T-day break, how is this proven? Wish I had the bucks for a PI
>right now!!

How does her cohabitation injure the child? That's what the court will want to know. If the answer is, "It doesn't," then you're wasting your time on this issue.

>
>4. What is it called when you are willfully and intentionally
>TRYING to contempt the order, but haven't yet done so-
>meaning, she is no longer living at her old address, she has
>set up new residence, she set up our daughter's bedroom, she
>is intetionally 'about to' contempt herself?

I'm gonna defer any further answers till you anser me.

>
>5. Even if this case is continued, can the new residential
>address issue be addressed for defining where the child will
>be staying (because this IS IN THE ORDER and it is VA LAW to
>be notified 30 in advance of residential change) during
>visitation, therefore she will hopefully not realize admitting
> to contempting the order?? Asking for a specific address as I
>am aware that the plaintiff has moved but has not yet provided
>the physical address of such.... and then she will have to
>admit she moved- giving an address AND phone number- the GAL
>can ask who lives in the home with her-(already informed her
>she moved in with BF) and BINGO- she nailed herself? Or am I
>being delusional to think things work that way?

Evidence must be RELEVANT. In this case, it must be relevant to the child's best interests. If it's not, then the court's gonna view you as hostile and vindictive, and your case will backfire.

So, what are you trying to demonstrate with all this contempt stuff?

[HelpingHands]

I apologise. Been out of town for the hearing. It was postponed against her atty's liking for one month.

She never provided me a 30 days' notice prior to moving. She had already moved and her atty filed with the court her new address the day of court hearing. Even today, still nothing received from her about her new residence. Just found out that she is living with her boyfriend's male friend(roomating?) and her bf. Our daughter stayed with this man she doesn't know for several days. We specifically put in the order NO cohabitation, the GAL stressed the no cohabiting in AUG's order. She moved in with her bf and friend KNOWING that it's against the court order. BF has a criminal record. Don't know about the friend, yet. She told our daughter not to tell me that this guy was living with them...

Trying to use the contempt angle again, because she continues to NOT CARE about following anything in the order. Moral indescretions. 2nd boyfriend since Aug 05, that our child has been involved with.

Hopefully that clarified some for you.

Much appreciated!

[socrateaser]

>I apologise. Been out of town for the hearing. It was
>postponed against her atty's liking for one month.
>
>She never provided me a 30 days' notice prior to moving. She
>had already moved and her atty filed with the court her new
>address the day of court hearing. Even today, still nothing
>received from her about her new residence. Just found
>out that she is living with her boyfriend's male
>friend(roomating?) and her bf. Our daughter stayed with this
>man she doesn't know for several days. We specifically put in
>the order NO cohabitation, the GAL stressed the no cohabiting
>in AUG's order. She moved in with her bf and friend KNOWING
>that it's against the court order. BF has a criminal record.
>Don't know about the friend, yet. She told our daughter not to
>tell me that this guy was living with them...
>
>Trying to use the contempt angle again, because she continues
>to NOT CARE about following anything in the order. Moral
>indescretions. 2nd boyfriend since Aug 05, that our child has
>been involved with.

If the BF has a criminal record (actual conviction, not just arrest), then this would be evidence that could cause the judge to actually use the contempt against her. It could also be used to request that the child be placed in your care until the other parent relocates herself permanently from the BF.

Of course, you're going to have to be able to prove your case, which means getting some public record of the BF's conviction, and then getting evidence of his living with the other parent (send him a certified return receipt letter or a UPS package to her address -- if he signs, you have the evidence).