Make up time

[backwardsbike]

All parties are in PA.  I have joint leagal custody and partial physical custody.  I only see the children EOW and half of summers and half of holidays.  

A GAL was appointed in this case in November.  She has contacted my attorney because my DD who is 14 wanted to particpate in a school play.  The play, which is a yearly occurance takes the bulk of the weekend which is 50% of my parenting time for the month.  During that weekend I have no meaningful time with my DD.  I asked the CP for either two make up days or to switch weekends or to be able to get my DD from school in order to have dinner with her a few nights.

My X refused to reply to my request even though I sent it twice.  Ihad not been informed of the date that DD would have to declare her intention to be in the play or not.  X later said in counseling that he did not reply becasue "She knows I'm not giving make up time.  Why should I have to tell her again!"

I even tried working out make up time with her.  She just said that it was too stressful and couldn't understand why I wouldn't just give up the weekend.

I found out about her not being able to be in the play before the GAL called.  I offered to contact the school to try to get her  into the play by explaining what had happened.  My dd refused saying she no longer wanted to be in the play, but apprarently she communicated her displeasure to the GAL.

The GAL beleives I should forgo parenting time so the children can particpate in any activity at all.

I must mention that thier father supports NO activites unless it is volunteer firefighting becasue that's the activity he himself is involved in.  He rarely attends things the chiildren have at school.  

 My son had to recently quit a job becasue his father would not allow him to work on his father's custodial weekends.  My son had had the job for two years and was never once allowed to go to work on his dad's time.  Dad wouldn't even negotiate the Friday pick up time so son could go to work on time.  He had to be 45 minutes late every Friday night.

I beleive this was becasue the job was on my end of town and I had helped son get it.  Dad refused to allow this 17 year old to drive to the job because he wouldn't support it, but then dad complained because he felt he shouldn't have to drive to get son at 11:00 PM at night on Friday and Saturday nights.

My plan is continue doing exactly what I have been doing for the last nine years which is to allow the children to go to activites which do not take up over 50% of my parenting time and not allow those which keep the kids away for more than 50% of thier waking hours.

If I allow the children to go to all the thing s they should be going to my realtionship with them is weakened.  If I disallow acitives the children don't get to do anyhting age appropriate and are tied up with adults for at least four nights a week going to firefighter trainings.

There is currently no court order in place regarding activites.

Questions:

Would it be in my best interests to continue to do what I am doing and let the GAL be the one to file a motion if she feels a need to change the order? Or should I pursure something from the judge myself?

If the GAL did file a motion to change the part of the order and require me to take the children to any and all acitvites without make up time where would the burden of proof be regarding the children's best interest?

Do you have any ideas on waht to do since the children miss out significantly on age approriate acitives since they can only do them when with me and dad is so uncooperative?

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>Would it be in my best interests to continue to do what I am
>doing and let the GAL be the one to file a motion if she feels
>a need to change the order? Or should I pursure something from
>the judge myself?

Kids 14+ are developing their own friends and interests, and if they don't want to spend time with you, you shouldn't be surprised. The only way you will get anywhere with this situation is to have the child supporting your support of her social activities.

If you think the other parent is crushing the child's opportunities, then that is the case you should  bring to the GAL, and if necessary, the judge. Ask for some counseling with the child and each parent separately, and see if the therapist can get to the bottom of the issue, and then report to the court.

[backwardsbike]

All parties are in PA.  I have joint leagal custody and partial physical custody.  I only see the children EOW and half of summers and half of holidays.  

A GAL was appointed in this case in November.  She has contacted my attorney because my DD who is 14 wanted to particpate in a school play.  The play, which is a yearly occurance takes the bulk of the weekend which is 50% of my parenting time for the month.  During that weekend I have no meaningful time with my DD.  I asked the CP for either two make up days or to switch weekends or to be able to get my DD from school in order to have dinner with her a few nights.

My X refused to reply to my request even though I sent it twice.  Ihad not been informed of the date that DD would have to declare her intention to be in the play or not.  X later said in counseling that he did not reply becasue "She knows I'm not giving make up time.  Why should I have to tell her again!"

I even tried working out make up time with her.  She just said that it was too stressful and couldn't understand why I wouldn't just give up the weekend.

I found out about her not being able to be in the play before the GAL called.  I offered to contact the school to try to get her  into the play by explaining what had happened.  My dd refused saying she no longer wanted to be in the play, but apprarently she communicated her displeasure to the GAL.

The GAL beleives I should forgo parenting time so the children can particpate in any activity at all.

I must mention that thier father supports NO activites unless it is volunteer firefighting becasue that's the activity he himself is involved in.  He rarely attends things the chiildren have at school.  

 My son had to recently quit a job becasue his father would not allow him to work on his father's custodial weekends.  My son had had the job for two years and was never once allowed to go to work on his dad's time.  Dad wouldn't even negotiate the Friday pick up time so son could go to work on time.  He had to be 45 minutes late every Friday night.

I beleive this was becasue the job was on my end of town and I had helped son get it.  Dad refused to allow this 17 year old to drive to the job because he wouldn't support it, but then dad complained because he felt he shouldn't have to drive to get son at 11:00 PM at night on Friday and Saturday nights.

My plan is continue doing exactly what I have been doing for the last nine years which is to allow the children to go to activites which do not take up over 50% of my parenting time and not allow those which keep the kids away for more than 50% of thier waking hours.

If I allow the children to go to all the thing s they should be going to my realtionship with them is weakened.  If I disallow acitives the children don't get to do anyhting age appropriate and are tied up with adults for at least four nights a week going to firefighter trainings.

There is currently no court order in place regarding activites.

Questions:

Would it be in my best interests to continue to do what I am doing and let the GAL be the one to file a motion if she feels a need to change the order? Or should I pursure something from the judge myself?

If the GAL did file a motion to change the part of the order and require me to take the children to any and all acitvites without make up time where would the burden of proof be regarding the children's best interest?

Do you have any ideas on waht to do since the children miss out significantly on age approriate acitives since they can only do them when with me and dad is so uncooperative?

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>Would it be in my best interests to continue to do what I am
>doing and let the GAL be the one to file a motion if she feels
>a need to change the order? Or should I pursure something from
>the judge myself?

Kids 14+ are developing their own friends and interests, and if they don't want to spend time with you, you shouldn't be surprised. The only way you will get anywhere with this situation is to have the child supporting your support of her social activities.

If you think the other parent is crushing the child's opportunities, then that is the case you should  bring to the GAL, and if necessary, the judge. Ask for some counseling with the child and each parent separately, and see if the therapist can get to the bottom of the issue, and then report to the court.