Got a question about child property??

[drowprincess]

My brother has temporary physical custody of his 2 daughters, all of whom live with me, the question i have is :
1) where does it say my brother or I have to provide the driving of his kids for her to visit with them? As I am now being forced by all the attorneys involved to drive the kids to her so she can visit with them. ( to show the courts that my brother will be agreeable to allowing her visitations uninhibited)
2) As she has nothing for her kids, the attorneys are insisting upon my brother providing within her household beds, bedding, clothing, shoes, the whole works, is this normal operating procedure within a custody battle?
I am getting tired of jumping thru hoops to please someone who doesnt have custody of the kids to begin with. as she wont deal with my brother in any aspect that doesnt involve some sort of adversial conduct; agruing, yelling, even some physical violence. Please help with any info you may have...

Stuck in the middle of absolute ugliness!!!!

[wendl]

WHAT

Personally you shouldn't have to provide beds, bedding etc while in their mothers care, I could understand packing an overnight bag with clothing and toothbrushes.

My dh is the NCP parent and his ex doesn't provide him even with an overnight bag for the kids we have clothing at our house for them that stay at our house.

I would suggest to the attorney that your brother drives to HER house to PICK up the kids and mom drive to your brothers house to pick them up, that way each parent is only driving one way.

What your attorney is saying sounds silly, most parents regardless of cp or ncp cannot afford to fulling furnish both parents homes, it shoud be each parents responsibility to do so.

Mom can go to the local thrift store and purchase things the kids need, if she cannot afford beds she can buy soft mats for the kids to sleep on.

Just my opinions but I am sure others here will agree with me.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[drowprincess]

thank you for the reply...

I would think she would have everything she could possibly need- as she cleaned the house out when she left.
The overnight bag with jammies, teddy bears, tooth brushes, wouldnt be a problem- cuz they are things they take everywhere ( minus the jammies and toothbrushes..lol)
I just have reached the last of my patience with a court system that doesnt care about anything other than how much money they can cost someone..
The attorneys are at a stand still as anything anyone offers to her is not acceptable- it is only as she wishes it to be. she changes everything after it has been agreed upon.
I was agreeable to being a go between - as I thought it would be less problematic for the kids as well as much healthier for them not to see thier parents involved in yelling matches or worse. but this is going to far as I have my own plans that are always being cancelled because of some new thing which requires more and more of my time.
I am just at a loss now that I'm being told - bro has to outfit her house, provide a way for her to see the girls. if he could stay out of court maybe he could afford to move out of my home and give thier kids what they had before.

[smtotwo]

His attorney works FOR HIM!!  Its this job to do what you r brothers kids need. Not dictate to your brother how things should be done.

Second STOP< STOP STOP provoding all transportation.  You're setting a precedent that will be difficult to undo.

Brother and attorney NEED to get into court and get an order in place.  If she refuses to agree to anything then, go bavck to court and ask for a GAL, guardian ad litem, whose job it is to look out for the best interest of the kids.

Is she working?  Paying support?  If not, get his hinder into child support and ask for a support order!

If HIS attorney is saying he HAS to furnish her house, and sticking to his guns on this, he needs a new attorney, like yesterday.

In regards to transportation, our attorney said and I quote "HE WHO WANTS FETCHES"

So if she wants the kids she MUST get them, If he wants them back at the end of the visit then he MUST get them.  If she wants them bad enough She'll find a way to get them.

[joni]

Is this a custody battle alone or a divorce with custody determination?

[FLMom]

I think you've been struck by the common misconception that a lot of parents in custody battles have fallen for.

It's not over in a few weeks, or even a few months. There's a lot of steps to the whole process. There's the intitial filings, then mediation, hearings that accomplish very little, more meetings and conferences, then if it gets really nasty you get a guardian ad litem, social workers and maybe even the judge's appointed person to look over things. It's a LONG tenuous process.

It sounds like you made a very wonderful and sound decision in recognizing that your brother and his (almost?) ex wife needed to have a go-between to keep things civil in the kids' eyes. Now it's a few months (?) down the road and you're starting to get irritated of the whole deal and all of the effort that you're putting forth that is seeming to go nowhere right now.

In custody cases, one must have the patience of a saint.

Your brother's attorney is right on the money. Yes, doing all of these things like providing things that the mother should be doing on her own does seem ridiculous. In legal-land however, when this information of all that your brother has done for his kids makes it in front of the judge, he becomes "the better person". In a custody case a judge sometimes has no choice but to hold his/her nose and and pick the parent that stinks the less as the primary. So let's look at it as a judge will see things:

Mother: Working? Cannot provide basics for children. Makes exchange times for the children uncomfortable. Cannot even provide toiletries(?!)

Father: Has been primary custodian of children since separation. Ensures children are provided for even when they aren't in his care.
Provides transportation with the help of a family support system to ensure that his children have continuing contact with their mother.

See where I'm going with this? In court he's going to come off as MUCH less stinky.

It's going to be a lot of effort for a very long time. Yes, it's hard to see your brother struggling right now, but it sounds like he's setting the stage for things being much easier later on down the road. I urge you, if you can stomach it, to continue to help him. Scream into pillows, roll your eyes a lot when no one is looking, do what you have to do.

This is a good place to start learning about what lies ahead. I urge you to read the archives on this site. The people here have had the same feeling that you are having right now--why am I DOING this?? The answer is our kids. One thing you'll see over and over is DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. Hopefully your brother is keeping a journal. You as his support system could start one also.

Good luck and please keep us updated.

[MYSONSDAD]

I agree, will look like he is very responsible...

Having support systems also documenting can make a big difference. Everyone has different views and will see different things...