Custody of a teenager

[escape2paradise]

State is WA

I have a 13 yr old daughter.  X left when she was one year.  We were not married.  I have raised daughter soley and X has had liberal visitation when he has chosen to exercise it.

We have no legal agreements filed.  He is not on birth certificate, nor has paternity ever been established.

He has paid CS about half the time.  The times he has paid it has been at a rate of less than half of what he would have been required by the state (I am basing this off of the CS schedule for WA).  He has always paid with cash, with the exception of last 8 months.

X now lives about 80 miles away.  He has a history of drugs and has been in treatment numerous times.  Has a few misdemeanor thefts, one as recently as last year.  He hasn't had a job in 6 years.  Supposedly due to a diagnosis of adult ADD.  He has SO that supports him.

I have no record, drug problems etc...I remarried about 10 yrs ago.  Marriage is extremely stable.  DH has stable job, provides all medical etc.. I run a small home based business so I can be at home for my kids.  We also have two sons 7 and 4 yrs.

Daughter is a 4.0 student.  Participates in a couple of sports, takes acting classes, plays in school band etc...Daughter has stated desire to live with X.  Says she is not unhappy here, just wants a chance to be with dad.

I handle all her business.  Dr appts., activities, school stuff etc... X has never even asked to help with anything has always just let me handle.

I have always encouraged the relationship between X and daughter as I believe it is in her best interest to know her dad.  Not that a I think he is the best influence.  His family is wonderful, I am close to them and daughter also spends time with them on regular basis.

X filed a parentage motion with a temporary parenting plan listing him with physical custody, me EOW, holiday etc...His reason stated is that my DH is verbally abusive to our children, which is a total lie!  When I asked X about the abuse, he says we yell at our children and that is domestic violence.  Mind you, yes we sometimes have to yell when remprimanding our children, but we do not call them names or belittle them etc....

1.  In your opinion, what chance does X have of obtaining custody given the facts above?

2.  How does the court determine the amount of back support owed when there are essentially no records on either side?

3.  Does the fact that we have no legal custody agreement hurt me and render the typical "change in circumstances" requirement not applicable?

4.  In your experience are courts willing to take the child out of a stable consistent environment into a lesser one just because the child wants to check out the other side?

5.  Will the fact that I've always allowed visitation, even thought X is not most stable individual, go against me?

6.  Will accusation of Domestic violence hurt us?  Is yelling really considered domestic violence?

7.  Can I get access to his therapy records?  

8.   If I ask for a pysch eval. will I need to take one as well?

[socrateaser]

>1.  In your opinion, what chance does X have of obtaining
>custody given the facts above?

I don't do odds. But I'd say that he will get visitation -- nothing else.

>
>2.  How does the court determine the amount of back support
>owed when there are essentially no records on either side?

No back support, because you admit that father has paid, and you accepted the payment offered as adequate, rather than requesting guideline support via legal action.

>
>3.  Does the fact that we have no legal custody agreement hurt
>me and render the typical "change in circumstances"
>requirement not applicable?

There is no change in circumstances.

>
>4.  In your experience are courts willing to take the child
>out of a stable consistent environment into a lesser one just
>because the child wants to check out the other side?

No.

>
>5.  Will the fact that I've always allowed visitation, even
>thought X is not most stable individual, go against me?

No.

>
>6.  Will accusation of Domestic violence hurt us?  Is yelling
>really considered domestic violence?

No, and maybe, but what proof is there? A: none.

>7.  Can I get access to his therapy records?  

No.

>8.   If I ask for a pysch eval. will I need to take one as
>well?

Yes.

[escape2paradise]

>>1.  In your opinion, what chance does X have of obtaining
>>custody given the facts above?
>
>I don't do odds. But I'd say that he will get visitation --
>nothing else.

When you say visitation only, does that mean it is likely that I would retain sole custody or just physical custody with both having legal custody?  



>>2.  How does the court determine the amount of back support
>>owed when there are essentially no records on either side?
>
>No back support, because you admit that father has paid, and
>you accepted the payment offered as adequate, rather than
>requesting guideline support via legal action.

Yes, he has paid some of the time, but he missed as many as half of his payments.  Are you saying that because I accepted payment when he did pay that I'm not entitled to the missed payments?



>>3.  Does the fact that we have no legal custody agreement
>hurt
>>me and render the typical "change in circumstances"
>>requirement not applicable?
>
>There is no change in circumstances.

I understand there is no change.  What I am wondering is, since we don't have a legal custody agreement already, does he still have to show a change in order to alter the current status quo?  Current status quo being my essentially having what would be legally termed as sole custody and him limited to visitation?



>>7.  Can I get access to his therapy records?  
>
>No.

Is a GAL able to access these records?


Will my boys be subjected to interviews by the GAL, Psychologists etc...?

[socrateaser]

>>>1.  In your opinion, what chance does X have of obtaining
>>>custody given the facts above?
>>
>>I don't do odds. But I'd say that he will get visitation --
>>nothing else.
>
>When you say visitation only, does that mean it is likely that
>I would retain sole custody or just physical custody with both
>having legal custody?  

WA courts generally award joint legal custody and primary and secondary physical custody. However, as you have been the sole custodian for years, I think that the court would likely award joint legal and sole physical with visitation to the other parent, or you with primary physical and the other parent with an extremely limited amount of secondary physical custody, not much different than visitation (like maybe one weekend per month and two weeks in summer).

The children will almost certainly be interviewed to see what their view of the relationship with the other parent is.

>>>2.  How does the court determine the amount of back support
>>>owed when there are essentially no records on either side?
>>
>>No back support, because you admit that father has paid, and
>>you accepted the payment offered as adequate, rather than
>>requesting guideline support via legal action.
>
>Yes, he has paid some of the time, but he missed as many as
>half of his payments.  Are you saying that because I accepted
>payment when he did pay that I'm not entitled to the missed
>payments?

You've stated that the parent was never judged by the court to be a legal parent, and that no court order for support has ever been made. So, the other parent cannot have "missed" a payment, because he doesn't legally owe you for any support (and the "support" he has thus far paid, isn't actually support -- it's just a "gift," because he doesn't owe it to you).

Example: Do you owe your neighbor support to pay his/her house payment because you live next door and share a fence?

>>>3.  Does the fact that we have no legal custody agreement
>>hurt me and render the typical "change in circumstances"
>>>requirement not applicable?
>>
>>There is no change in circumstances.
>
>I understand there is no change.  What I am wondering is,
>since we don't have a legal custody agreement already, does he
>still have to show a change in order to alter the current
>status quo?  Current status quo being my essentially having
>what would be legally termed as sole custody and him limited
>to visitation?

There is no "status quo," because it has never been legally established. Your action will be determined using the same rules which would exist were the children born yesterday.

>>>7.  Can I get access to his therapy records?  
>>
>>No.
>
>Is a GAL able to access these records?

No. These records are privileged. NO ONE can reach them (at least, not legally).

>Will my boys be subjected to interviews by the GAL,
>Psychologists etc...?

Probably. That's how a GAL finds out what the children's best interests are.

[escape2paradise]

>>>>2.  How does the court determine the amount of back
>support
>>>>owed when there are essentially no records on either side?
>
>>>
>>>No back support, because you admit that father has paid,
>and
>>>you accepted the payment offered as adequate, rather than
>>>requesting guideline support via legal action.
>>
>>Yes, he has paid some of the time, but he missed as many as
>>half of his payments.  Are you saying that because I
>accepted
>>payment when he did pay that I'm not entitled to the missed
>>payments?
>
>You've stated that the parent was never judged by the court to
>be a legal parent, and that no court order for support has
>ever been made. So, the other parent cannot have "missed" a
>payment, because he doesn't legally owe you for any support (and the "support" he has thus far paid, isn't actually
>support -- it's just a "gift," because he doesn't owe it to
>you).
>
>Example: Do you owe your neighbor support to pay his/her house
>payment because you live next door and share a fence?


If this is the case then has he ever really paid any child support?  I don't want him to have to pay for the entire past 13 years, but shouldn't he be required to pay something?

>>Will my boys be subjected to interviews by the GAL,
>>Psychologists etc...?
>
>Probably. That's how a GAL finds out what the children's best
>interests are.

I'm confused,  my boys aren't my X's children,  they are mine and my current DH.  Is the GAL looking at their best interests in relation to my DH and myself, in relation to my daughter?
>
>
>

[socrateaser]

>If this is the case then has he ever really paid any child
>support?  I don't want him to have to pay for the entire past
>13 years, but shouldn't he be required to pay something?

The law does not deal in "should." Things are lawful or unlawful. Either the father owes support or he does not. Every state has limits on how far back a person can be forced to pay support. In your case, you will argue that the father never paid support. He will defend on grounds of equitable laches, which means that you waited an unreasonably long time to assert your rights to support, and that he is unreasonably prejudiced as a result, because he paid you, you accepted payment without demanding what you would have been legally entitled to, so it is reasonable that the amount you received was the amount that you needed -- no more and no less.

The outcome would depend on the judge's opinion of what is fair under the circumstances. If I were judge, I wouldn't award you one cent of back support based on the facts, based on the equitable prinicples involved. This may not seem fair to you, but the question remains as to why you requested nothing more and accepted what you received. Imposing a huge arrears on the other parent now would be an extraordinary burden which would completely destroy that parent's station in life. In short, awarding you retroactive support today would punish the other parent for YOUR failure to enforce YOUR rights in the past.

But, I'm not your judge, so I can't say what the outcome will be.

>I'm confused,  my boys aren't my X's children,  they are mine
>and my current DH.  Is the GAL looking at their best interests
>in relation to my DH and myself, in relation to my daughter?

Sorry, but there are a lot of cases posted here, and I don't read the fact patterns from top to bottom every time someone posts. So, I don't remember the cast of characters. However, if you only have one child, it's still likely that your other children will be interviewed to discover the nature of the sibling relationship.

[escape2paradise]

My daughter went for her visitation this weekend and was not returned to me.  THis is the first visitation since the initial hearing, which was continued per my request.


X called me at 4:00pm to inform that my 13 yr old didn't want to come home.  That she now fears for her safety!!  He threatened to call Child Protective Services if I called police.  I said go ahead I will not be scared into giving up my daughter,  I have nothing to hide.  My children are not abused in any way shape or form.

I called police, filed my report when X didn't show at the meeting place etc... Police of course can't enforce the temp parenting plan when an allegation of abuse is present.  

Called my attorney and left message.  Daughter is now with X, is refusing to talk to me on phone.  Police can't tell me what abuse allegations are.

I know that no abuse exists.  My X is brainwashing my daughter, has threatened to leave her, has coached her about what to say in court.  I have proof of this.


Daughter is 80 miles away from school.  X knows that the only chance, in you know what, that he has of gaining custody is to allege abuse.  He admitted this to my husband before the legal stuff ever started.  


I am completely floored.  Have always taken care of daughter, fostered relationship with X and his family and now look where that has gotten me.  I am scared for my daughter I know she didn't plan this as she didnt' take much with her and her prized possesions were left behind.  I can't imagine what he is saying and doing to manipulate her.  I should have listened when everyone was telling me what he was trying to do.  He would call her, 6-12 times per day and I didn't want to interfere.  She won't even speak to X's mom whom she is extremely close with.

What can I do besides file a contempt charge?  

Do I just sit back and hope that the truth prevails?

[Sherry1]

but have you talked to a lawyer?  I think you need to retain counsel ASAP!

[socrateaser]

>My daughter went for her visitation this weekend and was not
>returned to me.  THis is the first visitation since the
>initial hearing, which was continued per my request.
>
>
>X called me at 4:00pm to inform that my 13 yr old didn't want
>to come home.  That she now fears for her safety!!  He
>threatened to call Child Protective Services if I called
>police.  I said go ahead I will not be scared into giving up
>my daughter,  I have nothing to hide.  My children are not
>abused in any way shape or form.
>
>I called police, filed my report when X didn't show at the
>meeting place etc... Police of course can't enforce the temp
>parenting plan when an allegation of abuse is present.  
>
>Called my attorney and left message.  Daughter is now with X,
>is refusing to talk to me on phone.  Police can't tell me what
>abuse allegations are.
>
>I know that no abuse exists.  My X is brainwashing my
>daughter, has threatened to leave her, has coached her about
>what to say in court.  I have proof of this.
>
>
>Daughter is 80 miles away from school.  X knows that the only
>chance, in you know what, that he has of gaining custody is to
>allege abuse.  He admitted this to my husband before the legal
>stuff ever started.  
>
>
>I am completely floored.  Have always taken care of daughter,
>fostered relationship with X and his family and now look where
>that has gotten me.  I am scared for my daughter I know she
>didn't plan this as she didnt' take much with her and her
>prized possesions were left behind.  I can't imagine what he
>is saying and doing to manipulate her.  I should have listened
>when everyone was telling me what he was trying to do.  He
>would call her, 6-12 times per day and I didn't want to
>interfere.  She won't even speak to X's mom whom she is
>extremely close with.
>
>What can I do besides file a contempt charge?  

You call CPS, and circumvent the other parent's entire argument. Other than that, if the police won't help, then you will need an emergency hearing to get the other parent into court. And, if you have a report from CPS saying that there's nothing wrong with the child, that will take some of the wind out of the other parent's sails.

>Do I just sit back and hope that the truth prevails?
>
>