Custody Evaluation results

[mistoffolees]

My stbx and I signed an agreement that we would share custody of our 8 YO daughter 50:50 and had our attorneys witness it before I moved out of the house. For 5 months, everything's been great and my daughter is thriving.

STBX decided to sue for custody and we agreed to custody evaluation. She provided a list of evaluators and we accepted one from the list.

Evaluaton report says that she has several personality disorders (Histrionic Personality Disorder and Narcissistiic Personality Disorder) as well as several elevated MMPI-2 scales which indicate a lack of truthfulness and distorted view of reality. No disorders for me.

Still, evaluator found that both parents are capable of raising daughter and recommended that the current 50:50 schedule be maintained.

STBX goes ballistic over report and says she wants a second opinion. Is it likely that the judge will allow it?

Thx.

[socrateaser]

>STBX goes ballistic over report and says she wants a second
>opinion. Is it likely that the judge will allow it?

No, re appointing someone new, but spouse can retain second expert to try to rebut first expert's findings.

[mistoffolees]

She agreed to shared custody until we made our finanical offer and then sued for sole custody.

She insisted on custody evaluation and she chose the evaluator.

When she didn't like the results, she's going to try to rebut the evaluator she chose?

Is that likely to get her anywhere or would it take a very major mistake on the evaluator's part?

[socrateaser]

>Is that likely to get her anywhere or would it take a very
>major mistake on the evaluator's part?

Exactly.

[mistoffolees]

Thanks.

We had our first mediation meeting today. She's finally willing to agree to joint custody (with the caveat that she and her attorney can change her mind any time they wish until the judge signs it). While the mediation discussions are, of course, inadmissble, at least there's some sign that she's starting to come to her senses and try to end this thing.

[mistoffolees]

Oh, yes. After 14 years of marriage, I'm quite familiar with her bs.

She's starting by whining to the mediator about how much I'm starving her on a temporary basis (ignoring the fact that she and her lawyer have blocked every attempt to discuss settlement). I put together a spreadsheet that says that in the 5 months since we separated, she has had 64% of our joint disposable income and I've had only 36%. The mediator just nodded (he used to by my attorney's law partner and he said to her that my stbx is a very difficult client).

She has given me a proposal for a 'fair' settlement. It involves me transferring about 90-95% of our marital assets (which are substantial) to her. PLUS giving her about half of my salary for 7 years. PLUS paying all of my daughter's expenses for private school, activities, medical, and child care until my daughter reaches 18. PLUS paying 100% of my daughter's college and graduate school. PLUS paying child support per the state guidelines.

Then, she kept calling me to harrass me about money (this is a weekly occurrence). Finally, I asked her what she wanted. She gave me a figure for alimony and said we needed split assets equally. When I wrote her offer down and told her this is what she agreed to, she said it wasn't enough (I, of course, already knew that would be the case).

I told her I'm no longer willing to discuss anything with her except in mediation. Since my attorney and I are both quite experienced with NPD types, we're ready. Also, I'm extremely quick with numbers so I think I've already figured out how to let her have what she wants but still come out better myself. She just isn't bright enough to understand the repurcussions of what she's demanding.

The funny part is that she demanded a custody evaluation and she chose 3 evaluators that we could choose from. We chose one of her evaluators and his report states that she has NPD as well as histrionic disorder and is prone to lie to make herself look good. But she accused me of somehow forcing him to say that - everyone knows that she's perfect.

In the end, I think it's extremely unlikely that we'll ever reach an agreement in medation. Her demands are just completely unreasonable. Even if we do reach an agreement, I fully expect she'll refuse to sign the final agreement and we'll end up in court, anyway.

However, I don't mind her attempts to drag it out because the major issue is custody. My daughter has been alternating weeks in our 2 homes for almost 6 months now (she's thriving both with grades and social adjustment) and the longer it goes on, the less likely it is to ever change. Not to mention that the longer I continue to support her at the current level (which I can afford but which still gives her a very comfortable position), the less argument she's going to have in court that I've cheated her.

I'm looking forward to being through with dealing with her contstant nagging about money.  Unfortunately, it's probably going to be 6 months before I have a final settlment - or more.