To report or not to report?

[Kitty C.]

I don't hold our court system in the highest regard either, which is why I think they give more credence to a 3rd party objective referral than a parent or step-parent.  Were you reported through CPS/DHS or was this an issue that was brought up in court during proceedings?  That makes a difference as well.  

I've always said that if you can get a report made by an objective 3rd party, the 'system' treats it totally different than if it's made from within the family.  Shouldn't be this way, but then again, there is a positive aspect to it.  Probably the reason they don't give credence to a report made from within the family is because of the serious probability of vindictiveness (wish they would apply that to other circumstances as well) and an objective 3rd party doesn't have a stake in the case.

[Kent]

Thank you all for your input.

The problem is that we have told him multiple times that there is really nothing we can do about it as long as he doesn't bear marks, and that if he wants something done about it, he needs to talk to his teacher and/or school counselor.

But he won't do that.

Kent!

[wysiwyg]

I have not read all the posts here yet, but I did read the original, my gut is kinda between a rock and a hard place on this.  Because we have kinda faced a similar sitation.  My DH and his ex used to be in mediaiton and the mediator stated that all kids lie for attention and is escalated in a highly contested divorce situation in that the kid can not get his way with one parent he plays the sympathy card, now I am not saying this is your case, but what I am saying is that could it be that the child is exaggerating the situation?  being there are no marks and no "proof" that this is happening?  My SS called me one day to come get him from school cause he and his BM Had a fight and he was afraid to go home.   Now had I gone I would be in jail for sure, however, he caused a situation that he was at fault for and his BM was totally in the right for her yelling at him and the punishmnet.  I was put in a situation that I could not get him without upsetting his mom and going to jail, nor could I betray him and tell him I felt she was right.  My answer, was that he needed to work it out at home and if he had an issue then he had to take it upon himself to get the help he deemed necessary.  I am not saying that your child is crying wolf, but I wonder if she is making a mountian out of a molehill and in the process putting other people at risk in many ways.  

[Kitty C.]

Kent,

I'm sure he knows that if it's serious and legit, he can go to a teacher and counselor any time.......they really preach this into kids at school.  His unwillingness to go to someone at school makes me wonder what the situation truly is.  You may have to talk to him further and see if there's something else going on.  In the meantime, your SO shouldn't worry about not reporting, since as an SM, she isn't technically 'working' in the capacity of her usual job that makes her a mandatory reporter.

Hope this helps.......

[mistoffolees]

You can't make him testify. As others have stated, there's always a chance that he's doing it for attention (it has happened, believe me).

One option might be to suggest that you both or just he meet with a psychologist on a regular basis. If you can present this in a way that it's not threatening ('I know divorce is hard and thought you might like to have someone just to talk to about things that you might not want to talk to your mother or me about' or something like that). If he has a relationship with a good counselor, it's going to help no matter what. If he's lying, it will help the truth to come out. If he's telling the truth, but he's scared about repurcussions, it will help. If he really does want to talk but is afraid someone will get in trouble, it will help.

The key is getting him to go into counseling. My personal view is that every person in this country should get regular psych preventive care visits just like regularl MD preventive care visits, but that's another story.