Need advice - missing Soc

[gemini3]

Sorry for the long one -

My ex has been taking one of my daughters to a therapist for over a year for an alleged molestation (not by me- but at my house).  At the time of the allegation we were seperated and I was afraid that it was going to hurt me as far as visitation and custody went, and the ex threatened me with it every chance she got.  I didn't have an attorney and couldn't afford one.  So, I didn't feel that I could argue the therapy because I would be viewed as not looking out for the best interest of the child.

The alleged molestation was never reported to CPS, but my ex started taking my daughter to therapy.  The therapist is a LCSW, and she's been treating her for a molestation all this time.  I met with her in the beginning and asked her if she thought it had really happened, and she said that "something definitely happened".  I wanted to do what was best for my daughter, so I consented to the therapy.

It's now over a year later and she's still in treatment.  I now have an attorney and a much better understanding of my rights.  I have met with her therapist several times over the last few months, and she can't give me a straight answer on anything.  She refuses to give me access to my daughters therapy notes.  She said recently that she was told that CPS had been called but they never investigated because the "perpetrator" had left the state.  This is, of course, completely untrue.  She also said that when my daughter began therapy she had no feelings of shame associated with the incident, but she had recently begun to show them.

My feeling is that my ex has utilized this therapist to alienate my daughter from me by supporting her allegation of abuse, and then compounded the problem by treating her for something that she had never confirmed.  She never called CPS to see if I report had been filed - I have, and there wasn't.  She never filed anything herself.  She's, unwittingly, helped my ex create a memory in my daughter of something terrible that never happened.

I don't know what to do.  I have asked my ex to stop taking her there, and she won't listen to me.  She keeps saying that it would be "disruptive to her healing".  I don't want this woman treating my daughter anymore.  We have joint legal, but my ex has primary physical.  We have a pending custody hearing approaching.  Any advice on what I should do?  Should I report this therapist?

[mistoffolees]

>Sorry for the long one -
>
>My ex has been taking one of my daughters to a therapist for
>over a year for an alleged molestation (not by me- but at my
>house).  At the time of the allegation we were seperated and I
>was afraid that it was going to hurt me as far as visitation
>and custody went, and the ex threatened me with it every
>chance she got.  I didn't have an attorney and couldn't afford
>one.  So, I didn't feel that I could argue the therapy because
>I would be viewed as not looking out for the best interest of
>the child.
>
>The alleged molestation was never reported to CPS, but my ex
>started taking my daughter to therapy.  The therapist is a
>LCSW, and she's been treating her for a molestation all this
>time.  I met with her in the beginning and asked her if she
>thought it had really happened, and she said that "something
>definitely happened".  I wanted to do what was best for my
>daughter, so I consented to the therapy.
>
>It's now over a year later and she's still in treatment.  I
>now have an attorney and a much better understanding of my
>rights.  I have met with her therapist several times over the
>last few months, and she can't give me a straight answer on
>anything.  She refuses to give me access to my daughters
>therapy notes.  She said recently that she was told that CPS
>had been called but they never investigated because the
>"perpetrator" had left the state.  This is, of course,
>completely untrue.  She also said that when my daughter began
>therapy she had no feelings of shame associated with the
>incident, but she had recently begun to show them.
>
>My feeling is that my ex has utilized this therapist to
>alienate my daughter from me by supporting her allegation of
>abuse, and then compounded the problem by treating her for
>something that she had never confirmed.  She never called CPS
>to see if I report had been filed - I have, and there wasn't.
>She never filed anything herself.  She's, unwittingly, helped
>my ex create a memory in my daughter of something terrible
>that never happened.
>
>I don't know what to do.  I have asked my ex to stop taking
>her there, and she won't listen to me.  She keeps saying that
>it would be "disruptive to her healing".  I don't want this
>woman treating my daughter anymore.  We have joint legal, but
>my ex has primary physical.  We have a pending custody hearing
>approaching.  Any advice on what I should do?  Should I report
>this therapist?

If you already have a custody hearing scheduled, I would hold off until then. Talk with your lawyer about the best way to bring up your concerns.

With joint legal, your ex has the right to take the daughter in for therapy. I suspect you're going to have a very, very hard time convincing the judge that it's a bad thing. I also think it's going to be pretty hard to prove that this particular therapist is incompetent or doing any harm.

Your lawyer may have different advice, but my gut says that this is a no-win battle and you should focus on things you CAN control.

As to the question of whether it can hurt you, I wouldn't think so if you didn't know it was going on and if your ex says that the perpetrator has left the state and that's why she never filed with CPS. Keep in mind that judges hear abuse allegations all the time and unless there's a finding from CPS, they don't give them all that much weight.

[Kitty C.]

This 'LCSW' is also a mandatory reporter and if she hasn't made a report of abuse to CPS, it ain't gonna happen.  I think she's blowing smoke, personally.  And your daughter is paying the price for it.

I agree that it would not be a good idea to request your daughter to not see this so-called therapist, but what I WOULD ask for in court is permission to get a second opinion and state your reasons as to why.  Confer with your atty. about this as well.  I would think the biggest reason would be that if abuse actually DID occur, then why wasn't a report made to CPS, why wasn't it investigated.  

[mistoffolees]

Great points.

[notnew]

BTW - This therapist isn't being fooled by your ex. She's being paid. Be very careful of this one. Especially now that she told you in the beginning the child had no feelings of shame but now she's developing them. Sounds to me like the mom and therapist are creating an event that may have never happened.

I wouldn't be shocked to hear that the CP tries to limit or take away the time you now have with your child.

There are millions of therapists who deliver the professional opinion they are paid to give. They don't help children. They destroy them.

You have joint legal and that means you can get the child evaluated on your own should you and your lawyer feel is is necessary. I also know that the poor kid is with one therapist and the last thing you want to do is cart her off to another. It's something you and your attorney need to discuss and decide on when the time is right.

What sort of custody hearing is scheduled and why was the hearing initiated? Who filed for it?

I would try to move to get a new therapist that is recommended by a neutral party (like the court). Your basis for this could be that this therapists treatment has not helped the child in any way for the past year and there is no treatment plan in place. This way, you still show that the child's best interests are your main point of focus, but maybe you can get this therapist out of the picture without accusing CP and therapist of playing dirty.

Not a legal opinion - just my own.

[gemini3]

I filed for the custody hearing because I want primary physical.  There is a mile long list of reasons, mostly having to do with concern for the children's well being, frustrated access to school and medical records, denied visitation, etc.  

My biggest problem is that my ex is going to relay this story to any therapist we take the child to.  She told the same thing to my oldest daughter's therapist as well, and I had to answer to that when I had my first meeting with her.  I explained that nothing was ever reported or investigated, and my feelings on what happened.  She called CPS herself and they told her the same thing - yet she didn't see that as being a big deal.  It amazes me how many mental health professionals out there don't raise the red flag when they hear allegations of abuse that are never reported or substaniated in any way, yet brought up during custody battles.  

I will discuss this with my attorney and see what his suggestion is.  Thanks for the support.

[notnew]

I don't know if you'll be successful in getting custody transferred on those reasons alone. My experience in the courts with REAL reasons(much like yours)  to change custody are not good. I believe if the CP is mom, she can be a crack whore on the street and still retain custody. JMHO.

You said you had to go through the same thing with your older daughter? Different therapist?  You should be able to bring that other therapist in to testify to BM's behavior patterns. It sounds to me like she keeps trying the same tricks over and over. Showing this could reduce her credibility greatly.

BTW - how old is your oldest daughter?  If she is already an adult, she may be able to provide testimony as to what mom coerced her to say or do in the battle to keep you away.

Just a thought.

Therapy in these types of cases is in my opinion, a for profit venture not intended to help anything at all. My experience has been very disappointing. The first therapist my ex took my child to refused to see my child any longer after I pushed for my legal rights to be involved and BM and her lawyer started reporting things to the court that the therapist hadn't recommended or said. She never reported this to the courts (why she refused to see my child any longer). I think she was not willing to be a paid for opinon that was predetermined by the hostile parent.

I hope things work out for the best.

[gemini3]

The oldest is only 11 - not old enough to provide testimony.  She's a lot less impressionable than my youngest though - and not very manipulative.  She spoke up and said that it never happened.  I think the youngest realizes that she can manipulate her mom by catering to her in this way - so she plays along.  She's constantly "telling" on her mom to us, and vice-versa, trying to get a reaction.

I'd like to show a pattern of behavior, except that the therapists seem to be all to ready to believe these kinds of claims without any sort of substantiation.  I'm concerned that their testimony might hurt me instead of help me.

I don't trust therapists very much.  My fiance wanted us to go and see one because the whole custody battle has been really hard on her.  She called 10 different places before someone would agree to see us.  Apparently they kept saying that they didn't want to get in the middle of a custody issue because they didn't want to be called into court.  The one that finally did agree to it ended up chastising her for living with me "without the benefit of marriage", so we're back to square one.

I just want to get my daughter away from this doctor.  I think it's damaging to her.