what is my next move?

[raymi]

I am the father and I live in WI, the mother is in MN. There has never been an official declaration of custody. It is assumed, I assume. I do not have any 50/50 legal or physical. I pay child support regualrily and it is current and  I have a clear visitation schedule.

In the last month the mother has been evicted from her apartment and recently had her 2000 GMC Yukon reposesed. There is definet suspicion of drug abuse. She also works illegally as an "entertainer" have not been able to prove any of this to a court. I have been slowly rebuilding the parental friendship with my child's mother and my fiance and her are talking effectivly regarding my daughter's welfare. I am able to convice the mother to allow more visitation than ordered, I think she likes the break and is slowing getting over her control issues. I try to have my daughter with me as often as the mother will allow.

I would like to have full custody some day but after 3 1/4 years know about the chances of that without some major occurances taking place.

So this is what I am wondering about. The mother has recently allowed me to bring my daughter to my house indefinetly, I told her that until she got her stuff together I felt that my daughter would be better with me. She agreed! wow. I am arranging for child care due to both myself and my fiance working full time.

Question: How long would my daughter have to be in my care/living with me/ enrolled in preschool here before I could ask for a judgement of custody to myself?
I understand I would need to establish status quo. I remember seeing somewhere six months, but can less be adequate?

I just want everyone to know that my intention is not take my daughter away from her mother or use her irresponsibility against her. I want my daughter to be in the healthiest envoronment possible. I do not plan to seek $ for child support or daycare. I will be happy to co-create a visitition schedule that allows for plenty of parenting for the mother.

[mistoffolees]

Less than 6 months MIGHT be enough depending on the circumstances, but 6 months would be better - because then WI would have jurisdiction.

[janM]

Is the child support court ordered? If so, I assume paternity has been established. If not, and if you wait 6 months to file, you'll have to do that as well. You're right, mom has custody since you weren't married.

The daycare will be able to vouch for the fact that she has been living with you those 6 months. Same for doctors, etc. You may want to have mom sign and notarize a power of attorney for medical/daycare issues. It's not permanent, can be revoked at any time, but it shows residence and mom's willingness to allow it. I think it may be helpful to include a reference in the letter to your fatherhood, ie, "I give John Doe, baby's father, permission to seek medical care etc"...

Just keep things real friendly, as mom could come get her anytime.
Good luck.

[raymi]

Thanks for replying any other advice from others out there?

Yes, child support is court ordered and paternity has been established.

Could you be more specific as to what a letter would look like. I do want to cover all bases as this may finally be our families big break that many of us all pray. Thanks again.

[ocean]

If child support is ordered through court, you MUST go and change it or you will be liable for all this time. THe BM will win in court 6 months down the line if you do not change that part of the court order. You can change it to zero and not ask for her to pay but the courts usually will order something...
Good luck

[raymi]

I understand about being liable to pay support unless I get the order changed. For me at this point I don't mind continuing to pay support to the mother even if I have my daughter living with me. If I bring her back to court for the support change at this point she will surely "change her mind" and take our daughter back to live with her which I know she could do at anytime but I think it is worth it to try and see if we can make it six months.

Question: what do you mean "the BM will win in court 6 months down the line if you do not change that part of the court order"? Please be more specific. Win what?

Thanks again.

[janM]

Yes, but....mom still has legal custody. I don't see how they can just stop support without a change in custody. He still has to pay, until he can file in 6 months for change in jurisdiction and custody (and maybe support), unless they can come up with a "temporary custody" agreement now and file it, and even then it probably would need to be filed in mom's state.

[janM]

Look online, or ask at your courthouse, for a standard "Power of Attorney, Care and Custody of Child" (that refers to physical custody) or something like that.

We are fortunate here in Ohio (if you're a grandparent) to have a POA that is actually filed with the court that gives a grandparent the same rights as a parent (school, doctors, etc) except allowing adoption or marriage, but does not take those rights from the parent. It can, like any POA, be revoked at any time.

If you have something like that you can enroll the child in daycare and take him/her to the doctor. It's like a permission slip from mom. Some hospitals have a form the parent can fill out that allows you to have the child treated without the parent's permission in an emergency.

Like I said, it will be helpful if such a letter implies that the child is living with you until further notice, with mom's blessing. After the 6 months are up, it will be hard for mom to object to you having custody when she entrusted the child with you that long.