Having Their Cake and Eat it Too

[Brent]

Having Their Cake and Eat it Too

December 12 2003
by Pete Jensen

Yesterday, the lovely and demure Karen De Coster, a blogger at LewRockwell.com, wriggled into on her spiked leather jumpsuit and took at hatchet to her favorite piñata - men.

Karen De Coster seriously needs to clarify herself.  Failing this, I'd say she is in more dire need of a Midol than any woman in the western hemisphere, or at least a reality check.

Now, on the whole what I have learned is that whenever any woman starts talking about "Meninists" they generally mean "Holy Smokes!  The chickens are starting to come home to roost!  We need to break out the shaming language if we want to keep having our cake and eat it too!"  When my buddy Andy emailed me that Mike had posted a new link from Karen DeC. and I needed to read what she said, I was kind of wondering.   And at first glance it seems to deride the Leftist and Liberal "Mr. Moms" that most of us call names.

At second glance, I'm seriously wondering.  Karen refers to an article written for Men's News Daily by Dr. Marty Nemko, and heaps abuse and scorn on him, albeit indirectly. And the rest of her diatribe says to me "Shaming language.  Wants her cake and eat it too."

Of course, it starts off mocking such men, and none to gently, but then she contradicts herself.  In one breath she says that good old fashioned western conservative and traditional values built and maintained civilization.  Then she becomes hysterical.

By all means, Karen.  Find an Oriental man who will put up with an American Woman.  American men have long ceased to have patience with her.  Maybe they can be fooled for a generation or so.  I doubt it.  Our eastern brothers are way too savvy, I've observed.

Now, on the whole (And here I insert the usual obligatory disclaimers that yes indeed, there are women who fit this mold to a lesser degree or not at all, lest the nitpicky whiney-babies inundate me with the usual nonsense, but ON THE WHOLE) the American Woman is a spoiled brat.  She's an egotistical, prissy, self-centered and immature princess who is used to getting her own way.  And this is being kind.  To be unkind, I'd say she's a loudmouthed, shrill and miserable harpy.  Men don't die earlier because they stress into coronaries.  Men die earlier because they yearn for the peaceful embrace of death.

Karen seems to bemoan the fact that the old days, where men were men, are gone.  Don't fret.  Where you find engineering feats, heroism, innovation, dirty, dangerous and thankless jobs that get paid squat, the trains running on time, efficiency and people slaving away from before sunup until after sundown, you'll find the good, old fashioned Man's Man there.  What you'll also find missing in droves is women.

Men are still doing all those things. They are just sick and tired of doing it for women, and indeed, are telling many women to make their own damn cake if they want any.  And this is what is getting women like Karen's knickers all tangled up.

Fact is, it isn't men that broke this covenant of ancient making.  It was done so, and done damn unilaterally, by women.  They didn't want to be sheltered, pampered, protected and given the easy jobs.  They wanted equality.  Well, they have it.  And all the responsibility that comes with the perceived "privilege."  And now that they see it isn't all it was beer and skittles, they want a choice – but of course, men shouldn't have this choice.  It should be handed, unearned and on a silver platter, to women because...

Um...

Well, because they're women and deserve it, so THERE! (Insert stomp of dainty little foot.)

Unh-uh, honey, it don't work that way.  You all let that genii out of the bottle fifty or so years ago, and now she's hanging around like a lazy mother-in-law who won't get a job, eating bon-bons all day.  Could those halcyon days of yore return?  Possibly.  I'm no seer.  Isn't a damn thing men can do to return it – it's up to women to give back some ill-gotten gains if they want to see it happen.  Have your cake.  Or eat it.  Pick one.

Far be it from me to belabor the obvious and give a fundamental lesson in economics, but when you have a job market flooded with potential employees, the value of labor goes down.  Ladies, you're not our helpmeets anymore.  You're not our companions, our friends, our partners.  You're our competition, and you're competitors that demand a handicap.

Sad fact of the matter is that a single earner household in the lower middle class is an impossibility these days.  Minimum wage jobs get you, what?  A hair above 12 grand?  Yeah.  Pay rent, insurance, utilities, a car payment on that.  Can't be done.  I live a spartan lifestyle, and twelve grand would not even begin to cover it.  Women in such relationships HAVE to work.  Brave new world.  Thank Betty Friedan.  But don't blame men.

Now, equal pay for equal work?  I'm indifferent.  I'm a man who believes in being philosophically consistent.  You want equal pay, get to it.  When I have to lift your load because you're too weak, or afraid you'll chip a nail, or can't show up on time if at all because junior has a cold, you ain't doing equal work.  And I don't give a fat rat's arse how important YOUR kids are.  It doesn't confront me none, as the great George Thorogood says.  I'm supporting MY kids.  Carry your own weight, madam.  Far too many women treat a job as something where attendance and performance is optional, yet they are first in line to complain about sexism, about not having daycare provided for them by a factory, not having rooms for nursing their kids, nap times, masseuses coming in, and all manner of pampering and catering to their wants.  All this costs money, but I'll be dipped if I can find many woman willing to be honest enough to concede that such money spent for the convenience of women shouldn't be taken from the pockets of men.  But, they want their cake and eat it too, and to have a man pick up the check for it.

If women want to compete with men for jobs, it is right, fair, and just that they get under the load and shoulder it equally.  We have words for men who won't do their share – slacker, deadweight, goldbrick, and useless to name a few.  I wonder how many women would shrug their shoulders with a "Gee, that's okay!" if some employer said to them, "I'm going to give this job/promotion/raise to this MAN over here, because he has the responsibility of a family to support."  Hell, if I did that here in Indiana, the howl of outrage would make people in Des Moines think a siren had gone off and a tornado was coming.

Karen seems to forget that the social contract is a two-way street.  Many of us might talk to our grandmothers, and great grandmothers and ask them what their end of the deal was, and you might find out that it's women who have fallen down on the job.  The so called "privileges" that men used to have were a means to live up to their responsibilities as the breadwinner for the family.  Responsibilities, I might add, that were enshrined in law with criminal penalties for the lazy and shiftless.  We still have those responsibilities, though.  And still enforced with the barrel of a gun.

We had the government step in and muddy the waters, blurring the line between the social and the legal with the force of law.  Government has become the new man in women's lives, with the fast car, the bag of groceries, the free money, and the slicked back hair.  Like anything new, though, sooner or later he gets old.  He's not sexually fulfilling.  He doesn't stay the night, and cuddle, and keep them warm.  He doesn't buy flowers, or leave notes on the kitchen table.  Too late have those who bought the feminist bill of goods discovered that where government is the answer, a stupid question has been asked.

Sure, women want their husbands back, but hubby has moved on.  He can get the proverbial milk for free from some sweet thang who just wants a quick hook-up.  He doesn't have feminine hygine products cluttering up his john, or someone bitching about him not putting his socks directly in the hamper.  Wife?  For what?  So he can work all day and come home and do "his half" of the housework?  I got news – we men found out housework IS an easy job.  We just need to find the time to train a chimp to do it.

A lot of older guys have found that they want women for only one thing, mainly because that is all they have to offer these days.  Wives and family for many men, who have already seen their children taken away once, is too risky.  We have our family.  We write it a check every week, and see them on weekends if Mom is feeling generous. Raise your own with some other sucker.  You've got your new boyfriend in the form of the Welfare State.  Of course, somehow the fact that women have made themselves less desirable and valuable as marriage material is somehow the fault of men who won't let women have their cake and eat it too.

This brings us full circle to the real focus of such ire and attempts to shame is those men who have tired of playing fair, tired of hoping she'd come around, tired of enduring the double standard because it's "The Right Thing To Do" when they get no credit beyond lip service for their work.  They've started to say, "Want to drink that cup of equality?  You're not going to just drink the whipped cream off the top.  Down to the bitter dregs."  Women in combat.  Women in dangerous jobs.  Women paying child support and being thrown in jail.  Mothers on Death Row.  You've come a long way, baby.  

Was it worth it?  Some women are saying it wasn't.  Let's see if there's any action to go along with these words, or if it's just another trick to get men to carry their load, and them claim half the credit.  My cynical and misanthropic self is betting the latter, but that's mainly because I see such rhetoric as being long on the traditional roles and obligations of men, and notably silent on those of women.

Having their cake and eat it too.  More like demanding ice cream for good measure.

Pete Jensen

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Pete Jensen is a Computer Engineer and Curmudgeon who lives in the wilds of Southern Indiana. He enjoys satirizing political correctness, and mocking its advocates. If you'd care to write him and talk reasonably he welcomes it. If you'd care to write him and froth at the mouth ideologically, he welcomes that too. You'll be grist for the mill, and know in advance he doesn't regard any such diatribes as privileged communication. That's right, you too can wind up lampooned by his searing wit and insightful barbs in front of millions on the internet."

[Indigo Mom]

And that, Mr. B...be de facts!  

We're made different for a fricken reason.  If we were meant to be on the same level as the opposite sex, we'd ALL sport "enter sex organ here".  

We're different.  And that's ok with me.  Men and women are like night and day, yin and yang.  No "words" are going to bring us together as one.  No "actions" are going to bridge our worlds.  We're different...and that is what everyone needs to understand.  

I, Brent, am the weaker sex.  Yes, I said it.  I am weaker than you!  It's something I've had to deal with all my life...and tis ok!  I don't give a shit that I'm weaker than you, would make less money than you, couldn't tolerate the freezing temperatures like you.  (when you give me your coat in freezing temperatures, cause ya know you would!) I'm not meant to!  Woman is not meant to live a mans life, nor is man meant to live a womans life.  

If people would just understand how it REALLY is...I think things would be ok.  I'm fine with my life, hubs fine with his.  I couldn't live his, he couldn't live mine.  Those are the facts, IMO....

And to go further into this...no way in HELL could I get up everyday, drive in freezing temperatures, climb up and down 30 foot extention ladders all day long while holding a gallon (or 5)of paint, rolling and brushing custom home after custom home.  I couldn't tolerate the stench of lacqur (hell, i can't even spell the friggin thing), I couldn't stain 500 feet of woodwork. I can't even use a caulk gun or do a perfect line of the shit. I'd have dropped dead LONG ago.  I am incapable of doing what my husband does.  Could I learn this?  Sure...but I could NOT do it like he does. No fuckin way, dude.    And he easily admits that my life sucks!  LOL...see, we know we're different, do different things, think different thoughts...and we DEAL with it.  I do this, he does that, we both get "it".  (and no, i'm not talking sex)  I've tried his job, he's tried mine.  At the end of the day, we both said "fuck that shit...i'm going back to my life".  

I personally don't want to be "like" a man anymore than you would want to be "like" a woman.  We "compliment" each other, we "fit" like a glove...but that's about it.  

Bottom line?  You create, I decorate.  You bring home the bacon, I fry it so it looks like a smiley face with the eggs.  I bake the cake...and give you the biggest piece.  We do these things not because we "want" to..but because there's something so deeply ingrained in our bodies, minds, dna, whatever.... that TELLS us this is "our" place.

[StPaulieGirl]

And to go further into this...no way in HELL could I get up everyday, drive in freezing temperatures, climb up and down 30 foot extention ladders all day long while holding a gallon (or 5)of paint, rolling and brushing custom home after custom home. I couldn't tolerate the stench of lacqur (hell, i can't even spell the friggin thing), I couldn't stain 500 feet of woodwork. I can't even use a caulk gun or do a perfect line of the shit. I'd have dropped dead LONG ago. I am incapable of doing what my husband does. Could I learn this? Sure...but I could NOT do it like he does. No fuckin way, dude. And he easily admits that my life sucks! LOL...see, we know we're different, do different things, think different thoughts...and we DEAL with it. I do this, he does that, we both get "it". (and no, i'm not talking sex) I've tried his job, he's tried mine. At the end of the day, we both said "fuck that shit...i'm going back to my life".

[p]My best friend from HS offered me a job with her and her dad's business.  They remove bee and wasp nests from homes and businesses.  I went with her on an emergency job, and got cold sweaty palms watching her slip and slide over a tile roof.  The bugs didn't bother me, but all I could think of was falling off the roof with no health insurance.  It's not an incorporated business, if you know what I mean.  My friend has never had kids, and has a health club membership.  My back and neck, on the other hand aren't doing so great.  I could have made a lot of money, but what happens to the kids if I fall off the roof and break my back?  I'm just not built for it.  I hate climbing ladders.  I had to climb up the other day to see what was going on on the flat addition roof.  Looking for a missing pack of cigarettes.  The climb down was scary.  

[p]I learned to do a lot of drywall work while I was married.  Trial and error.  But eventually, I got tired of being the one patching all the holes. I helped my dad when I was a kid, passing him tools and whatnot.  I loved hanging out with my dad, but then I was sent into the house to do housework.  there's nothing wrong with being self sufficient; heck the best chefs are men ;-)

[p]Seriously, I'd rather do the laundry and cook than do that crap.  With computers and the internet, you can possibly work and stay home.  It's hard to do both and do either job well, when you work outside the home, especially with kids.  

[p]wish I had thought to copy and paste the article.  There were a couple of more points that I thought were good.

[p]Bottom line?  Imo, Men and women are designed to fit together as a team.  Men and women have their own unique roles.  Don't mess with Mother Nature, ladies.  Does anyone have the courage to stand up and say that in the national media????