Has anyone done Communication Counseling w/ their EX?

[Tiresias]

Ladybug3
 Hi, new to this board, trying desp. for support and understanding. Glad I found a board directed right at NCM's. TY!!
  To make a real long story short, please look at my profile, I have the basics in there about my case, but I could go on and on (but my fingers would get tired) now my contempt of court is in abayance (sp?) until Dec. till we try this communication counseling thing out.  There has been alot of PAS going on on the SM's part and the BF is ignoring it. Please believe me when I tell you that I do not say this lightly, I have done my research, spoken with my own thearapist and have done alot of reflecting before my own attorney would even bring this up in court. (I think I have the only honest attorney there is in Pennsylvania. lol)  My fear is, is that we have gone before a psychiatrist in the past, and they were not honest, and they were believed, they have my daughter lying for them, or at least she thinks its the truth. she is 9. I dont know what to do anymore, I cant stand to just sit back and watch what my daughter has to endure while I am legally unable to do nothing, thats the worst feeling in the world!!  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

[Butterfly]

with my daughter's stepmother however my experience with this is that taking legal recourse with BF/SM is only going to aggravate the problem unless you can prove (and win) they are emotionally abusing your daughter.  

Have you tried developing a better relationship with SM?  It's a hard pill to swallow but I have found that if I show empathy and kindness towards SM (oftentimes in cases like ours not deserved but worth the effort anyway) she may soften and work with, not against, you.

Trust me, if I can do it...you have a good chance of it working for you.  It's FAR better than running to court over every issue with BF/SM...court only makes it worse, IMHO.

[Tiresias]

Ladybug3
  Yes, I've tried, I was the one that had asked for the therapy BEFORE it was court ordered. their response was, and I quote, " Hell no."  As far as i can rem. i've done nothing to make them angry at me. I've even asked at one point... "If I did something to upset you, please let me know so I can make amends." the response was...  "I dont want to talk about it."  and i feel, every time i try to be nice about something, they just shove another knife in my back. just for example...
  my daughter did have my last name when she went to live with them, and a couple of years later, they brought the subject up of changing her name to his. i agreed. then they went and did it WITHOUT my consent on the legal papers or of my knowledge of it at that time.  they hinted to the judge that they didnt know of my whereabouts so the judge told them theyhad to  put it in the paper for 2 weeks as if they didnt know where i was so they didnt need my signature. thats just a small tidbit of what they do all of the time.  I feel as though they get a kick out of mind F*%#@ing me.  This isnt the way a child should be brought up in a extended family. Its not as though he was married to her when my daughter was born, he didnt even know her then.  I think (not because of a lack of me trying) that making nicey with them isnt going to work.  i would still like to have my original questions answered if anyone has gone through this...  ?

[MixedBag]

I have tried or offered to attend joint counselling focusing on our son with my EX too.

Even went to see the counselor first myself about the whole idea.

He told me that IF my EX wasn't willing, then there was no use in even pursuing anything....both sides must be willing to work things out.  Mine isn't at all.

Seems as if yours isn't either from what I've read.

My EX's excuse is that alls I do is lie, lie, lie.....and sorry, but I can prove every "lie" that I tell.  Problem is that the court's rules for submitting evidence is a whole different can of worms.

You gotta take your situation one day at a time and look for stuff to support your side that can't be refuted -- hard copies of whatever to support you that you can show your daughter the truth.

We collect everything I can get my hands on and it really helps.  At the age of 9, she's a bit young to understand a lot, but she's old enough to know right from wrong.

Get her thinking about what she believes is the truth.....getting her to come to her own conclusions is powerful.