My daughter lost custody

[olanna]

She can't possibly take care of anyone else until she learns how to take care of herself.  She should work very hard on getting her act together, so she actually can parent and have something to offer her daughter in the form of stability.

I wish her all the best.

[notthemama]

Your daughter definitely should get her life on track.  Regardless of where the child "wants" to live, it is obviously better for her to live with her father due to the mother's drug use.  She too will get use to living with him and in a few months and will adjust just fine.  As for the girlfriend, be happy that she is willing to embrace the child and treat her with [i]motherly[/i] love.

And no matter how you may disagree with the father, be as kind to him as possible and avoid arguments.  It will be hard.

Before she is able to persue the court for additional visitation (after AA), she should continue to try her best to maintain contact with the child.  Visits should be scheduled and she should be responsible and not cancel any visits.  As for the distance from IL to TN, it is a burden of travel that she will have to bear if she wants to maintain contact with her daughter.  During the time that she living with you, she should be able to work and save most of her money to fund the trips.  Most of us have to give a lot just to get a little.

[Forthelittleones]

Your daughter really needs to try and see her daughter as much as possible.  Christmas is a long time away. Will She be in therapy that whole time?

[MixedBag]

You've received some wonderful advice so far -- put it all together and you'll have a great plan of action to help guide your daughter back into her child's life.

IL to TN is not THAT far when you set your priorities straight and try.

There are parents on this site (mothers and fathers) who also deal with long distances.... I myself have a son who lives 750 miles away from me, so driving from IL to TN seems to be a "piece of cake" when compared to my one-way 12 hour drive once a month.

Olanna dealt with it across country practially from coast to coast.

Actually -- your daughter could get a job M-F and still drive to TN, see her daughter on Sat or Sun, and drive back.....it can physically be done.

THEN work to get her situation improved.