Is there any hope for me?

[anglemama]

I absolutely defend every shred of advice that I gave to you.  I work with FAR too many child sexual assault cases to believe that the DA's office got involved in this case based purely on a controlling demended father.  In fact, I staunchly believe that when abuse is happening in a situation where the families are not intact that it is SO much harder for children to be protected.  The parent trying to protect their child from abuse must first climb the 'its just a custody' mountain.  There is absolutely no way that CPS, would have made that determination, and that the DA's office got involved unless there was more to it then a dad being vindictive.  No way, no how.  


Your boyfriend failed a lie detector test.  I don't care who you are..my hubby, my brother..my whatever...if my kid says that you touched him, and you fail a lie detector...see ya later.  No person in the entire world is worth putting my child at risk, no matter HOW much I love them (ie. don't want to believe that its true).


I've seen sexually abused children cry in my office because based on the abuse from boyfriends mother, and their mother continuing to defend her boyfriend..the child was placed in foster care.   And the child misses her home, and misses her mother..and doesn't get the enormity of the situation.  I've had kids tell me that the prefered to be abused rather then endure a seperation from their mom.  Because they want to return to their mother's care..does that mean that they weren't abused..absolutely not.  

I have sympathy for those that are wrongly accused..does it happen.  Sure.  I've seen it first hand and the child in the case, along with the accused are horrible victims.  Its a terrible thing, and I've seen it first hand.  However, based on the nonsense written in this post I highly doubt that this is one of them.

Child molesters are very manipulative charming people.  How else could they do what they do.  They are 'likable' people by definition.  Which is why they are so good at getting away with this kind of crap.  

[backwardsbike]

Because I'm apsychiatric nurse, have been for 25 years, and know a few technical hthings about how polygraphs work. Why do you think they aren't admissible in court?

Very few people can be lying and not be found out.  Sociopaths for instance.  Let's say ted bundy killed a woman but lied adn said he didn't.  Maybe he could pass the test if he din't feel what he did was wrong or was really good at controlling physiological signs of stress- think someone really into yoga.  But if he didn't actaully kill her and was worried thinking he was gonna go to the chair for somehting he didn't do- reasonable, right?  He could fail the test because of his physiological signs of stress.

The machine only measures one's physiological signs.  Yes, they change when lying- if lying is stressful.  But its the stress that causes the reaction.  And I can only imagine how stressed her fiance was- he'smilitary- can you say "Jail time, end of career, megan's law website, never any security clearances...."?  If one was a sociaopath and lying wasn't stressful then one would pass the test- even when guilty.

I knwo polygraphs are really dramatic- but understand the test.  I know you from this site and I know that you saw Soc advise taking one if you were accused of abuse.  But the valaue of the test was only IF you passed adn then the other party REFUSED to take cone.  The really clincher is the refusal of the other party to take the test.

[backwardsbike]

I doubt that you are very familiar with alienation tactics.  I am and I wish it were only thru my professional work.  But this is thru my own life.

Ileft my husband and met and married a man with a mental illness.  My husband has biploar disorder and is a recovering alcoholic.  My X had no problem with the kids spending 50 % of overnights in our home as long as I lived just two miles from him.  He stalked me.  The lawyer said- Oh, we don't wanna tick off the judge- everyoe in divorces has to go thru this nonsense, it will get better after you settle the property.  But X was in the house and didn't want to settle anything.  he was in the cat bird seat.  But he liked having me and my husband under his thumb and he liked being able to call the shots and use me as his babysitter when it suited him and to dictate my time with the kids.  SO it went on this way for two years.

Then the property HAD to be stteld.  X didn't like the way it turned out.  He also moved his GF into the house and she was fired from her job.  He needed to keep her occupied and suddenly I wasn't a good person to do the day care anymore.  He didn't like the fact that my Dh and I had only one car and my Dh worked til 9PM and the kids had to come with me to pick up Dh from work.  They were by this time 8 and 10, were doing fine in school no problems.  But X kept picking, causing problems, fooling with the schedule.  He sent people to my Dh's work to spead rumors about him.  Sent his wife to spy on DH at work.  My Dh became more anxious, he began to walk off his job due to anxiety attacks so severe he had to get away from everyone.  X used this in court to say we were unstable.  A custody eval was ordered when X threatened me at a custody exchange.

His lawyer was allowed to pick the evalautor and they of course won.  The report was so biased that I had to have a psych eval just to prove tot he judge that I am mentally competent.  My husband became disabled due to the stress.

After X got custody the problems only got worse.  More spying using the kids to gain info about financials at my house Dh's medical history, habits.  There was a period of time Dh had to be off the property when they kids were here.  It was to last 90 days and was put in place during the custody eval by the crooked evalautor.  It lasted 18 months because X wouldn't drop it.  Then when it was finally lifted- I had eye witnesses to say DH was fine to be around the kids and a boat load of professionals who worked with our family saying we were all fine- the new order read that DH had to have an adult supervisor with him when I wasn't home and he was with the NCkids for more than an hour.  Now he was doing all the daycare for our own two kids and no one cared but the NC kids had to have a supervisor when they were here.  I paid a dollar an hour more for the supervisor that I made at work.  Finally the judge ordered Dh evalauted.  he was found to be perfectly capable of wathcing the kids- all of them when I wasn't home.

X really ramped up the alineation tactics.  Within a year the kids were making false accusations against me adn Dh.  They found a beer bottle in Dh's closet, not true but they didn'thave to prove it.  They claimed I favored the younger kids over them, again not ture but how do you rpove it?  We were in and out of court on these thngs for three years.  My Dh's condition got worse.  he had psychiatric hosptial admissions- hell- who wouldn't he was still the center piece of all the lies.  My NCkids began smuggling documents out of my house. They hacked our computer system for their dad, they stole Dh's medical records, they recorded the names of his meds, they stole financial information about us from our homes- checking account numbers, credit cards. They planted beer in my car and blamed Dh for driving drunk. he was admitted to the hospital again.  We went thru two false CYS reports, investgated both times.  had a secod custody eval- kids lied adn evalautor documented it but said they still belonged with dad because they were used to his home adn it was "more stable"  No doubt- nobody there was goin into the mental hospital but why was my Dh ill?  Why did he require hospitalization?

My children are no longer visiting in my home.  They do not return my phone calls. On Mother's Day they called me- the first time they ever did so when the hoilday fell on time they weren't with me.  When I retured thier call they were rude to me on the phone and very cold.

I "chose" my husband and two younger kids over my NC kids.  I should not have had to make that choice.  The GAL in our case is biased against me because she feels I should put my Dh out of my home and life and take the NC kids back into my home.  The only thing that hasn't been alleged yet is sexual abuse- I'm not about to let that one happen.  They know where I am, they can call and I'll meet them at McDonalds if they want to see me.  But it doesn'tlook like that will be an issue becasue when they found out that Dh was staying in the home and they were the ones on the outside looking in this time they stopped returning my calls.

My Dh was supposed to be the reason they didn't like coming here.  But once I removed him from the equation they would no longer speak to me.  They used thier "fear" of him to "prove" that this wasn't aleintation.  But with him gone it looks exactly like what it is.  My NC kids are 14.5 adn 18 and both have admittd that they have lied to the judge, evalautors an counsleors adn therapists.  My DS says he would continue to "say whatever dad told me to say".  I am sure if that included a tale of sexual abuse he would do it as would my 14.5 year old DD.

Sometimes a cigar just ain't a cigar.  In my case I was unwilling to allow my younger kids to go without a great dad to appease a jealous, spiteful X who will never be content as long as I am alive.  Oh, and as for the DA getting involved in Liz's case- Didn't you hear about the case agaist the Duke Lacrosse players?  The DA chose to get involved in that one too and look what happened.  Its a good thing those boy's families had the money to hire high powered lawyers to protect thier children.  SOmething tells me Liz isn't in the same financial ball park.

Liz- hang in there. Listen to your gut.  And seeks upport when youneed it but perhaps don't confuse support with "advice".  

[olanna]

"Ileft my husband and met and married a man with a mental illness. My husband has biploar disorder and is a recovering alcoholic."

Why?  I really wonder about someone that would call what she is giving as "support" and blowing everyone else off just because the support comes as quite different.  And when you lead in with the fact that you met and married a mentally ill man with an addiction problem, well, I for one would be very, very cautious a at taking your so called support or advice. I don't think it shows really sound judgement to get involved with someone with all those troubles.

Isn't just being divorced enough trouble in itself?