fighting for custody

[AAJsMommy]

I have a set of twins that are 5. I lost custody of them two years ago to my ex, for not completely following my court order for visitation. (I didn't understand it all)

In July the judge ordered that I have four, four hour weekend supervised visits, One overnight unsupervised visit up there, and then come to my home for two weeks. I am responsible for half of the supervisor fees

They all live in another state, and my income isn't the best. I have attempted three times to do my first supervised visit, only to be denied by their father. I have to give 14 days notice, and I have always done more notice, and made it so I can afford everything. He keeps telling me those dates won't work for him. It cleary states in the order that he is to be flexible.

I dont know what to do anymore. I haven't seen them in 9 months, and its causing me great depression. I was finally able to afford an attorney, but she keeps telling me that we just need to keep letting him screw up, and after enough times, we will take it back to court. How many is enough?!

Here's the worst part. He still lives with his mom, and she is the one that takes care of him and the children. He has made it clear via myspace and a letter to the judge when they were born that he didnt want them. His mom takes them to school, helps them, takes them to appointments, and all that stuff. She even buys everything they need and want. I dont get why the judge doesnt see all this, everybody else does.

Anyways, anybody have any suggestions about any of this for me. I think it will help to talk to mom's in similar situations, and get ideas. Im going nuts, and have hit a stage of severe depression.

[tigger]

My only suggestion is to do whatever you have to get out of the depression.  That will only make things worse.  I know it's hard but you need to make sure you take care of yourself -- mentally, emotionally and physically so you'll be well and can make decisions on how to get them back and then take care of them. 

A lot depends on what is meant by not following the court order for visitation.  Usually that means you refused access to the kids and refused to work with the father. 

[MothersGetARawDealToo]

Can you get back in court to request specified visitation dates and bring copies of emails or letters from him not allowing you to visit?  Your kids need you!  There has to be something you can do.  Good luck

[AAJsMommy]

I wasn't refusing to allow him visits. We weren't able to agree on any visits, so nothing would get set, and so he wouldn't get to see them as often. Yes, it came down on me, even though he wasn't willing to comprimise.

I also feel that the justice system has a lot to do with money. He makes 3 times as much as me easy. He also lives with his parents and has no bills.

My attorney wants to wait until we have a good paper trail built up via emails to take to court of his denials.

This last week, I found a non-profit program to help me out with the visits. We are each billed our half, and they make all the contacts and attempts with him. So, if he refuses, they can show it to the judge on their half too. I have put in my dates, and now I just have to wait and see what he says.

It's a hard game of waiting. It's my children that I am missing something about everyday. The other day they were spelling words to me on the phone. It made me almost cry. It's hard, and I just try to keep my chin up.

[Sherry1]

I have a set of twins that are 5. I lost custody of them two years ago to my ex, for not completely following my court order for visitation. (I didn't understand it all)
You did not follow the court order, my guess is that you were withholding visitation or making it difficult for your ex to see the kids. A judge will not reverse custody based upon one incident, there had to be a pattern of contempt of court for a judge to reverse custody.
In July the judge ordered that I have four, four hour weekend supervised visits, One overnight unsupervised visit up there, and then come to my home for two weeks. I am responsible for half of the supervisor fees
Why were you given supervised visitation?  It seems that there is something missing that you are not telling us.  Had a judge reversed custody you would have been given standard vistation not supervised.  Is there more to this story?  The best way for us to give you helpful advice is for you to tell us everything, not just bits and pieces.
They all live in another state, and my income isn't the best.
Since your income already isn't the best and based upon the ages of the kids, I would pack up and move to the same city that my kids live in, and do whatever I could money wise and take back control of seeing my kids.

I dont know what to do anymore. I haven't seen them in 9 months, and its causing me great depression. I was finally able to afford an attorney, but she keeps telling me that we just need to keep letting him screw up, and after enough times, we will take it back to court. How many is enough?!
In order to take this back to court, there has to be a documented history of him breaking the court order.  Your attorney is right.
Here's the worst part. He still lives with his mom, and she is the one that takes care of him and the children.
Since you have supervised visitation, I am assuming he has sole custody.  Him living with his mom has absolutely nothing to do with this.

He has made it clear via myspace and a letter to the judge when they were born that he didnt want them.
This was 5 years ago. 

His mom takes them to school, helps them, takes them to appointments, and all that stuff. She even buys everything they need and want.
Grandma is doting on her children.

I dont get why the judge doesnt see all this, everybody else does.
You haven't been to court, so the judge hasn't seen your evidence yet.
What are the terms of your custody order.  Do you have supervised visits forever or is there a phasing plan where after supervised you get them on a certain basis.  Are you paying child support?