child support

[buckaroolippy]

Hello,
I am a divorced non-custodial mother.  I have been divorced since 1989 and the divorce was finalized in Alabama right after returning from Germany where my husband was stationed.  I moved to Kansas where we lived prior to moving to Germany to finish my nursing degree and wanted to be near family for support as I had custody of our three children.  In 1996 I remarried and I quit working as a nurse to stay home with the children.  I had the jurisdiction of the children moved from Alabama to Kansas in 1997.  In 1998 my two oldest sons moved to Florida to live with their dad who suddenly wanted them.  In 1999 my youngest son wanted to move to Florida.  In 2000 my exhusband sued for child support even though he still owes me over 5,000 dollars in unpaid child support and I paid a retainer for an attorney to have the matter decided in court.  My exhusband claims to be disabled and is on disability from the military. However, he paid cash for a 161,700 dollar home and does apply for jobs. He also sends post cards from resorts he vacations at and I hear that he is living off his inheritance from his parents who recently inherited millions of dollars. His attorney is representing him pro bono.  Between the two attorneys, the case never was settled and my retainer disappeared in chatter back and forth while the case was continually rescheduled. I didn't pursue it anymore as I was expecting my second child with my current husband at any time and didn't want any more stress.  The day before Christmas of 2003 I received a certified letter from my exhusband that I was being sued again for support and back child support.  Yet, I have never fought going to court about this and not had an attorney contact me with the law suit.  My situation is this now: The children between my exhusband and myself are 19, 17, and 16 years old. I have three children with my current husband, ages 6 years, 3 years, and 4 months. I have not had a nursing licence since Dec. 1996 and only quit work at that time to take care of the children between my exhusband and me.  I now live in Missouri after my husband was laid off in Kansas last year and we had to relocate for his employment.  I voluntarily started paying 250.00 dollars to my exhusband in February of this year which is the amount my attorney said I would most likely be ordered to pay back in the year 2000 and that was based on having one child at home. Now I have three children at home.  I have not claimed any of my older children for taxes and still will not claim them even though I am willing to pay child support.  The problem I have now is knowing how much I should pay for child support.  My prior attorney has not contacted me since I have been calling her office since Christmas time of last year and since she and my exhusbands attorney have not settled this matter in three years I am not confident it will ever be resolved.  This matter is important to me as my children call me a hypocrite and I am blocked from talking to them and seeing them because of this issue.  Upon reading the research on this it would seem my exhusband has the "malicious mother syndrome."   I have not seen one son since Christmas break 2001 and the other two since the summer of 2001.  It all seems to be tied into money right now.  And since they are older teenagers they have the right to deny visiting me.  At least I want to clear my name with them by supporting them, but also, I realize that if I do send money without a court order the money is only considered a gift to them and not counted towards child support.  If I know what the law would say I should pay for the children, then I can offer that to the children's dad and ask him to sign a form that he agrees the money is to be considered child support.  Does anyone know what I should offer?  Thanks so much.  

[Indigo Mom]

I"m not positive, but I have a feeling you're going to be jabbed with "instant arrears".  He filed for the first time in 2000?  Well...I believe it will go back to that date.

So, what you should do, is calculate everything.  There's child support calculators on the net for each state.  I recently did this for sh*ts 'n grins.  I typed into my search bar "Colorado Child Support Calculator".  So, do that for your state.  (or whatever state your ex filed in) Enter all correct info into it, then I'd add an additional 50 - 100 per month on top of that just to be safe.  Then, begin depositing that amount into a bank account each month so when you "do" get slapped with arrears, you'll be able to pay some of it off.  

Interest.  With arrears comes interest.  I heard once that interest will add another 1k per year to the arrears, (and that's a low amount...depending on what you "owe" your interest could be much higher) making "catching up" a nightmare.  Because...not only will your child support be X amount each month...but X amount will be added for arrears and interest.  

One more thing...when you find out what your "arrears" are...he owes $5k in CS.  If your arrears are, say....$3k, you won't have to pay until your monthly cs wipes out the other $2k.  He won't "owe" anything to you during this time, as your monthly payments will be scraping away at his arrears.  

Since both you and he are unemployed, you can either impute minimum wage for both of you...but chances are, he'll successfully imput what you are "capable" of making...you were a nurse.  What is "he" capable of making?  I'd figure that out, if I were you.  What did he make when you two were together?

Oh...stop giving your ex $250 per month.  Stop that NOW.  I'm not telling you to forget about supporting your children, I'm telling you to put that into a bank account instead because even though you send it?  It IS a gift, and you'll end up owing again for that month.  




***Everyone gets burned. You can't go through life and not be burned. Some fires destroy us and some fires refine us. - rich mullins***