We need help!!

[ardeth7557]

Hi,

this is my first post here. We have a major problem and I have no idea what to do and what our options are (if any). I would like to appologize up front because I will vent here a little bit. ;(
Here it is:

I am married to a wonderful man. He is divorced twice and has two children. We had some major issues and went seperate ways for a short while. He had an affair during that time. We decided not to have a divorce but to see if we can fix our marriage. I am glad we tried and we are very happy. Ok... that was the nice part. Now it is getting ugly.
That "woman" he had an affair with claimed back than (2002) that she is pregnant. She also told him that she had a abortion about 6 months before she met him. She knew from the start that he will not stay with her and that it was only a physical relationship. She also knew that he pays a lot of child support each month. Well, she started freaking out. She assaulted my husband several times (tried to push him through a window, cut him with a knife, bit him and ran into his car with her own). In addition to that she said that she would "do something to me" should I ever show up. She blackmailed him also. It started with "I will call the cops and tell them you raped me" and went all the way to "I will call your commander and tell him about us". Yes, my husband is in the military. All this might not sound horrible but it was. This woman is crazy. She used to be on prozak and it wouldn't surprise me if she still is. She was violant and had no control about herself. "Fatal Attraction" - that's how it was.
After she hit my husband's car and everything went to the MPs, both of them got a direct order from their commanders to stay away from each other and to avoid any type of contact. We were so glad about that. I have no idea what else would have happend without that order. But... she wrote me emails. Anyways... it was a very stressful time.
We THOUGHT this is all over because we never heard a thing again. All we knew was that she left the military and moved to California.
That was until 2 weeks ago. My husband got a letter in the mail that she filed for child support (end of 2003) and that a court date was set. We just moved and he got the letter 3 days before the court date. My husband called the court house in TX to tell them that he moved to a different state and that it is not possible for him to be there on time. They said that wouldn't matter, because that court thing was only set to figure out where he lives (that's basically what they said). They would send everything back to CA because he is not in TX anymore.
Can someone give us some advice on what we can do? We pay $1700 in CS each month. That is more than 50% of his income. We don't have the money to get the CS adjusted. We cannot afford paying more. And of course we don't have the money for a lawyer. That is a thing the crazy lady knew. She knows we cannot afford a paternity test. We don't even know for sure if the child is my husband's.
My husband is one of the good guys who pays CS on time - all the time. He would pay even more, but he can't afford it.
Can she just walz back into our live - after all the stuff she already did to us - and try to hurt us even more? We just started trying to have our own child. I might be pregnant right now.
Thanks.

[KAT]

Well HE certainly knows what is going to happen,he's been thru this 2 times already!!! They are going to order child support against him. If he can't afford a paternity test they aren't going to care & assume the child is his. So unless he wants to potentially support another mans child for the next 18 years he needs to find a way to pay for it (if it turns out not to be his, it's likely she'll have to pay for it!). Under Federal Garnishment laws they can only take 50% (55 if in arrears) if married...HOWEVER this does not stop the judge from ordering more & making him responsible for it...this is why he needs a good lawyer. It is possible that because he is already paying 50% that she won't get anything but this isn't something I suggest doing alone.
I don't know what else to tell you here,. Maybe he can pick up a side job or sell some stuff on e-bay....loans from family? Friends?
What state are you in now? This could make a difference in the support amount & of course the duration. CA might seem like a bad jurisdiction to submit to but support is only paid until 18 or 19 if still in HS and no stipulation for college support. Other states you can pay till way past 18 & almost until they start to collect social security.
KAT

[ardeth7557]

Thanks for your answer. We will do some research on the paternity test issue. Maybe there is a way to get it done without paying a fortune.
I am not sure about the 50% ... We talked about it and he thinks that they will take 50% of whatever he has left. Do you know what I mean? Let's say he makes $2000 and pays $400 for child #1. That would leave him with $1600. 50% are $800. So that would be the amount he could pay in child support for #2. Or would they take 50% of his income (in our example $1000) and say that's the maximum amount he can pay in combined child support? I am not sure.
He said that he would look for a second job, but I don't think that will work. He is in the military and has a lot of training time until the end of the year. So he will be in the field a lot. How can he work an additional job? I had to quit my job because of our pcs move to Louisiana. I hope I will find a good job here. The eBay thing is not a bad idea. I was thinking about that a while ago. Buying stuff offline (fleamarkets, garage sales etc) and online and selling it there.
I will not ask my family for any money. No way.
The state question...
She lives in CA
We live in LA
And the child was conceived in TX.

I have another question:
Can a judge in CA adjust the child support for a child in a different state?

Thanks again. It is really good to talk to someone who is not emotional envolved. Makes a big difference.

ardeth

[KAT]

Sorry, guess I was out in the sun too long today putting together my new handy dandy Mantis Twin composter...allow me to brag, we only have...drum roll..147 more days to pay biohag 2k. See, it really does end someday, you just have to hold out! I think I miss-read your post.
Now, I thought he was already paying 50% for two? If that is so then she'll get either nothing or the judge could order something over the guidelines. If he's only paying for one they don't automatically go for 50% (thank god, don't give them any ideas okay!).
Best thing you can do Kiddo is to go to //www.supportguidelines.com & work up both states calculators ALSO looking at the duration of support & of course college (gee, think that should be voluntary ONLY for married people? sheezz). I have a BAD feeling that LA is one of those states where support continues to 23 or something..something not good at all, but don't quote me on it, please make sure you look it up yourself. Personally if it cost me 20 bucks a month more to pay under CA guidelines & it stops at 18 I'd take it over paying longer & for college...but you know that.
If you find out that this is the case the I suggest, FOLLOWING THE GUIDELINES (gotta say that) posting what do you need to do on our resident lawyer Socrateasers board. He's a wonderful CA attorney who we all respect alot even though what he says can be difficult to swallow at times (cause he's right, it's the law, and it sucks..can't blame him! Ahh, he makes me laugh).
E-bay can be a good thing. I've been selling on & off since 95. If you need help, just give me a shout.
To answer your last question about CA, no I really don't believe they make adjustments since you would be submitting to their jurisdiction. BUT don't go nuts here, it would seem that CA would be higher but it's usually right in line...now MA or CT you'd be looking at more...go figure, I think even AL is higher. CA usually comes in about the same as where we are in VA.
KAT

[KAT]

I'm not 100% sure you can get it changed unless your husband immediately files a case in CA.
The duration of child support will NEVER change from that of the original state of issue. (no cs shopping!)
As long as she remains in CA (if state of jurisdiction) modifications will always be there unless she agrees to a change. If she moves it could be a free for all. Same if you are still in LA & it's heard there...she can't move to say CT & try to get more money.
Not sure if you are aware but according to several studies, namely the American Blood Bank, 30% of DNA tests come back NOT THE DADDY. Pretty sad representation of the extent of moral decay in this society. He really needs to get this done. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the nut will be gone FOREVER after this. Man, he sure can pick em huh?
And I'm sure you are aware that visitation can not be forced.
KAT

[Troubledmom]

California Child Support Calculations takes into consideration any child support paid for other children not of the relationship. So if your husband is paying say $1,700 a month in child support for 2 other children, that amount should be deducted BEFORE the child support for the 3rd child is calculated.

If there are no custody orders and this action is coming from the county child support service office the default time share is 80/20. The only way to get the child support based on actual time share is to obtain child custody orders that clarify the time share.

California child support is calculated using the incomes of both parents and the time share with the child.

Additionally, as I recall in contested paternity cases, if the court orders that DNA testing be done that the cost of the testing is reserved until after the testing is complete and then it is based upon the parents ability to pay.

You may want to have your husband contact the Family Law Facilitators Office in the county where this woman lives. They may be able to assist him in figuring out the complex maze that is the family law courts in California.

Good Luck

TM