We're getting along great, how do we keep the state out of it? Connecticut

[Solkanar]

Thank you for your postings. My name is David, I'm 27, not rich, not poor, just an average guy whos trying to be excited about having my first child.

My question to you then is not about the support, but with the father of your children working and with you agreeing about child support, how much of the welfare are they trying to recoup from him? I think she and I could come up with an amicable child support arrangement, however my concern is them coming after me for the state programs shes on right now. It's not my fault that she's not working, yet she was forced to go onto state aid, and my understanding is the state says, thats now my responsibility...... and she's not even born yet. How hard has your state come down on your ex husband? Are they sucking him dry?

[sherrie ohio]

Were is it right that my husband has to pay half of his income every month for their daughter to and ex thats never worked in her life!And has always lived off welfare and child support from meny fathers.Yes it is right that he pays support,but were is it written that the mothers get to sit on their a** the rest of their lives because the had a child?His ex doesnt work and neither does husband number three.My husband and the other fathers,along with the state of ohio support these people and the children.All are of school age,so there isnt a reason for not haveing a job!They bring in more income sitting at home every month collecting this money,then we do with him haveing a full time job and me now part time.He is kept from info to do with health,school and everything else under the sun.Her concern is the money!!The guy that posted asked for advise and what others had happen to them.You have no right to be nasty toward our post!Were is it written that you get to sit at home while everyone else works?This guys girlfriend is haveing a baby,a reason not to work right now,thats a given.Why arent you????

[sherrie ohio]

This is sherrie's hubby and I have to say I am totally pi**ed off about your statement regarding your being proud to be on welfare!You should be ashamed, you should be embarassed!How can you wake up with yourself every morning knowing that you are nothing but a mooch living off of everyone else! If your childs father wont go out and get some type of job to support his little one then maybe you should have thought a little harder before making the choices that led to his/her conception.Ultimately the ones that suffer from adult stupidity are the children which is what this all about right?What about setting a high moral standard or at least a good example for the child to learn from....Maybe I just behind the times these days.....I am a father, a proud father, proud that I can go to my grave saying that I worked hard and supported my family with my own two hands with no help from uncle sam!TruckinDadohio

[Solkanar]

wambugha, as polite and nice as your response was to me, I have to admit that I agree with the others who are criticizing you. I know that my state is going to treat me like a deadbeat and suck me as dry as they can, because so many people stay on welfare for as long as possible and the states goal is to prevent people from getting on, and staying on, and if they do stay on, make someone pay for it if they can find someone because the government needs all the extra money to pay for corruption.

Unfortunately they go about things all wrong and fail miserable and thats because competence and intelligence are nowhere to be found on the qualifications list to be an employee of the state of CT.

In my opinion, not all couples who are not married should be treated as if they will soon hate each other and are going to fight it out, so why not make them fight it out in the beginning and get it over with in favor of the mother. It's just so wrong!

The laws regarding this system should have been made by people with experience with things like this.... and they obviously weren't.

[sherrie ohio]

I was trying to relate my husbands history with dealing with child support  in my post.To give you some idea of what to expect.Your girlfriend may not turn out like hubbys ex.But they(state) do ask for names of possible fathers till they fine the father.They will go on your income to figure out how much to take each week.And they(state) dont care if you have enufe to live on,just as long as their getting money from you.They will let you pay payments on the hospital/DNA testing,but will determine what amount of payment.I hope that your girlfriend and you truely do work things out.And get along for your childs sake.The child support system is unfair.Ive seen case's of it on both side's.And i was trying to prepare you for what lay ahead.My husabnd works very hard and they take a good chunk of his pay every week,to the point we live pay check to pay check.Hopeing nothing comes up that will take more money.While his ex draws in more money a month than we do.We have a child together and it gets hard,our child needs things to but has to do without alot because through the state their allowed to take 50% of his income for the first child.I agree that my husband should pay support,but why is it that his ex doesnt have to help support their child?I dont agree with the idea just because you had a child you get to live off the state/father for the next 18 years,and never work.You have the child together,you should support it together.I understand your girlfriend cant work now,and she needs to be able to rest and take care of herself and the baby.But the lady that posted stated no reason she couldnt work.I hope everything turns out well for all,most of all your child