How Far Back Can My Ex Collect For Bills She Never Gave Me In The First Place?

[mb]

April 08 was the last month I had to pay alimony to my ex-wife. She is now looking for new and creative ways to get money from me. She sent me a spread sheet with bills she said I never gave her money for dating back to 2002 for Tutoring, Dental, Medical. I unfortunately don't have checks going back that far. The only thing I can find on reimbursement is that bills need to be given to me in a reasonable amount of time but no more than 30 days after she pays them. She also does not notify me of large expenses then just asks for the money and threatens me. I think I should be notified if she is going to spend $2000 and expect $1000 from me. Can she come after me for this random stuff from 2002? And what about giving me some warning on the large expenses? Let me know if anyone has any advise. Thanks!

[Kitty C.]

What does your CO state?  If it specifically states that she has to submit them to you no longer than 30 days after she pays them, then no, she cannot come after you about them.  If, once you tell her this and she still wants to argue the point, tell her to refer to her copy of the CO and if she has any other questions about it, she needs to contact her atty., NOT you.  You might also want to check to see what state guidelines are...there may be a standard that the state falls back on, if it's not predetermined in court.

If there's no allowance in your CO about notification beforehand about large expenditures, then you're SOL unless you can get that revised by the court.  As for the big expenditures, even if you paid her 'something' every month, she doesn't have any right to complain, because you ARE paying.  Again, if she has a problem with it, she should discuss it with her atty.

Bottom line, refuse to engage in the conversation if all she does is threaten.  Besides, what's she threatening?  To take you back to court about it?  Then let her!  Then SHE can pay for her atty's time and court costs, which will eat up almost anything you might pay her anyway.  On top of that, there's no guarantee she'd win a judgement against you anyway.  Plus, if you have to be represented, you can ask for her to pay your atty. fees, too.

[mb]

Thank you so much for your response. My CO says that we must mutually agree and share in all major decisions... and that each party is to provide advance notification... Also, I told her that I could not afford to pay for private school in 03/04 so she paid for it and is now looking for that as well. She claims that she can take me to court and I will have to pay her lawyer fees. I have emails dating back to 2002 staing that not only did I not believe in sending my child to Catholic school since non of us are Catholic but that I could not afford to do so. I never agreed to it nor did I sign anything. She also feels, having nothing to do with our CO, that if she pays for something she can do what ever she wants. She is sending our child away to camp for 3 weeks (she is 9) This takes away from my visitation and it is over my birthday which I am entitled to spend with her. She feels that since I am not paying for it I have no say. My Co states that consent of both parties is required for, major educational decsions...summer school or summer camp. Basically anything except field trips which do not involve overnight. I think that she feels regardless of what the CO says I am required to pay 50/50 for everything even if I don't agree to it and it's above and beyond.

[Kitty C.]

Well, she's certainly in contempt if she sends your daughter to camp and doesn't allow you court-ordered parenting time.  But you can't file for contempt until she actually denies the time to you, after the fact.

'She claims that she can take me to court and I will have to pay her lawyer fees.'  She can claim anything she wants......it's up to the court as to who pays for atty. fees, depending on who asks for it.  Believe me, the last thing she wants is to go to court over all this, because she loses control and the decisions are taken out of her hands.

This is a typical tactic of a CP trying to maintain control with intimidation.  Wonder what her response would be if you told her you would be forced to file contempt on her if she failed to allow your CO'd time with your daughter.  Probably would say she would counter-file for all the money she 'thinks' you owe her.  But what she fails to realize is that she wouldn't just be in contempt on the visitation issue.....she's also already been in contempt in regards to mutually agreements on all major issues.  Make sure you have documentation on every incident.  To the court, if you don't have the documentation, it didn't happen.

Don't let her strong-arm you or intimidate you.  You know what your rights are and what has been ordered by the court.  Put that to work for you in court.  Just remember that all her blathering about YOU paying the bills and YOU paying her atty. fees is just a ploy to make you kowtow to her and her demands.  Personally, I call it blackmail......

[MixedBag]

and if your child is that young, you've got plenty of years to go which would make it worth getting it straightened out now.

Particularly if she's doing this crapola over your CHILD's time with you.

Blackmail -- good description.

I've used that too before.

[mb]

Thanks for your help! Let me know what you think about this... My CO says that we each are to pay 1/2 of all educational costs. I can no longer afford to pay for private school since she keeps choosing the most expensive schools in town. Her preschool was $8000. I told her I can't do it any more and she says the CO says I have to pay 1/2 but it says nothing about private school. She lives in a very nice neighborhood with a very highly rated public school. Since the CO says I have to pay 1/2 of educational will I be forced to pay for private school? She has a wealthy husband so she can afford to pay her 1/2 of an elaborate school.    

[Kitty C.]

Just something else that needs to be renegotiated in court.  Pi**es me off when parents like her try to take advantage of a simple order.  One thing you might want to ask her, though.  Receipts directly from the schools you've been paying for.  If she seriously balks or cannot come up with anything, you might want to consider some fraud going on here.  She just might be paying something different than what she's telling you..........and pocketing the difference.  Doesn't make any difference that her husband is wealthy...it's called greed and once you have it, you want more of it.