I need help, advice, and anything else I may need

[lyonsden]

AS you probable have already gotten the message I sent you. It naver hurts to say thankyou again. So thank you once again I will keep you undated on this end as much as I can. SOC has pointed out my short falls well and I am trying to minimize any further mistakes. I am just so worried because I know how my wifes depression goes up and down and I fear what will happen to my children if Im not there to help.

An old man I new once who lost all of his children in a accident told me to never stop loving your children and always remember the good times for one day you will see them again. I pray that day is soon. I am supposed to pick my children up this week end, but I fear what has went on since the last time I had them with me. My son being Autistic isn't lead in any one direction well and he has screamed and cried to stay with me and my little girl will turn 4 on the 27th of January and I can tell that this is bothering her because is really withdrawn and seems sad, where she was always happy, smiling, and laughing. My nephew came to visit for a few hours during the last visit and made a really load noise and she screamed and ran to me crying saying Daddy get me. I picked her up and asked what was wrong and she said that noise sounded like mommy. What that means I could not discover, omly that the moise and mommy making the noise scared her really bad. It makes me wonder what is going on behind closed doors in my wifes house.

God in heaven help my little children.

[c_alexander]

Yes, I did recieve your e-mail and I apologize for not getting back with you. I recently became unemployeed and have been trying to find employment.
More then you can realize I understand the frustration, worry,  fear and feelings of helplessness that plague you right now.  All I can tell you is to follow clsoely the advice the people on this board give you. they have all been there and back again and are very wise.
As for the time with your children, make every second of that time as special as you can.  I don't mean spoil them rotten or anything. Rather do all you can to build the strongest relationship with them you can. Be the ROCK that they can fall back on when they need you. Divorce is very hard on kids, I don't care how young or old they are. All these kids know is that they love each of their parents equally and now they are put in a position where they feel guilty that they have to choose bewteen one or the other for Holidays, or birhtdays, or whatever. My own daughter gets frustrated because all of her friends parents are together and she wishes that her real mom and dad are together. She even calls her mom's new boyfriend "dad" because it is difficult for her to explain to people who he really is....then she feels guilty for calling him that because I'm her REAL dad.
Like I said divorce is hard on the little ones. As a parent you can do all you can to make it as easy as you can for them, but still there are things they are going to have to work out for themselves. All you can really do liek I said is be  the rock they can lean on. Always be there to listen to them and support them. use every second you have with them to build the strongest bond you can with them....that bond is something no small minded judge can EVER take away from you.
As for the noise and her being scared I too am not sure the significance of that. Perhaps it is jsut a kid being a kid, perhaps there is more too it. They only way to find out mroe is to talk with her. Ask questions and listen. If you get that good lawyer I told you to get and document all of this kidn of stuff you are going to be far better off when you eventually enter that court room.
I won't lie to you and tell you it's gonna be easy. A nasty divorce can be one of the most stressful and terrible things you can ever face in your life. About the only positive thing that I can say is that along the way I have learned much about myself. I have grown as a person and a father. Sometimes divorce is not all bad. Just like a lot of things in life, it all depends on how you want to look at it.

my friend I wish you the best of luck. Please don't be afraid to contact me if I can be of further assistance or if you just need to vent. I know that during my divorce I was going to counseling and it helped a great deal to be able to unload my burdens to someone. Hang in there

[lyonsden]

I know what you mean by the Looking for a job deal. I have been out of work for sometime because of my wifes illness, and now I am haveing to scramble at the last minute to get back in the work force. I don't mind going back to work at all. I read the post the other day about the woman killing her children and herself. She had to have some form of mental illness or she was so selfish that she would rather noone have the children if she could not. This is the thing that worrys me the most.

Well thanks for your time and all the support. See ya soon.

[c_alexander]

Sad to say but there are a lot of really sick peopl elike that woman out there in the world. My ex is probably one of them..those who would rather no one have the kids if she couldn't. I would be a liar if I said that I had never thought about circumventing this country's twisted ideas of "family law" and just taking my daughter. About the only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that someday she would resent me for it. Not to say that I think like that woman that killed her kids mind you, but if I had custody a lot of the things that my ex and I argue about would be eliminated. Unlike her I try to nuture my daughters relationships with her other parent...not try to destroy them. Not trying to bash the ex, just stating it like it is.

I know your fears all too well...only wish i had to power to take thm away not jsut for you, but for everyone. It's a terrible feeling, one that no one should ever have to face. Stay strong friend.

[lyonsden]

I went to the school board and asked for there help in the matter with me not being able to be apart of my sons education. After I provided the CFR and State statute they confered with school attorney and called me back tiday and apolojized for this ever happening. So, what did I do? I went and spent sometime with my son in his class today and when I departed I cried like a baby. It felt so good to be apart of his education again. My son asked when I was going to take him home and I told him this weekend he said "No that want do, cause I want to spend 7,000 nights with you." This from a 7 yr old Child with Autism. God I love my children.

[c_alexander]

Thats good to hear man...very good to hear.

[lyonsden]

This is my first weekeknd that I have my children since this all began. They are both asleep right now and as I type this out I tell you one and all there is no greater joy in the world than to be with your children, the few people in this world that have had to live with their children with no interuptions are truely blessed and they don't even know it.

I look over at my children and see them sleep in complete comfort and they look like little angels. My daughter was scared when she first went to sleep, she keeps telling me that she is afraid of the monster out side the house. I have asked what the monster is and looks like, does it make noise, etc.  No real understandable answer. It makes me wonder what has been going on when I'm not there. She asked me if I would stay with her and of course I did and told her not to worry, daddy was here and she would be just fine. She finally fell asleep and my son was not to far behind, my only solice in this is that I know I have been a good daddy to them both and they show me that they love all the time.

It is such a pieceful thing to see them sleeping, but heart renching to know that they will not be with me tomarrow night after they go back with their mommy, even though they don't want to go back. They have said that my wife tells them not to talk about me and gets angry if they do. I want tell them every thing that has happened because even after all this I want them to be able to spend time with their mommy. They have asked me to go back to the house with them and I have to tell them I can't, but I wish I could, because I still love my wife, but I fear she will have another down day when I or anyone else is around and God only knows what will happen. So if any of you Pray, don't pray for me Pray for them, as I do all the time.

Thank you one and all for letting me cry on your shoulders, God Bless each and everyone of you.

[wendl]

I'm so happy to see the school is letting you be involved again.

I know at my sons Middle School they have an open door poilcy, parents can come sit in classrooms as long as they check in at the office.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**