since the last topic blew up so fast. a couple more questions

[foughtandwon]

first off thanks for all the replies to my last topic. Even though everybody has thier own view, it gives me a place to start my research.

a few new questions.

1. hopefully this doesnt happen any time soon. If i had to deploy again, can i appoint a legal gurdian to care for him or does BM have first right?

dont start flaming, remember, because of her recent actions I feel the need to protect him.  (i still hope she wakes up one day and can be an adult about things)

now if during my deployment she manages to get temp custody of him do i get custody when i come back? or is the 6 month rule gonna get me here and once again go into a fist fight of a custody battle?


my current thought is to, give a power of attorney to either my dad or sister as a guardian and send him to bm home state. that way bm can visit him more offten and he will still get the love/support he needs.  

why not send him to BM? she has no clue on how to care for him, he is already behind in school and in her custody would fall back even more. at this point there is no amount of parenting classes or training that can help her. ( you can lead the horse to water but cant make it drink)

2. BM missed her call this weekend and didnt even call monday to try and make it up. what should i do next?

my thought is this. wait for her to call this weekend. inform her of the calls being recorded and then get her to agree to a specific time every week. after that keep a log of missed calls.

I know her and she is crazy enough to try and take my back to court.

If or should i say when she does, i want to have documentation of these kinda things.

[jilly]

What does your CO say? Is right of first refusal addressed in the CO?

[foughtandwon]

I guess my CO was just left wide open. I assume its because it was a CPS,custody issue.

i cant imagine how she would have first right. If i wasnt there to gain custody cps would have severed(sp???) her rights and put him up for adoption. thier words not mine.
i still get mad everytime i think of the little girl and her dad thats to chicken to fight for her. i thought that if he saw me win he would change his mind and atleast try.  

guess it might be time to start looking for a new job. i really wanted to do my20 years but if its gonna cost the saftey of my son its not worth it.

[jilly]

Think you may want to post this to Socrateaser and get his professional opinion on this.

[SLYarnell]

I am going to start off saying that I understand your situation and I believe that you are trying to do the best thing for your child but you have several strikes against you!

You are VERY lucky to have custody at this point, Dads dont often get their children dropped into their lap and the fact that you are active duty??  even less chance.

You need to make contact with a GOOD lawyer and have a parenting plan filed with the court that addresses all these issues where your backside is currently hanging out in the breeze.

I truly wish you and your son the best of luck,

Sly

[patton]

Army lets mother deal with custody dispute
Woman initially declared AWOL won't have to return to Iraq
   
Simone Holcomb, whose National Guard unit is in Iraq, is being demobilized.
 
 The Army is recalling a Colorado mother from duty in Iraq to allow her more time to deal with a custody dispute. CNN's Patty Davis reports (November 11)
 
  In an about-face, an Army mother is being allowed to remain at home with her children instead of returning to duty in Iraq.

Simone Holcomb, a 30-year-old mother of seven and Army medic whose unit is in Iraq, has been reassigned by the Army to her National Guard unit in Colorado to allow her more time to deal with a custody dispute.

Army spokeswoman Martha Rudd said Holcomb is being demobilized.

"The leadership there will give her time to resolve the outstanding family issues," Rudd said.

Both Mrs. Holcomb and her husband, Vaughn Holcomb, had been deployed to Iraq, leaving their seven children behind in the care of the childrens' grandmother, who can no longer do it.

A custody battle initiated by her husband's ex-wife brought Simone Holcomb back to the U.S. on emergency leave.

She was thrust into the national spotlight after the Army ordered her to go back to Iraq, and a Colorado judge then ordered either Holcomb or her husband to stay in the United States to retain custody of two of his children -- Dustin and Taylor.

Holcomb resisted returning to Iraq for what she describes as family reasons.

"My children have always come first," she said last week.

Rudd said the National Guard will decide Holcomb's fate. The Army specialist was considered absent without leave, but is no longer.

Holcomb's lawyer, Giorgio Ra'Shadd, came to the Pentagon on Monday to try to reach a resolution. He asked for "compassionate reassignment."

The reassignment comes after Holcomb's commanding officer called her early Monday morning, said Ra'Shadd, to inform her she faces a non-judicial Article 15 disciplinary action for failure to obey the lawful order of a commanding officer and return to Iraq.

"I feel good for her and I feel good for the kids because the kids were very stressed," said Ra'Shadd.

However, he said the Article 15 disciplinary action remains in force and Holcomb intends to fight it.

"The commander in the field has her over the barrel," Ra'Shadd said, because the Article 15 could affect Holcomb's veterans benefits if it is not removed.

"They do have to clean up the Article 15," he said.

[foughtandwon]

i was actually 2 days away from leaving the country when my dad called and told me the state took custody of my son.
my commander was kind enough to listen to me and agreed that it was better for me to stay back and take care of things as much as possible before went to Iraq.
I found out what was going on and got my case plan from CPS. i completed everyting then had to play the waiting game. since i there was nothing else i could do i found my way to Iraq and did what i had to do. after deployment the case was still active and i just picked up where i left off. It took 10 months after my deployment before thigs wrapped up.

[foughtandwon]

I am well aware of my recent luck.
i started reaserching as soon as he was born and as we all no a father seeking custody better have a damn good reason.

I was lucky cps got involved, that way i got a court appointed lawyer.

i wish the bm was even open to trying to set a parenting plan. i know everything i offer will be thrown in the trash. we tried to come up with a parenting plan with her therapist but that was a joke. her therapist must have thought i was an idiot cause she miswrote everything i agreed to and then brought her husband in as the notary.
sorry but hat just didnt seem right.
i wish i could go back to court but i really dont have the money for a lawyer.
i could see if she was willing to agree to something but ii know she is going to contest eveything. and that is going to run up the lawyer fee's
heck in the begining of this i offered her joint custody and she threw that in my face.

her lawyer is just as bad as she is and was always being corrected by the judge.

[Forthelittleones]

Hey Patton,

Did you hear about the soldier in Dallas who was awarded primary custody of his son when he divorced who has been the primary care giver AND had to turn the child over to his mother or get out of the Army?


The Army would not let him out so he went to court to fight it - Judge gave him the choice - dont deploy or give up your son.

DH has seen this happen many times - women in his unit can take whatever days they need to in order to get their affairs in order if they have kids, if you are a man - well you dont get them.

Once he had a court hearing to attend out of state while on his two weeks - his commander wouldn't let him make up the time -BUT two women in his unit were allowed to do home base AT because they had child care issues and could not be away from the home.  DH asked for a homebased AT - he was told - the AR only allows women to get it if they have kids, men are not included in the AR.

Isn't that great?!?!?