DH is scheduled for mediation again.

[tulip]

BM is really scared about getting into trouble now. I thought for sure when she saw what dh's atty filed, she would realize that she is totally getting away with everything, but I guess not. It only made her more upset. I am wondering, though, if we got copies of everything he sent her, because when she called dh the other day, to tell him he's insane, after reading the papers she got, she metioned that he said she acted in bad faith by not going to mediation. I don't remember reading anything about that in the motion atty filed, and I think I would have noticed, because I was upset that it wasn't mentioned! He filed an affidavit requesting that the judgement be amended to the one she was SUPPOSED to file, instead of the one she "fraudulently" filed. He also asked that she be required to pay atty fees of $1000, resulting from her actions. And he noted that she also violated both the order she was supposed to file, and the one she did file. Court isn't til April, but hopefully the judgement will get modified immediately.

I've just been so frustrated about all this it's making me physically sick. I've been praying about it alot, and have decided to throw my arms up and surrender. Yes, it was really crappy what she did to us at Christmas, but it's done, and we can't get Christmas back. She did sign the paper awarding dh joint custody, so he has that now, and that's a huge gain! We will get the cs modified, so we can afford to buy these kids the clothes and things they so badly need. So I want to quit fighting.

Now, she called and rescheduled their mediation appt, so that's back on. DH said that he thinks she's going to show up this time, because she got herself into trouble. So back to the parenting plan we gave her before their last appt. I copied the one of this site, and modified it for our situation. She has a huge problem with the statement that neither of them can call each other's homes between 8pm and 8am. She also has a huge problem with all the statements about step-parents' rights to care for the kids, transport the kids, attend activities, school functions, and conferences. I think if she brings this up in mediation, they are going to tell her she's nuts. I'm no atty, but I really think a stepparent already has these rights. The only reason I left it in there is that she's always arguing about this, and telling dh that legally she thinks she can prevent me from volunteering at their schools and going to their conferences.

Anyway, that meeting is tomorrow, and I'm glad that's it's finally happening. Hopefully it means that all this fighting is coming to an end, or at least calming down some. But I shouldn't get my hopes up, because who knows what will happen when they get there. I'm just glad that the kids are her this weekend, so if she walks away pissed off she can't take it out on them.

[spinner]

my order says that mediation has to be used but she keep going back to court.
how do you make her go thru mediation?
how can you push for that?

[tulip]

Every atty we have talked to looks at their divorce j & d and says well, this says here that you have to go to mediation first. So we made several efforts to PROVE that he had TRIED to get her to go to mediation before taking her to court. Also, his first affidavit he filed stated that if she agreed to go to mediation, he would keep the case out of court. The attys seemed to think that if he even tried to take her to court w/o going to mediation first, they would tell him to get lost.

Do you have an atty? I would point out that your divorce says that you are supposed to go to mediation, and since she is bringing to court instead, ask to have her ordered to pay your resulting atty fees. Your divorce was just recently finalized wasn't it? Because I know there is a certain amount of time you have after that either of can contest the judgement.

[Sunshine1]

How did it go??

[tulip]

Friday night was the worst night of my life since dh and I have been together. I have never seen him so frustrated, hopeless, and just pissed off.

BM went to this meeting with the sole intention of slamming dh and me. She doesn't get that these mediators are not there to judge either one of them, or make any decisions, but only to help them compromise on the things they can't agree on. She made all sorts of horrible accusations, like we discipline the kids by withholding food and starving the children. She said that she has a police report filed where social services was involved about 8yo ss being left standing at the bus stop alone, but we have never been contacted about this and she refused to give him the date or any details.

They talked about the phone call thing, and the mediators told dh that he is being very unreasonable to not let her call here after 9:00 when she is in school. They are still going to talk about this more, and I hope that he will point out that it's not that important for her to talk to her kids everyday. They were here all last week, and she didn't call them M,W, T or Sat. Also, they clinicals she was taking before shouldn't be an issue now, because she is done with them. So there is no reason she can't talk to the kids before 8:00.

She also demanded a clause be put into their parenting plan that states that when he divorces me and marries his 4th wife, he gives up all rights to "her" children.

They talked about the kids activities, and the mediators came down on her for this one, and even caught her lying. She said that she doesn't want them to be in any activities because she is so busy working full time and going to school full time she can't bring them. (She also said that she hasn't been able to work for the last month and 1/2 because dh has put her under so much stress. He's under stress, but still goes to work everyday.) They asked her why can't they go if she is not with them anyway? They asked her why can't they go if they are just sitting at home doing nothing anyway? She whined that they are in so many things, and she doesn't want them to be overwhelmed. DH went over every thing they do, and the mediator said that's not much.

Finally they separated them. They went and talked to her alone, and then they talked to dh alone. They will not meet with them together anymore. I don't know if this is normal or not. It doesn't seem like anything is being accomplished, and dh says its probably going to cost us $600-800/month, more than the atty fees. Nothing is going to get resolved, because she just wants to fight, fight, fight.

Sunday, they were supposed to go back to her house after church. We got out of church around noon, and dh went to bring oss home. (He doesn't live here anymore, but goes to church with us every week, so dh picks him up.) I came right home and there was a message from pbfh. She was pissed that the kids weren't home yet, and he was screwing up her plans. She sounded wasted. I called dh on his cell and told him, so her called her to let her know they would be there soon. She refused to take the kids. If he had brought them back at 11:00, ss could have gone some where with one of her friends, but now it was too late and she didn't want to listen to them complaining about being bored all day.

[Sunshine1]

OH man!

Separating them is normal if they can't get along.  I also know that if the two of them can't agree or get anywhere, or you just feel like it isn't going anywhere you can call it off. The mediator will just say that the parties were unable to come to an agreement.  They can't say anything else.

I was told by our attorney to NEVER refuse the children no matter what!!  She just dug a hole there, hopefully she'll keep digging it.

The clause about giving up his rights is unreal!!  The mediator didn't say she was being unreasonalbe about that???  I guess I don't see why it is unreasonable either to have strict phone guidelines.  If it is a problem with her calling after 9 or all hours of the night it, obviously it needs to be addressed.  I wouldn't say to them though that it isn't important for her to talk to them everyday...it is actually, having a cap on the time though is not unreasonable.  Our PP agreement says "each parent shall have the right to speak with the children daily"  Just because you have the right doesn't mean you are always going to be home, and we have put a cap on the phone calls.  She can only call between 7-8.  

It will get better.  Our mediation took 4 times before we said, you have no intention of making this work and we went back to court.  We had to give a few things to get the big picture.  Mediation sucks, and them being separated is a good start.

Good Luck , hang in there!!   ;)

[tulip]

The phone call issue is the first thing on their list of stuff to discuss at the next meeting. What I meant is not that it's not important that she talk to the kids everyday. I meant it's not that important to her. She doesn't call them every day.

She hasn't scheduled their next meeting yet. I don't think she intends to, but she probably will because dh is filing another affidavit, so when she gets a copy of that, it will remind her that they are going back to court in April. Atty's assistant finally typed up all the complaints we had about her blowing off the first meeting, and not intending to reschedule. She e-mailed this to me while dh was at his mediation appt. It also details some of the wacked-out things she has been doing to the kids, and the fact that there was no Christmas waiting for them when they arrived in AK on Christmas. Atty said he filed the first affidavit quickly, just to get something in front of the judge and get a court date. Now he wants to file this other, more detailed one for the judge to see what's going on. He thinks if we file for sole custody now, she might just take the joint custody away that she just gave him. He said to keep documenting for about a year, and then if things are still like this, we could file for sole custody.