mom without custody

[sittnpretty]

I am hoping to find some help here with a situation that has become way out of control. About 4 years ago I decided to move to another county in the state that I live in. My oldest son made the decision to stay with his dad to finish out the school year, so we decided not to separate the two and let thm both stay. In the mean time, my ex was arrested and the children were taken into custody by CYS. Their dad refused to give information as to my whereabouts and had the children placed in family foster care with his brother and sister-in-law. I found out about this almost a month later by the brother and sister-in-law. I began calling the agency to find out what I had to do to get my kids back. I was informed that their dad had made allegations of abandonment, and drug use and that I must comply with certain things b/4 this could happen. i went through the evaluations, six month of random drug testing, and established my own residence rather than living in someone elses home. The evalutation results were "No problem, no recommendation of anything further", the results of the drug tests were all negetive. My children stayed with their aunt and uncle to finish up the school year. My ex was tried and given 5 years probabtion and CYS returned the kids to him! My oldest wants to remain with his father, which is fine, due to school, friends, and sports.  My youngest hasn't said if he has a preference, but has asked his dad to let him come and visit for the weekends, which he does not permit. There is no existing order at this time, but I am trying to get the ball rolling, just not sure where to turn first.

[pollar]

First, is there a current court order as to who has legal residential custoday and who has visitations. Any child 12 & order can decide whom they want to stay with but it's up to the courts to decide what's in the best interest of the children.

If there's no current court order and the evalution came back as you not needing any further testing. Petition the courts immediately. Be sure to document the visits, parent time with the children, and your exs' behavior such as agrees or disagrees on what's best for the kids. In most states it's not necessary to establish a residence so long as the kids have some where to stay or sleep.

Kids are the controllers in the court  system but it's up to you to help in the choice making. If your child is to young to speak for him self state your opinions and concerns in writting to the courts. Allegations are a bad thing but in few cases are a good thing. See, us men need proof, allegations alone are not acceptable. While in court don't have a negative attitude just display feeling of concern.

Sounds to me the boys in my opinion aren't saying much and are in need of some answers from the both of you. If you can take the boys to a public place with your ex like a park,fishing, museum, so they won't get distracted. Then see what's on their mind and the important lesson is to listen to every thing they have to say before giving a response. Make sure if they pause for a moment to ask them did you want my answer so they know that you're listening. By doing this, they won't think of you as a parent but a friend.

These are just a few things to help you along the way to assist you in court and what you and the kids think is best for them. Even if you don't agree, just listen to what you ex has to say to. All these steps will help you decide what you want from family court.

Pollar dedicated father