Sonless father desperately needs help..... Please can someone help me

[happydadtwo]

 I am twenty-four year old student in Dekalb, IL. I am from Chicago. I have a one year old son named Elijah. His mother and I are not married and we are not together. However, I still love and care for her. Just recently on november 8th 2004, she has not allowed me to see my son because she doesn't want me around nor does she acknowledge me as his biological father. Here is why: She told me back in March of 2003 that she was pregnant. Although, I was never afraid of being a father, I was a bit worried about financially takinging care of my son. I got over that very quickly. Anyway, upon her telling me of the pregnancy, she also told me about her ex boyfriend coming over to her apartment at four in the morning to talk about geting back together. She told me this two and a half weeks before she told me she was expecting our little man. when she told me that, I instantly began to think she lied about me being the father of our son. So, I asked her for a paternity test, (which I had done and it turned out that Elijah is my son , thank God). She was deeply hurt and embarrassed that I asked for a test, but I had explained to her why I wanted it. I told her about a hurtful experience that I had with my ex two years ago. My ex had cheated and got pregnant by the guy. I didn't know she cheated and I thought the baby was mine until she miscarried a month and a half later when she confessed to cheating. I forgave her and we tried to work things out. We had been together for five years, so I felt that what she did was a mistake and I could forgive her and move on. However, our last two years together were bad and we broke up. That's when I met my sons mom. Now, when I had explained this to my sos mom she didn't care and got mad because she felt I left her and the baby. I didn't leave. she said to me that since I asked for the test I have right to be involved until I get the results back. However, I still tried to be involved.  When she told me she was expecting I initiated the first contact with her parents and they didn't want to meet me because they were upset at their daughter and me. They didn't contact me for three months. When her parents decided to meet with me I had to cancle on them three times because they wanted to meet me during school hours. I said to them "since your daughter lives out here, can you come to her apartment in Dekalb during the weekend and we can talk about the situation". (Since they never spoke to directly, they sent these messages through their daughter to give to me). They said "NO". I asked if we can talk by phone or send e-mails untill we can meet in person. They said "NO". They told their daughter to tell me that they will meet me on their terms when and where they want. After a while, I got a threatening e-mail from her dad saying that I am causing their daughter stress and I need to take responsibility for actions and that they have consulted legal advise to know what their rights are as grandparents sincs I don't plan to be around. I kept cool about it, but I got a second e-mail that show cased a man having sex with a girl and the man was wearing a birth control patch on the bottom of his foot. The message at the bottom of the picture said "Learn to be a man and accept responsibility for your actions". I asked my sons mom about it and she said that no one in her family would do such a thing. Her father started the confrontation and I said nothing in my defence until I got that message. Now im the disrespectful one for defending my character. All this drama grew into hatred towards me and my sons mom siad to me "I wish you weren't the father and I never met you. "Your attempts to be a father are not good enough and you don't know how to be a father". Now, I ignored these words and continued to be a great dad to my son. We began to have touble the moment she saw a lawyer and forun out that I had no rights to my son because I never signed the birth certificate. I wanted to sign the birth certificate after I got the paternity test results, but my sons mom said I didn't have too because the test proving I am the biological dad was enough. Apparently not. Once her lawyer told her that, she began to purposely do things to find a reason to take my son away from me. I would ask her or more time with him because I only saw him two days which turned to one day a week for two hours. She would get mad and say "give me more money then" or "Im not going to stop what I'm doing to give you more time to see my son" She ment (My) as if he soley belonged to her and that I had no part in his creation. So, I began giving her two-hundred dollars a month to help he with our sons needs. She took him away from me cause I asked for more time with him which she wasn't allowing me, her family and friends hate me and I have done nothing wrong, she wants to make a new life with my son and her new boyfriend acting as my sons father. I need a lawyer very badly, but I can't afford an expensive lawyer and all the ones I have seen want from $1000- $3,500 up front just to take the case. I am sill in school. I have a job, but I don't make enugh to get that kind off money. I missed my sons birthday (12-31-04), I missed X-mas (I still have his gifts and cloths he can't fit now), I missed thanksgiving, and I didn't see him on my birthday which just passed on February 10. He is getting older and now he doesn't remember me. His mom found someone to be his father and that it hurts that she would that to me. I recently had two heart attacks which were stresed related. She knew about them and she told my mother that I brought it on myself and that she doesn't care. I'm still stressed and the doctor told me that if I have another attack that it will possobly be fatal. Since the beginning of all this I only wanted to avoid getting hurt a second time, be with my son and grow to be wonderful dad, and have a chance to be with and love my sons mother. Although, she is taking me through these changes, I still and will always love her no matter what. I can't let myself hate her. I pray at night that God will give her a change of heart and let me be with my son. I'm growing weary in my patience. This is becoming too much to bear. God I only want to be with my son. Is there anyone that can help me please, Sombody help me I have tried almost everything and I refuse to give up on my baby boy he needs me and I need him.

[patton]

edit your post.  There are not paragraphs.

It is very difficult to read.  

You will probably get a LOT more responses if it is broken down a little bit.

It was giving me a head ache and I only got half way thru it.

Thanks,

[MYSONSDAD]

You need to help yourself. I also did not read the entire post, but got the drift. I am in Illinois. And beleive me, I am not bragging.

First you need to find a Family law attorney, you can either check this site or talk with other fathers and find out who works for the fathers. Go to the courthouse and sit in on some trial cases, find an attorney that appeals to you. Make appointments, many offer free first consultation, some take a retainer and allow you to make payments.

You need to establish paternity. The lawyer will petition the court for this. She will probably go after you for Child Support.

Once paternity is established, file for visitation.

It is all about money. If you give her support, which I would hold off on, until you establish paternity. Make sure you pay her and in the memo areas, "for Child Support." This way she can not go back in time and collect.

I can give you some very good groups for Illinois, they are fighting back.. This will also help educate, read the State Statues, know your rights.

One thing you will hear alot of is, DOCUMENT!