New Member here...Need LOTS of HELP!!!!

[LovingFather01]

Hey my name is Chris and I have a 4 year old daughter that I have not seen in over 2 years.  Well I will tell you the story but its long and may be confusing but here it goes.

My daughters mother and I split up when she was 9 months old.  And my daughter and her mother went and stayed with her grand parents.  When my daughter turned a year old my daughters GREAT AUNT came down to visit or so I thought.  Well apparently the great aunt went and filed temporary custody papers.  And the thing is I did not know any of this until I was told the day before to meet them up there at Juvenile Court.  So I was like WTF and so I did.  When I got up there it felt like I had died 50 thousand times over and over.  We "DEABATED" for like 2 hours over my daughter.  My daughters mother's family completely turned on me and started saying that I was not a responsible father and that I never called to see my daughter or never came by to see her or whatever and I was like WTF.  I told them ALL that I am a good father and that I did try to come by and see my daughter and I try to call to see if I can take her out or keep her over the weekend but that I couldn't cause every last one of YOU stopped me or gave me some kind of BULLSHIT excuse.  Well anyways, the great aunt ended up getting her.  Well I tried and tried to appeal the case but the courts were so backed up I couldn't get a spot so to speak.  Well they came back down that Christmas and I took them all to Chuckie Cheese and we had a good time.  I wanted to show them that I am not a bad person and that I want to be able to take care of my daughter.  And that was the last time I saw my daughter.  The great aunt lives in Alaska cause her husband is in the military.  I have been asking to see my daughter for the past 2 YEARS but still no response on that...I have ran up a HIGH long distance bill that is well over 2000 dollars in the past 2 years and I am the oner who is always calling to see how my daughter is doing or to see when they are coming down next....I have gotten maybe 15 to 20 pictures of my daughter in the past 2 years.  And over half the time I call up there all I get is there answering machine and I hate talking to machines.  I hate leaving messages and never getting a returned call.  I have even written numerous amounts of e-mail.  And this past Christmas I tried to call and wish my daughter a Merry X-mas and all I get is the damn MACHINE...Now that is some pain there....A damn stab in the HEART....Expecting to hear you daughters voice and all you get is a damn machine....And trust me I tried my best not to say anything RUDE on the machine but after I hung up I started throwing shit around in my house and my wife asked me whats wrong and all I could do was cry cause it hurt so bad.  I now have a one in a half month daughter and I will be damned if anyone is taking her away from me...I would not be able to handle that.  I have spent countless hours trying to get some help with this situation but all I get is we cant help you or if you want us to take your case it will be this $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ much...I am down to wits end and I have seriously lost sleep over this whole ordeal and I am not the same person anymore literally. The only time I really happy is when I see my one in a half month old daughter.  I want to be me again.  I want to be able to see my daughter again to hear from hear to touch her hug her kiss her and all that good stuff.  I know I wont be able to get custody of her right of hand but I want to be able to at least get some kind fo visitaion and I dont want to go through the courts here in Memphis cause they are so screwed up so WHAT DO I DO???

Thanks In Advanced!!!

Chris C.

[reagantrooper]

On what grounds did the geat aunt get your daughter?

why was she taken from the mom but not given to you?

[c_alexander]

Dear Chris,

We need some of the finer details of the story in  order to help you.
1.Were you and your ex every married or was this child out of wedlock?
2.Do you have any criminal history or anything which might show a court that you are an unfit father (ie drug abuse, physical abuse, alcoholic, etc)?
3. Why did your ex give custody up?
4. Can you move to Alaska to be with your daughter?
5. Are there any other solutions to your problem?

if we all have a better idea of the situation then we can help you. There are a lot of very good people here and they can and will help as best they can. Let us know more and we'll see what we can advise.

Sincerely,
Chris Alexander

[Hawkeye]

Chris C... You've certainly made the first step by discovering this place. Chill and sit down and explore everything possible here.  There are no easy, overnight solutions but there is hope... persistence will pay off. Channel your energy into research, documentation and determination. Sounds like you're on the right track with two outta three. Get Optimal or at least the parenting tracker here and document every attempted phone call. Build your case, for now and hang in there...  Your daughter will know you're trying to be the best possible Dad you can be. ~Hawkeye... keep the faith!

[LovingFather01]

>Chris C... You've certainly made the first step by
>discovering this place. Chill and sit down and explore
>everything possible here.  There are no easy, overnight
>solutions but there is hope... persistence will pay off.
>Channel your energy into research, documentation and
>determination. Sounds like you're on the right track with two
>outta three. Get Optimal or at least the parenting tracker
>here and document every attempted phone call. Build your case,
>for now and hang in there...  Your daughter will know you're
>trying to be the best possible Dad you can be. ~Hawkeye...
>keep the faith!


Trust me I have every phone bill...It shows all the times I have called and everything.

Chris C.

[LovingFather01]

>On what grounds did the geat aunt get your daughter?
>
>why was she taken from the mom but not given to you?

Cause at the time I did not have a stable place of living so to speak.

Chris C.

[LovingFather01]

>Dear Chris,
>
>We need some of the finer details of the story in  order to
>help you.
>1.Were you and your ex every married or was this child out of
>wedlock?
>2.Do you have any criminal history or anything which might
>show a court that you are an unfit father (ie drug abuse,
>physical abuse, alcoholic, etc)?
>3. Why did your ex give custody up?
>4. Can you move to Alaska to be with your daughter?
>5. Are there any other solutions to your problem?
>
>if we all have a better idea of the situation then we can help
>you. There are a lot of very good people here and they can and
>will help as best they can. Let us know more and we'll see
>what we can advise.
>
>Sincerely,
>Chris Alexander
>

No my ex and I were never married.

The only criminal history that I have was that of road racing and that was a few years back me and my buddy were racing each other and he saw the cop but I didnt and the cop later caught up with me at my house and arrested me right then and there.  I spent about 3 months in jail for it and had a BIG fine.  But it is all taken care of now.  

Well my ex gave custody up to the aunt cause she did not want me to have her and she could not take of her at the time so to speak.

I probably could but I am married now and I have a one month old daughter.  My wife is not too fond of -15 or more below...lol.

The only solution that I could see of as of now is to try to get in contact with my ex and try to get her to understand that with our daughter up in Alaska neither one of us can see her or spend time with her on a regular basis.

Chris C.

[gipsy]

 I really can't say I know exactly but here is what I thinbk you need to find out , First , Was this a dependancy hearing that you went to , Or something to do with Child protective services? . And second ,
   It sounds like there was absolutely no court process for you there ! And you need to know what that is ,
   Like here they would have a guardian ad litem appointed , then the GAL would report to the court . When you say the court is all screwed up . After what Ihave been through , I Hear , You didn't understand the process . Like if this wast a dependancy hearing Or Is this where you were not married to the mother and paternity was never established ? .  I really think There is  more info , And you need totalk to several atty's , Untill you talk to a couple that will find out what the hearing was , And If there is a process , Like My case , I was never married to the mother , And I requested , paternity testing through the court to make sure I was barking up the right tree , And this process had to play out through the court .,It took a while , However it seemed like I lost at first , and it semed that the court was all screwe up . But I just did not understand the process ,

   Basically ]  File for paternity testing
                  File for a parenting plan
      The mother did the same thing and said I was some bad guy  
       So  My atty had to file for a Guardian Ad Litem . To be appointed , The the GAL Had to Investigate . Then the court had to see the GAL report , Before they did any thing , And trust Me the court did Not even let Me see My son untill they Knew I was the Dad and , The GAL report said I was not a psycho , As the Mother accused , So Get this Through Your head . Maybe You did not really lose . You just did not go throught this process .,. I repeat , Its very Unfortunate that The mother could just go to court and say , I was  a psycho , So In this process I went to court Several times that coukld be considered a loss , But then The commissioner finally got the GAL report , And saw that It said . I have a job . Place to live and , A room for My son with toys , And there was No police report , that said I was a psycho , the the Commissioner said Ok ,
   Here's why .
      The most important person to the judge Is who ?
    THE JUDGE!!! . And that is because the judge doesn't news cameras at the court house showing his Picture On the Five  Oclock news That say's heres the judge that let joe the Axe murderere have the kids , And this is just the way they do it , Because the Judge doesn't have time to go check the police report or talk to any witnesses , Etc . So the judge won't do Much Untill some one calle The Guardian Ad Litem sends a report that say's we check to See If Joe is an axe murdered like Mom or Whoever say's he is, And It appears that Joe doesn't even own an axe .  
    Get it !!! So thats why we think We lose when we just go pop into the court and Think we just have rights , Its Screwed up , But thats the way it is , So start talking to every family law atty in the phone book , And eventually one will just ask . Like what was the hearing and why . / AAnd etc .

[c_alexander]

The picture I am getting from you about the situation that lead to the aunt getting custody, you still might have a chance to get or see your daughter, but there are problems.
Not being married is not always good. I know like in Indiana not being married and having a kid, you might as well forget seeing that kid again...at least that has been my experience and understanding of the law...not always like that though.
I would suggest that your first plan of action would be to get your living arrangements and life balanced. Get a stable place to live, the best job you can, and get on some kind of financial plan. Put money inthe bank for savings, etc all that stuff that the stereotypical American family does.  Secondly, I would see a lawyer about starting slow. Get a judge to enforce weekly phone time with you and your daughter and perhaps e-mail or letters. If handled properly such an arrangement can cost as little as $600 lawyer included. During all of this I would maintain as much contact as possible. Write letters, send pictures, send CD's with music on them, or video letters on video cassette, or anything and everything you can to let that little girl know you are her Daddy. Keep a record of EVERYTHING you send.
After maybe a year of writing, phone calls, and such perhaps you could either arrange parenting time during the summer or off school time with the Aunt, OR go back to court and request some visitation.

All in all I think that it is going to be a long process, but if a court see you making a conscious effort to be a part of this girls life,,,,even if that means kissing the Aunts butt (normally I am NOT for kissing butt, but what is mroe important priode or your daughter). I think you can eventually work it out.

I wish you the best my friend.

[happydadtwo]

Hey, Chris. Well we already share two things in common. First, our first names are the same and second, I havent seen my son in four months he turned one on 12/31 last year. His mother has not let me see him since thanksgiving. I am first time father going through b s just like you. All I can say is give the situation to God. (easier said than done right?) I know how it feels to miss your kid especially when you know in your heart that your are a great father. Women possess tooooooooo much power when it comes to children, they can use them to mess a mans world up. It's not fair for them to use our seeds against us because they are upset. She is only hurting your daughter and when she gets old enough to know whats going on she will learn the truth and grow to hate her mother for keeping her from you. I'll pray for you. Please pray for me too. You'll see your baby girl soon. Peace, bro.

                   Happydadtwo:+