Missouri Rights For Fathers

[MeMaw]

This is a very difficult situation.  As I am seeking advice for my son.   My grandaughter who was born just alittle over 2 months ago in Missouri.  He is living with the mother, who has put his complete name on BC and she bears his last name.  
Recently, it has been brought to my attention that he fears she is going to leave with the baby to another state where he family resides.   Basic information about her is she is an alcoholic and drug addict.   The baby tested negitive at birth to pot only as she that is what she limited herself to towards the end of her pregnancy.
She has been drinking alot lately.  When she does start drinking she cannot stop until she passes out for several hours before becoming conscience again.   Leaving the care of the baby to someone else in the household.   My son's brother lives there and his father.   His father is the one to care for the baby.  My son has to be to work at 5am in the morning.  
Lately she has been under the influence and while under the influence she has been threatening him about taking the baby away to where her family lives.   Her going with the baby.  Leaving all together.   Her mother also during a phone conversation told my son that she could file and get custody of the baby also.   I am the other grandma and I am already prepared to take over custody if I need to do so.  But would like my son to have custody if allowed.
The girl has other children that she has already lost in court to their father.  He has custody and she does not ever attempt to see them.  He will not let her, she does not have visitation rights to see her children.   This has been an ongoing problem for years.  
My son and I both believe that at the end of September 2005, it is possible that when her family visits she is planning on taking the baby and going back with them.   They are flying this visit, which means she will be flying back with them should this be the situation.
We need advice as to what to do... what I am concerned about, is who has custodial custody when the two are not married, but they live in the same home.   His name is on birth certificate, and she has the fathers last name?  
We are really not looking to stir up any trouble if we do not have to.   But at the same time, we are not willing to give her up...

[joni]

generally speaking, if the parents were never married, sole custody is automatically awarded to the mother.

I would file for custody based on child endangerment and the past history of this mom with the other children.  don't file and file to deny mom everything.  file for sole custodian with supervised visitation and drug/alcohol testing for mom.  

it reflects better on dad if he acts in his child's best interest and is flexible and open minded to mom getting better.  it's a gender bias against men typically in family court.

[MeMaw]

I have a friend who just went through a divorce and she got custody of her children.  She wanted supervised visits and she was told Missouri does not do supervised visits anymore due to lack of funding.  
I was also thinking about what you said.   That my son should seek custody of the baby, still allow the mother to be around.   I agree with the testing and never thought of that one.   That one sounds great.  

My other question would be then.   Even though both has signed paternity papers to give my grandaughter his last name.   That means nothing?   Or does he have rights too.  Which a lawyer will tell me he does.   I know the system to be different than what a lawyer will tell you.   The system is what we are up against, and I know that.  

thanks for answering

[MYSONSDAD]

My bro just finished with something very close to what your son is dealing with.

He established his caregiving to the child. Document everything. Does he go to the doctor appointments? Keep a paper trail.

Has your son had a paternity test? There are several really good ones out there. Some do it in 48 hours, cotton swab to the mouth. Once he establishes paternity, proving he is also a caregiver to the child, he can go from there and fight for his rights. He could petition the court for a TRO to keep her from moving with the child.

I would get a videocamera and tape her drunkness, get witnesses and show the child in the home when she is in this state. Apparently the bottle is more important then her own child.

Cover your butt anyway you can. Prove paternity, prove her to be unstable and a risk to her child. Take the steps now, even if things work out without a battle, you can have this for your back pocket. Plan B, if you will....




"Children learn what they live"

[joni]

sure he has rights, the right to visitation, the right to pay child support to the mom.

probably no legal right tho as MANY states, such as Illinois, if they weren't married, mom has sole legal and physical custody.  perhaps Missouri is different.