talking about alienation to the child

[Samson2005]

from experience and the reading i have done, it creates a stressful environment for a child to talk much about how much you miss them.  no matter how much you feel it, you should try to refrain from telling about how stressful the situation is for you.  say you miss her once in the conversation. If stress appears to be a major factor, it stresses her.  

i guess that adults are supposed to be able to turn it off and on like a light no matter what hand we are dealt.

it would be an easy job to take money away from millionaires and then tell them that they will be fined if they act upset.

[BelleMere]

Of course you can and should tell a child that you miss and love them and want to see them . . . . but there are healthy ways to do that, and unhealthy ways. As the adults, it really is our burden to bare . . . this is not the child's fault, the divorce or separation. The people I have seen who are UNhealthy in telling a child they miss them do things like "Honey, Mommy misses you so much I go to sleep crying every night" or "The days are so empty without you, I can barely function" or they burst into tears every time they have to separate . . or they give the kid a cellphone and tell the kid to call several times a day . . . or they go and get a hotel room close to where the child is visiting the other parent and the child KNOWS they are there, waiting on them . . . basically making it the child's responsibility to keep Mommy (or Daddy) happy. Well, of course parents miss their kids when they aren't there - it would be abnormal not to. It's just not a child's job to make parents happy - EVER - even in intact families. And they are powerless anyway - no matter how badly they feel that the parent is missing them, they usually can't get in the car and drive over and make things better. In fact, in many situations, they can't even TALK about how much they worry about the other parent's wellbeing (and how sad is THAT?) So why burden your kid with feeling they have a job to do takign care of you but that they can't do it? So, you know, at the end of a conversation on the phone it's ok to tell them you miss and love them (they need to hear that they do matter to you), but without making them feel like your life is an empty aching hole only they can fill (even if it feels that way sometimes - don't tell them!).  

[MYSONSDAD]

I think children need the security of knowing they are loved, missed and thought of. Keeping your time upbeat, enjoying shared interests, sometimes, actions speak loader then words. A child needs to know how much their loved. Sharing how it is a distressing situation, is never good.

Here is a site that will help with ideas on how to handle childrens emotions and alientationg behaviors.

http://www.fathers.com/


"Children learn what they live"