lost and confused

[axr6089]

 I am sitting here in a world of heart. On december 6th I climed into bed next to my wife. she ( like she alway did ) was wairing her cell phone around her neck on a lanyard and it was blinking indicating a txt message. she was sound asleep and couriosity got the best of me. I slowly reached over and opened the phone and read " well my eyes are closing babe, I will call you tomarrow when he leaves" that was when she woke up and asked what the hell I was doing, I then asked about the message and she said it was her brother. I managed to get the phone of the lanyard and continued to look through it. I found pictures of her and a guy sitting cuddled up on my couch in my living room. to make a long storie short we got into a tugawar over the phone and it broke. I then left. she showed up at my fathers house demanding I give her my phone I refused and she went to the pay phone and called the cops. we both now have court dates for domestic violence.
   Later that week she and I signed and noterized a marital seperation agreement stipulating she would not take the kids out of state with out my permition. I did not get it filed because we had been talking and I thought there might be a chance for repair. on the 16th I tried to call her all day and only got the voice mail. at around 4 pm she finally awnsered and I ask if I could come over to talk. she then told me "I'm not there" she caught a plain early that morning and flew to connecticut. I have since discovered that she has been having this affair for close to 6 mo. she had gotten im a cell phone on her account and told me  it was for her brother. a bill which I had been paying. I have learned that this all started on the internet and that he had moved down here from indiana mounths ago. he is 20 years old , dosn't have a job or anything to offer, but she has chosen to take him with her to connecticut.  All I want is my kids back in the state where I can have a relationship. I have a 7 year old daughter and a 14 mounth old sone. I have talked to my daughter and told her I love her and miss her but I am so afraid my son will never know me. that monday I filed for divorce but due to the holidays I can not get intouch with my lawer. Hope to have some rights to atleast get the kids back here so I can see them

[dipper]

Have you posted to Soc about this...just follow the forum guidelines when you do that.  Give facts and specific questions for his response.

I am not even going to attempt to give you advice as I think you are in such a vulnerable situation right now.

I wish you the best - I know its rough when your whole world crashes so suddenly.  Your children must be so confused right now....

[gipsy]

Agreed ask Soc , I Will give you this input , I  Am really sure she will have to come back , Because the divorce has to take place where you have been living for X amount of time , I would ask questions that have to do with  Making the divorce decree and or temp orders say you will have the primary residence as she abondoned it or left or what ever , And Ask what can be done to get the kids back or if you can file the order any way ,And or if you just file the divorce / Temp orders . Then follow through with a default order , The reason I say this is I filed a default order , With out an atty , But with the advice of an atty ,She had to be here to answer that , And had to appear at the court I filed it at , And she had to get an atty from this area , It Makes it so she has to hire an atty and pay a retainer and will tie up her money with an atty in that court , Then she would have to fight for change of venue , But as was posted earlier you really need to get a decent atty , Mostly what I did on My own wasn't done well enough , And there is a temporary parenting plan , and a proposed division of property , And don't get all wackey about the domestic violence deal the court hands out protection orders , Becuase they have been sued for not doing it , But you will have to get some thing in there that will allow the transfer of the children in spite of the domestice violence issue , Also ask about if you should take a Anger management class , As you can complete this and the court will look upon you better if you do this and they seem to think it is good ,
  And remmember this is going to be hard , painfull etc etc , Try  your best to not do any thing mean angry , menacing or other wise , It sounds that you will be wanting to get it done ASAP , I found that there was never any thing used against me , Because I did not do any thing , But My reaction to all of this was used against me , Take head to this warning , If she tried the Domestice violence fileing BS, She will be likely to play that card to the court , And you need to not feed any of this and be a gentleman , Keep posting , And if you already hired an atty , good luck , If not , interview many like 10 or so , Any try to get who talks of the case in terms of the legal Issue's All the other stuff is irrelevant . BE COOL ! You will get through this ,. I am Done , I see my son , But the process is hard , But it doesn't have to be .

[axr6089]

I am going to my first consoltation today.$150 bucks, and I know that dosen't sound like much, but I am scaired I will not have the money to retain. she has her rich gandparents to pay all her legal fees. anyway I do have a question for anyone who can help. I am tempted to plea no contest and take a class but I am afraid it will look bad for custody. I think I should fight it all the way because I did nothing wrong. also I heard through the vine that she has a lawer who is going to file a motion to let her stay in ct due to abuse but there was never any. I am told she will have to prove it, but its been 2 and half weeks since I have seen my kids. she dosent let them call and I only get to talk to them when there at my mother inlaws, which is very rear. and when it comes to my son, I can't even talk. I feel them slipping away and I am so afraid that he wont remember me. also how dose a default order work, thanks

[gipsy]

Take my advice with the Idea in mind that I am not an atty,
   I believe this site has some advice about domestic violence charges , I would read through .
   You can go to the search menue and type in domestic violence , Or abuse charges , or any variety
  My two cents are this . If its your word against hers than deny it ,
   In case you don't find the answers in this site , I believe it say's DON'T be tempted to plea to any thing , Because it will damage your case . and will be used against you , it will not help you see your children at all .
  My advice about atty's is , Keep calling and find ones that don't charge for the initial consultation . In Wash state . There are atty's that don't charge for that initial consultation , . I strongly advise you read atty selection on this site . Also in the drop down menue ,
  If things are as you say and you did not assault her , then she has to prove it , In My m,ind if there is no witness or evidence . then remmember if you admit to any thing she  will have more legal reasons to keep the kids from you ;
    You need to post this on Socrateaser's board , Just do it ! If there are criminal charges he will let you email him .
   My psycho made a domestic violence charge ,  No one was arrested , adn there was no evidence , And I will tell you it was pretty equall . And there was no injury ,  I denied it all and . the commissioner gave her the restraining order , And thats probably what will happen to you no matter if you did it or not , The differnce is she will use a no contest or guilty plea against you when you ty to file a parenting plan and this is better avoided ,
  Secondly you need legal advice at least before you even go talking about entering a no contest plea . and what the results of that will be , And you need to ask more than one atty, in the area , there are good atty's and bad atty's . And right now you don't even need a great atty , You just need one that has done a lot of family law . And when you interview ask if they have dealt with these allegations .
  Here in wash state The allegations are like a standard of proceedure ,
  It has even reversed a bit , it has been miss used so much that some judges or commissioners look as if they are falling asleep at the wheel when this is brought up at court , Unless there is direct testimony indicatiing you
   So then you also have to know what you are going to , If you are going to DV court and there is going to be a commissioner or a judge , If a commissioner it's kind of a dog and pony show ,
  If it's a real judge then some one is pressing charges , And there should be like evidence , Like she was hospitalised , and there is a police report that say;s  some one saw you doing the assault , If there is no such evidence , then get a grip on your self and deny the charge , I have not seen you write any info that say's there is eveidence entered or a police report or arrest or any thing ,Again get a grip I don't think a tug of war over the cell phone is Domestic violence ,
    Again  don't go plea to any thing As this will be difficult to deal with when getting the parenting plan together , Remmember what ever you tell your atty as : Atty Client privelage , And no one else has to know ,
   This is not like you think it will be , You need to post this on Soc's board Because you next mode of action may be to file the Notarised agreement , But I think she will have to be there at the court for the judge to see it , But you need to ask Soc ;
    Settle down this is tough , And Hard to take , But you need legal advice before you do any thing , I really think if you ask Soc before talking to an atty you will be able to use Soc's info as a Guage of what your atty tells you . Don't get sucked into hireing the atyy because you gave him $150. I would even say cancel that and get some free consultation in a hurry . Post On Socs board pronto , And number your questions .
    My suugestion is tell you basic story and it should looklike this
   1 Soc , Should I plead not contest ?
  2 Should I file the notarized agreement
  3 what is my standing to get the divorce filed in this county or court etc ,
   4 Should I get My divorce petition started now before she does elswhere
   
 I file my own pettition for divorce , You can do it  just to get it filed , But I would at least use a parralegal , they are in the phone book ..
    thats the best I can tell you . I hope my post really just helps you with clarifying questions you will be asking an atty ,

[axr6089]

 I went to see atty. he is in a tight nit of my fam I found out today which is why my dad presured me to go see him. he turned out to be really easy to talk to and knows how to handle this case. I feel so much better about my situation and had a big meal for the first time in 2 weeks. all I can say is the ball is rolling and it looks really good. the advice on the DV was good and thanks. no way did I do anything and am not going to plea it out, I will fight it and stick with not guilty. to clearify she did not file DV against me the state did and against her too. she has a cort date next week. there is a police report and she even admitted to hitting me in it. my lawyer made me feel confident I have a really good case, between the noterized doc, her mental health issues, the infadelity and how it has alienated my daughter against me, and a slew of other small thing that all add up. keep your finger crossed for me and say a prayer as I do for all us father out there that only care for the best for their kids, and thanks for all the responce. it has helped. I will post updates and continue to read the bords

god bless

[dipper]

Just wondering....have many of you been accused of domestic violence as a weapon against you?  My dh went through that...when he and his ex split, she drove to the police station with a friend and charged dh with abuse...saying he hit her - even had a small spot under her eye as proof.    (the friend probably obliged with that)

However, at the time their oldest son was 15 and had witnessed the dispute between his parents.  He told her that his dad never touched her and he would go to court and state that....of course, she then would not go to court and lie under oath...

[gipsy]

Absolutely ; The problem is , The result was more in the form of atty's making money , And creation of drama , there doesn't seem to be a negative result to the false accuser , And it wasn't even brought up at the real trial , Except my atty tried to use it to affect a change of custody ,

[wysiwyg]

In our case the BM got a "kick out order" forcing removal of BF from the marital residence on the "fear of abuse".  Once the hearing got to court after BM continued it for over a year, she admitted to the court the BF never laid a hand on her and under questioning admitted that she was the abusive one, yet she got the order, forced BF our of his home, got custody of the child and ultimately the home, all the while BF had to start over again in an apartment with NOTHING as she would not even give him a pillow or a shower curtain.  When I met him he was using a sneaker for a pillow!

After that we endured stalking that ended up with her running us off the road (all cases documented by the court) and several false police allegations like child neglect and holding the child hostage.  The courts never did a thing about any of this.