Getting Ready To Give Up !!

[SMLoyal]

>... When she would go off, he
>would quietly ask her if there was anything she needed to tell
>him about the children. She would just scream louder, so he
>would say good-bye, get in the car & drive away, leaving her
>screaming in the parking lot.
>
>It took about 5 or 6 weeks but eventually she realized that
>nothing she said could provoke him to fight & she stopped.


This is excellent advice! I'm not a therapist yet (and wasn't even in school when husband and I met), but I used this advice on  my husband. When I met him, they would still have screaming fights. On the phone, I could hear her clear as a bell from a totally different room in the house. It was rediculous! I had to put my foot down and tell my husband that he is *NOT* to raise his voice at her, he is *NOT* to call her names, he is *NOT* to bait her or respond to her bait. It was like when he talked to her he turned into an irrational goon!

He was to keep the discussion about step-daughter only. If she goes off, hang up. Seriously. I made him hang up on her. I also made him hang up if HE started to yell or bait. At first it pissed her off, but then she realized that she couldn't manipulate him anymore, she was not in control of him (it was one of those, "I don't want you, but you have to keep wanting me and doing what I say" relationships). THAT sent her into a spin that led to my husband not seeing his daughter for a year until we took her to court for contempt.

Now she's remarried, we suspect medicated from passing comments from her and step-daughter, and on her 2nd kid by new husband (who seems to be a pretty ok guy so far). She is a LOT more mellow, and we don't have to worry about screaming fights anymore. AND we see step-daughter pretty regularly, although my husband is still afraid to fix the visitation as she verbally agreed to (some holiday alterations), or to file for joint legal without changing primary physical.