Is All Hope Lost?

[lateralus73]

I have only known about this site for about 3 days now, and have spent countless hours perusing the message boards and articles. I have found a wealth of information, but see a discouraging trend. It appears that as a father, you need to have a lot of money on hand if you want to change your situation with your children. I have been completely screwed by the system and my ex simply because I cannot afford a private attorney. When we were finally divorced 2 years ago after 10 years of marriage (almost 8 years of on again/off again separation), she had her side of the case handled by a boyfriend (pronounced bed-buddy #35) working for The Public Law Center in CA. The only paperwork I ever received was sent to an old address in FL where my mother still resided. She had to send me the paperwork to sign and return to the PLC. There was a form letter attached stating to call a number with any questions or for information. I called and they were pretty helpful in walking me through what parts to sign and return. They said they since they were a legal aid center with various attorneys that I could be kept informed of the progress via a separate attorney from the one my ex had, although they could not represent me in the matter. After the paperwork was sent in (it was the initial paperwork) I waited a few weeks and then called them back. They said they would contact me via mail. A few days later I received a letter from them stating that it would be a conflict of interest for them to have further contact.
Our divorce was final on Aug. 10th 2004. I know this because I received another message from my mother stating that she had received a letter at her address from the Lamoreaux Justice Center. I had her open it, it just said that the proceedings would be held on that date (2 days away).
Fast forward to now, don't wanna ramble too much. To this day I have never seen my final divorce decree nor do I have any idea where she has moved to with my children. I never even had a case number for the divorce until I followed the advice of a fellow SPARC member yesterday and called the County Recorder's office. I always called the child support office as it was the only place I knew of. I explained my plight to a very kind and understanding woman named Marie. She explained she could go ahead and give me my case number by searching for my SSN, even though she said she wasn't really allowed to do so. She gave me my case number and all the information I need to send for a copy of the decree. She told me how many pages it was, and said to send the request to her attention and she would send it to me and waive the fee of $19.50. God bless her.
Once I get this in my hands I will be able to see how badly I was screwed. I have not seen my children in 6 years. No phone calls, no letters, no pictures, nothing. I found out my ex's cell # last year and called and left a message. She returned the call and basically told me to f off. She said she and the kids were better off without me and to just go on living as if they don't exist. I told her I wasn't concerned about her, just the children. She hung up after a few minutes of begging on my behalf and had the # changed the next day.
My problem is this...I will have the information I need but I cannot afford an attorney to help with the matter. My credit is in shambles. I cannot get a loan, I have no credit cards. My next option is bankruptcy. All I want is to see my children. I assume my rights have not been terminated because I still pay support every month. So I should have the right to see them. What action can I take myself if the divorce decree states that I am to have no visitation? I really need some advice, I am going insane. I love my children so much, but I don't have the means to pay someone a lot of money. Any suggestions???

[glessen]

I know when I was pro se with my ex I petiton the courts for a moditfication(sp?) of visititions. The only problem is I am a women. But I can feel for you my husband has a b---- as an ex wife and because he has outdoor plumbing he gets screwed everytime he walks into the court room.

[glessen]

I know when I was pro se with my ex I petiton the courts for a moditfication(sp?) of visititions. The only problem is I am a women. But I can feel for you my husband has a b---- as an ex wife and because he has outdoor plumbing he gets screwed everytime he walks into the court room.

[VeronicaGia]

First off, what state are you in?  

You are going to need to have some understanding of your states laws regarding support, visitation, custody and divorce.  You are going to have to find court forms, find how to fill them out, file them and serve them yourself.  

Rights and obligations are two separate issues.  Your rights to see your children, be advised of their doctors appointments, etc may or may not still exist.  Your obligation to pay child support is a separate issue.  Losing the right to see your kids may not mean that your obligation to support them is gone.

[lateralus73]

I have only known about this site for about 3 days now, and have spent countless hours perusing the message boards and articles. I have found a wealth of information, but see a discouraging trend. It appears that as a father, you need to have a lot of money on hand if you want to change your situation with your children. I have been completely screwed by the system and my ex simply because I cannot afford a private attorney. When we were finally divorced 2 years ago after 10 years of marriage (almost 8 years of on again/off again separation), she had her side of the case handled by a boyfriend (pronounced bed-buddy #35) working for The Public Law Center in CA. The only paperwork I ever received was sent to an old address in FL where my mother still resided. She had to send me the paperwork to sign and return to the PLC. There was a form letter attached stating to call a number with any questions or for information. I called and they were pretty helpful in walking me through what parts to sign and return. They said they since they were a legal aid center with various attorneys that I could be kept informed of the progress via a separate attorney from the one my ex had, although they could not represent me in the matter. After the paperwork was sent in (it was the initial paperwork) I waited a few weeks and then called them back. They said they would contact me via mail. A few days later I received a letter from them stating that it would be a conflict of interest for them to have further contact.
Our divorce was final on Aug. 10th 2004. I know this because I received another message from my mother stating that she had received a letter at her address from the Lamoreaux Justice Center. I had her open it, it just said that the proceedings would be held on that date (2 days away).
Fast forward to now, don't wanna ramble too much. To this day I have never seen my final divorce decree nor do I have any idea where she has moved to with my children. I never even had a case number for the divorce until I followed the advice of a fellow SPARC member yesterday and called the County Recorder's office. I always called the child support office as it was the only place I knew of. I explained my plight to a very kind and understanding woman named Marie. She explained she could go ahead and give me my case number by searching for my SSN, even though she said she wasn't really allowed to do so. She gave me my case number and all the information I need to send for a copy of the decree. She told me how many pages it was, and said to send the request to her attention and she would send it to me and waive the fee of $19.50. God bless her.
Once I get this in my hands I will be able to see how badly I was screwed. I have not seen my children in 6 years. No phone calls, no letters, no pictures, nothing. I found out my ex's cell # last year and called and left a message. She returned the call and basically told me to f off. She said she and the kids were better off without me and to just go on living as if they don't exist. I told her I wasn't concerned about her, just the children. She hung up after a few minutes of begging on my behalf and had the # changed the next day.
My problem is this...I will have the information I need but I cannot afford an attorney to help with the matter. My credit is in shambles. I cannot get a loan, I have no credit cards. My next option is bankruptcy. All I want is to see my children. I assume my rights have not been terminated because I still pay support every month. So I should have the right to see them. What action can I take myself if the divorce decree states that I am to have no visitation? I really need some advice, I am going insane. I love my children so much, but I don't have the means to pay someone a lot of money. Any suggestions???

[glessen]

I know when I was pro se with my ex I petiton the courts for a moditfication(sp?) of visititions. The only problem is I am a women. But I can feel for you my husband has a b---- as an ex wife and because he has outdoor plumbing he gets screwed everytime he walks into the court room.

[glessen]

I know when I was pro se with my ex I petiton the courts for a moditfication(sp?) of visititions. The only problem is I am a women. But I can feel for you my husband has a b---- as an ex wife and because he has outdoor plumbing he gets screwed everytime he walks into the court room.

[VeronicaGia]

First off, what state are you in?  

You are going to need to have some understanding of your states laws regarding support, visitation, custody and divorce.  You are going to have to find court forms, find how to fill them out, file them and serve them yourself.  

Rights and obligations are two separate issues.  Your rights to see your children, be advised of their doctors appointments, etc may or may not still exist.  Your obligation to pay child support is a separate issue.  Losing the right to see your kids may not mean that your obligation to support them is gone.

[lateralus73]

I live in Indiana, my kids live in California. I have found some forms, but I am not sure what ones I need to fill out. I want to be able to see them, I have no problem whatsoever paying my support. I would pay a million dollars a week if I could. I just want to see them, and my ex has continually moved and now I don't have a clue where they are. I am getting a copy of my divorce decree to find out what was put in it. Once I get that I will know which way to go. I am just not sure which forms I will have to fill out once I find out what the visitation section contains. Once I get the decree I will post the info and see if anyone has any advice. Thanks to all for your comments and suggestions thus far.

[Ref]

You really need to wait to see what rights you do have first. I know how hard it is to wait one more minute after all these years, but you don't have much of a choice.

I suggest in the mean time reading books like Divorce Poison. I also suggest reading up on California Family Law. You may have to represent yourself, so you better start educating yourself.

To find your ex, you can go to zabasearch.com. It is really helpful. For now, I suggest not contacting her until you determine what the papers say and can serve her, otherwise she may pick-up and move again.

You will more than likely have to file for modification of visitation as a first course of action. Read up on that.

Good luck with everything
ref