Mom trying to move kids out of state- Dad says NO WAY! Long Post but PLEASE HELP!

[KathyNY]

Yes, please keep me updated, and good luck!  It really sucks for good dads that the system is already agains them because not only has society typically ruled in favor of the mom, but there are so many dead beat dads out there giving good dads a bad name!

Luckily in our case BM has an older daughter who's father is also fighting, and his petition was granted yesterday.  His court date is August 18th so BM can't leave for Illinois now until after that date- she was planning on leaving August 5th.  We go to court on Monday and while we have a good case, I'm terrified.  This other father says he has never won against BM- we've never gone to court against her, everything's been pretty civil up until now.  

Again, good luck and keep me posted.  Thanks.

[kaylene99]

Good luck on Monday and I'll definitely keep you guys in my prayers.  Just remember to keep the FOCUS on the children and show that you are trying to preserve/maintain the status quo.  Outside of that, if ex-wife can't prove (and, yes, she has the burden of proof here) that this move will be SO MUCH BETTER for the kids' life and WILL NOT NEGATIVELY IMPACT their father's access to them and vice versa, then your case should be a no-brainer.  Hopefully, you'll get a FAIR judge who will preside for the kids' best interests.

[KathyNY]

Thanks.  Yeah, we're definitely going to stay positive towards the kids and not focus on their mom.  The last thing we want to do is bad mouth her or anything like that- that will just make us look bad.  We honestly want to keep everything the way it is!  We don't want anything to change!  Well, my fiance would LOVE to get full custody, but, for the kids' sake, so as not to disrupt their lives any further, we just want the judge to rule that their mom can't move them out of the state.  Then, as long as she decides not to move herself, she can keep physical custody.  We're still going to file a motion to have their separation agreement amended to joint custody (she has "sole legal" right now) and if she chooses to move to Illinois after all, we get custody anyway.

The other dad involved and his wife think we're going to walk into court on Monday and we're just going to win; the ex thinks she's going to walk out of there with the okay to move; I have a strong feeling we'll be told that the court wants to "evaluate" the situation, maybe assign a Guardian Ad Litem to the kids, do home evaluations, etc. and the whole thing will be dragged out.  While that may benefit us because we have absolutely nothing to hide, and any "investigating" will only furthur prove just how involved we are w/ the kids, and it may keep them in town that much longer, we just want the stress to end!  

Thanks again for your replies.  This situation is stressful enough, especially since I was trying to plan our wedding, and I had to go to the hospital last night to say "goodbye" to an elderly aunt who we don't think will be around much longer.  What an awful summer this has turned out to be.

[Mamacass]

My husband and I are currently at the beginning of the same battle.  we live in Virginia, and his ex-wife is currently planning on moving to NC.  so we definitely sympathize.  She doesn't work (is on disabiltiy) and says she's moving to get a fresh start.  It's weird how she needs to make her fresh start  in the same town her boyfriend is moving to.  I feel pretty confidant about our case, and have read as much as could find relevant to relocation cases in Virginia.  I've compared schools that my stepson would attend, and hers is comparable to ours.  All of his extended family is here, and we have always provided the stable family environment for him.  Since she doesn't work, she can't prove an economic inprovement.  Also, we've always been very involved in my stpeson's life,.  Still there are no guarantees, so we're stressing a little.  We'll keep you in our prayers, and ask you to keep us in yours.  I'm sorry that you're in the same boat as us, but it helps to know we're not alone.  

[KathyNY]

Yes, I will keep you in my thoughts.  My best advice is documentation.  I have compiled so much stuff, mostly my own lists of "Examples of father's involvement in children's lives" and "Child Care Arrangements" (I covered every possible scenario from no school days to when my fiance is working days or nights, to if the regular babysitter isn't available, done to the times we'd pick up).  Even if our attorney doesn't get to use any of it in court, it makes me feel like I'm doing something useful.  Plus, our lawyer seemed surprised when I knew about the NY cases that they'll reference in court, even the cases that had outcomes not in our favor.  I've done so much research!

We had our "first appearance" in family court this morning, and his ex seemed like she honestly thought she'd walk in there and leave having "won" and would be able to move to Illinois this weekend.  The "referee" (it's not a judge) told her we're not in trial yet, he's only holding up the judge's petition stating she can't take the kids out of the state, but she's free to go! And if she does go, the kids go to their father!  We go back on the 10th, after the kids meet with a law guardian (who is an old friend of my parent's, but if BM takes the kids to the appt. we won't get to tell him this- it may not affect it one way or the other, but I'm willing to try!)  BM left their ticked off, never spoke 2 words to us the entire time.  The next court date got bumped up to the 10th from the 22nd cuz BM's mom was there and complained that the kids are due to start school (in Illinois) on the 23rd.  But then the referee pointed out that if we go to trial, that will run way past the beginning of school in either state!  His tone of voice was very demeaning towards BM the entire time, and when he told her she was free to leave, but the kids weren't, he even flipped his hand at her, said "Go!  But they don't leave!"  We feel much better now.  Even though BM can get an attorney now and will have time to prepare before a trial, we're way ahead of her.  
So don't lose faith- keep fighting!  There's still hope for all of us!