What do I do

[kingkenny338]

The mother of my son has decided after 15 years that she is a lesbian and wants to take my son to another town and be raised by herself and her new friend of 6 months.  He wants nothing to do with it and wants to stay with me, however he is only 9 and has probably no say in it.

She refuses to let him call me more than once a day when he is at her place and limits his calls to no more that 15 minutes.  She takes the phone from him and hangs up.  She does things in front of him with her friend that no 9 year should see and then asks me about it.  He continually acts out when he is there and resists going to see her except on weekends.

I tried to keep him in his same schedule that he was accustomed to and was denied by the courts.  He now has to drive 35 minutes to school half of the week when he is at her place.  He hates it and wants me to do something about it.

My last attorney had me do some things that I later found out to be incorrect, I and my son have suffered the consequences because of it.  I need some advice on how to find a qualified and honest lawyer that will hepl protect my son.  Please help.

[notnew]

If your previous attorney misrepresented you, then you may have grounds to file a complaint with the attorney grievance commission.

Depending on custody, she may or may not have the right to move away.

Changing your sexual preference is in my opinion, a huge change in material circumstances. You may be able to file for a motion to change custody based on the best interests of the child not being served (not just sexual preference (not judging her it's her choice, but should not be openly displayed in front of child), but, also moving upsets child's routine, etc.

You should get the child into counseling immediately.

In the least, have the school guidance counselor speak with the child.

I highly suggest posting your case on the Dear Socrateaser forum on this site. Read and follow the posted mandatory guidelines and see what soc has to say. He will be able to put you in the right direction.

Keep us posted. I am sorry you and your child are going through this.

[mistoffolees]

One thing to watch out for (and getting a competent attorney is the first step) - in many states (perhaps even most), sexual preference is not a factor that may legally be considered in awarding custody. You could (and maybe even should) bring it up, but don't make it the focus of your case. I would focus more on the other issues. For example, you weren't very specific about things she did in front of your son, but if she's openly sexual in front of your son, that would be worth addressing. OTOH, if she's merely kissing her partner or holding hands, you might not be able to make a case.

I would agree with the above poster, but just be careful. You want to come across as supportive (of the child) and putting the child's interests first. Like it or not, continued contact with the mother is of benefit to the child in most cases.

Also, please examine your own conscience in this matter. Are you SURE that you're driven by what's best for your son? For example, given my daughter's schedule, a 15 minute phone call every night is a big chunk of her free time (after you subtract homework, activities, eating, bath time, etc). While simply hanging up is rude, I don't personally see 15 minutes a night as being all that restrictive. I also don't see a 35 minute drive as being that big a deal - my daughter has a 30 minute drive each way to school every day regardless of which parent she's with.

Try to consider both sides of the issue - even if you decide that you ARE going to make an issue of it, it will make your position stronger.

[kingkenny338]

It's not that she wants to persue this lifestyle that is the problem.  If she wants to do it then do it, don't force our son to move away from his friends and family just for her own selfish reasons.  She agreed when she left that if he didn't want to go to another town she would stay close, but now she is in love and wants leave with him.  He doesn't want this and has told her so.  She would have nobody, except for her friend, to take care of him while she works 12 hour shifts. She hasn't thought of what is best for him and that bothers me.

Another thing that bothers me is that she bought a house to look like she is staying in the area only as an illusion.  She can't afford the house and is having her friend pay for the majority of it and her bills.  She has only known this person for 5 months that she meet on the internet and has bought a house with them.  Where do the kids live when they break up and this other person wants their money back.  Not to mention she is having this person pay for her attorney fees also.  She hasn't worked in 3 months since she wrecked her street bike.  I just don't see how she can be considered a stable person that can be responsible for the well being of our son.

The driving issue doesn't seem like a big deal until you consider that he has been at his present school for the past three years and it only takes 5 minutes to get to school.  She now lives in a town almost 30 miles away and this is only the first step into ultimately taking him 3 hours away if she gets custody.  He likes where he lives now and has no interest in moving, especially without me.  We have always done everything together.  If he was going something with Mon and I went out to the garage he dropped her like a hot potato.  All summer long before she got hurt she only wanted to do something if it suited her schedule or she drug him along on shopping trips with her friend.

I just get frustrated that she is not concered with his well being and is forcing her lifestyle change on him.  Let him be the kid he has always been in the same town he was born in.  Don't force him to leave only to go to a town that is more receptive to her new lifestyle.  Please, lets try to put the kids first for a change.  The court system seems to be biased towards her at this point.  I have raised and spend more time with him that she ever has.  She works 12 hour shifts and goes to school full time.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who has been doing his homework and putting him in bed for the past 9 yearswhen she wasn't around.  Give a father an equal chance to prove that he can raise a child just as a woman is permitted to.