Opinions Please

[KKJ995]

My SS had not seen his kids for about a week and a half, GF wouldn't let him see them.  She had been text messaging him, mainly mean comments during this time.  Yesterday She calls him and says the youngest has a Dr. appt and she has to work and won't have time to take the child back to daycare after appt.  So she wanted him to go to Dr. appt with her and then keep the child until she got off work.  During the Dr. appt she asked the Dr. for documentation that she had been present with kids for every visit.  The Dr. asked why and she said she needed it for her lawyers.
When she picked the child up last night she agreed to let SS have his two kids ALL WEEK next week, but not on Sunday as she wanted them in church, she has never attended to church in the past.
Then she asked if SS would take the oldest who is not his and he said no.  His dad and I think he should take the oldest as he has been a part of her life since she was 3-4 months old.
I am leary of all this.  What do you think is going on?  
Any opinions?

Thanks

[Ref]

If she can show that she is the one taking the child to the Dr, daycare, feeding, bathing etc... then she is more likely to be the primary custodial parent.

The church thing is probably for court as well. She wants to look like the better parent, to get the upperhand in a custody hearing.

He needs to document everything. He needs to have irrefutable proof of all the time he spends with the kids and all the $ he spends on them. (receipts, pictures, travel receipts...)He also needs to spend as much time with his kids as he can right now. It is in his best interest to do the same thing, in as much as he can. Take the kids to daycare, dr, dress them, feed them, clothe them... act like a primary caretaker. The court will try to maintain the status quo, so if your son is already doing things 50% of the time they are more likely to keep it that way.

One of the things that might help him in getting more time is to show that he will continue to allow the other child in his kids' life. A judge might see him as trying to keep the family together by offering to spend some of his time with the other child.

Best wishes
ref

[Sherry1]

and doesn't want the kids around.  I think it is okay if he takes the oldest.  But your stepson needs a blank journal right now and he needs to log every single conversation he has with her and log everything she is doing.  This is what I would do.... If he has the kids next week you need to buy a newspaper every day and have someone take a picture your stepson and all 3 kids with the newspaper in front of him, and then maybe a second shot with a closeup of the date of the paper, or if he has a camcorder make sure to get the date & time he has the kids documented.  My guess is that his ex, when it is court time, will try to get sole custody and base it upon that he is not an involved father, or she will say he is abusive to her and the kids.  If he has proof she has left the kids with him for a length of time this will shoot her requests down.  The proof has to be documented. I hope he meets with a lawyer soon because this is starting to get a little weird with his ex.  Also, with him taking the oldest he can demonstrate to the judge, if need be, that she also leaves this child with him, so he must be a decent guy!

[Sherry1]

nm

[KKJ995]

You two are funny!  LOL!
YOu know I have to admit the only reason I thought he should take the oldest child is to be consistent with her, let her know that she was still a part of his life.  I never gave it a second thought that the judge would look it like that.
I've led a sheltered life! :)

Thank You!

Oh what are your thoughts on this software "OPTIMAL"  Have you used it?  It looks like it would be helpful.

[Ref]

that we have learned to cover our butts this way. I guess thats what happens when you have to defend yoursef constantly......

[KKJ995]

I am or was very lucky and didn't really think about it until this afternoon.  I was divorced 17 years ago and my ex threatened that he would fight for custody.  When it came down to it, I was never once challenged, my parenting skills were NEVER questioned.  
It didn't help matters that he was pulled over for drunk driving with our son in the car and that he had a car accident at 1 or 2 in the morning with our son in the car (fortunately our son was fine) and that I had to call the authorities on him when he got physically abusive with me and he took our son to a bar one weekend, a 4 year old!
But my heart goes out to those of you who are constantly challenged and feel like to have to look over your shoulder all the time.  It is just not right.  It is really sad that some parents feel they just have to 'get even' and use the kids to do so.
When my son was in 2 or 3 grade he came straight out and told me that his dad had no respect for me.  His dad is the one who had the affair.  I feel bad that my son had to grow up so fast, but I tell you what, I am so darn lucky to have him!  He is just wonderful!