Homework

[gemini3]

Whenever I pick my kids up for weekend visitation I ask for their homework so they can work on it at my house.  I'm always told by BM that the homework has been done - but when I talk to their teachers I'm told that homework given over the weekends is late or incomplete.  One teacher sent me an e-mail telling me that the child said that BM wouldn't allow them to take homework to my house because they didn't have time to do it there.

She was using homework as one reason to limit the amount of time I could spend with the kids, but now that we have a court date approaching for a custody hearing she's practically pushing the kids on me in an effort to appear cooperative - but the homework thing is still an issue.

I have talked to her about it several times, and she doesn't budge.  What do you think a judge would say about this?  What about a GAL?  

I'm also worried because she's been SO cooperative for the last six weeks - basically ever since she was served the petitions.  I'm worried that a GAL or judge will look at that and think there aren't any problems, even though I have more than six months of documented interference and alienation.  Anyone else have experience with this?

[williaer]

Can you send her an e-mail referencing all the "issues" that she will respond too? At least you would have some sort of documentation about what she's doing. Seems like the e-mail from the teacher would be a great one to present...at least the kids are telling the truth.

I know what you're saying about the straightening up...we're going through the EXACT same thing with our BM. She just smells the blood in the water and she's become uber mom...whatever. The history speaks for itself. She never sent my DH one e-mail until this month. Never...if asked, she could never produce evidence that she tried to communicate in any way with him.

It all comes out- they are used to this stuff.

[mistoffolees]

How old are the kids?

[Mamacass]

Ask the teachers to email the assignments to you on Fridays.  That way, you know what homework that your kids have and can help them get it done.  If they need a schoolbook to do their homework, just ask them if they have it when you pick them up.  And you can always stop by BM's house to pick up anything they need for their homework that they left at her house.  If she wont' give you the school books, ask the school if you can get extra copies for your house.  Or see if the child has a friend who he can borrow the book from (you of course would offer to pick up the book and drop it back off).
You need to do everything you can to try to get the kids homework, whether BM wants to budge or not.  If you can't get it from her, cut her out of the equation.  
Since Bm wants to play games, you need to come at an angle that makes it difficult for her to keep you from making sure that the kids have their homework done on the weekends.  This way, when you go to court, you show how you had to bend over backwards while BM tried to make things as difficult as possible.  Same game she was playing before, just a now she's doing it while following the court order.  Either way, makes her look bad, and you look good.  

[dipper]

I would send a certified letter to her concerning this matter.  to me, you need proof that you want to help the children with homework.

Because...emails are usually not admissable, so the teachers would need to be present to confirm them.  Also, the fact that the children's homework is late or incomplete after being with you could be held against you.......you need proof that you want to help them and she is blocking you by not allowing them to bring books....

[gemini3]

The kids are young.  I don't want to give too much information here, but they're both under 10 yrs old.  I have proof, and the evaluators are going to talk to the teachers, guidance counselors, etc.  So I'm sure the teacher will tell them the same thing he is telling me.

I have had two conferences with their teachers, a conference with their guidance counselors and with their principles.  I have gotten copies of the school books, but a lot of stuff is journal writing in notebooks, and I don't get the notebooks.  BM is telling them (the school) that she IS giving me the homework and I'm just not doing it.  It's a total bold-faced lie, and she's just doing it to make me look bad.  It's one of many things she's done like this.  It just really torques me that she is hurting the kids schoolwork just to advance her own agenda.

[mistoffolees]

OK. You've answered my question about the kids' ages. If they were older, I was going to recommend having them take some of the responsibility, but there's less a 10 year old can do.

I have a couple of suggestions:

1.  Have another adult there for the transfer to track all the school items that are transferred. If she says that they don't need the notebook and refuses to give it to you but the school says that they DO need it, you want evidence.

2. How about a standard checklist which lists essentially all the items that they might need? She initials the ones she's giving to you each week. Again, if the kids need their English notebook and she didn't give it to you, you'll have some evidence.

3. Item # 2 can be especially effective if the kids have some small role. My 8 YO daughter loves checklists that she can follow. If you have a checklist for the kids and have them responsible for rounding up their books, they very well might be able to do it. If she's actively blocking them, it might be an issue, but if she's just 'forgetting' to send the books, it might work.

4. Ask the teachers if you can (on a temporary) basis start a new notebook for the kids to do their homework when they're with you or do their work on lined paper. That would demonstrate that you're willing to ensure that they do the work and just haven't been given the notebooks.

I don't know if any of this will work, but perhaps it will spark some other ideas.

[gemini3]

Thank you.  I really like the checklist idea.

[mistoffolees]

Glad to help, but don't think those are the only possible solutions. In cases like this, it's important to think outside the box. I'm sure you can come up with some other (perhaps even better) ideas.

[dipper]

"BM is telling them (the school) that she IS giving me the homework and I'm just not doing it. It's a total bold-faced lie, and she's just doing it to make me look bad."

That is what I was worried about.  When bm had custody of ss and decided to move, she had his teacher telling her if he missed an assignment when with dh....that is until he started sending her notes about the assignments missing on her time.  We didnt know this until school was out and ss brought his backpack and left it here for good.

Also, when they did move, we found that he was not doing homework...never did really.  But, dh would ask and ask for him to bring his books.  He told us she would not let him.  So, dh mentioned it to her.

BM said that dh had to sign a paper saying he was responsible for the books before ss could bring them.  He did it....what a psycho.