can someone help me with this issue ?

[william007]

   My name is William. I lived in Florida state from 1996 to 2003.In 2000 to 2001 I was involved in a relationship with a woman named Jessica, we dated about 4-6 months. Our relationship was shorted lived and we split up in 2001. We went our own ways living in Dade county in Florida. I had not heard or seen from this woman until 2006 when I received an email from her. She was saying hello and I said hello back and looking through her profile I noticed that she had a daughter. I was shocked, the child reminded me very much of how I looked as a child. I ask the woman if the little girl was mine, she responded yes. I was in total shock and anger. Why hadn't she contacted me! She claimed she didn't know where to find me, although I had moved from the state in 2003 due to my military enrollment she had 2 years after my daughters birth to find me and even after I moved she knew where my mother lived and I was living with my mother at the time, she knew that I was in town cause she told me that she seen me a year after the baby was born. I submitted to a paternity test and it was confirmed that Im the father of Bryanna. Jessica told me that she was back with her exboyfriend for these last 6 years and that this other man's name was on Bryanna birth certificate, she made this other man believe that it was his daughter, she told me that she knew that it wasnt his because of the way the baby looked that she knew that is was mine because of the blond hair. Jessica was struggling with her relationship and wanted out with her ex and here she comes looking for me In October, 2006, I flew down to Florida from Washington state right after I got out of the military, to my mothers house to get to know and see my daughter, she was about 15-20 minutes away from moms house. We spent a wonderful month together and we have been in constant contact since then. The mother on the other hand has not been to easy to deal with. Her initial request was for money and I understood that she was part my responsibility. When I found this out that I had a daughter I  started sending her weekly money orders to pay for daycare and other things, im giving her $85 per week and I think that more than enough for being on employment at this time. As the year has progressed the mother has not been very helpful. I am planning another trip to visit but she is threatening not to me see my daughter unless I get Bryanna's birth certificate changed to my name and give her more money. Apparently the previous man is threatening to sue Jessica if she doesn't get the situation fixed for fraud. I told her it was her responsibility and that if she tired to prevent me from seeing my daughter that I would sue for custody.

So here is my dilemma,
    1. How do i establish custody from Washington for my child in Florida?
    2. How do I establish child support payments and visitation rights for my child?
    3. Do I get a Florida lawyer or Washington?

Any information, referrals or website that can be provided will be very helpful. I really want to catch up on the last 5 years that i have missed in my daughter life.
thank you,
William

[Jade]

>   My name is . I lived in Florida state from
>1996 to 2003.In 2000 to 2001 I was involved in a relationship
>with a woman named , we dated about 4-6
>months. Our relationship was shorted lived and we split up in
>2001. We went our own ways living in Dade county in Florida. I
>had not heard or seen from this woman until 2006 when I
>received an email from her. She was saying hello and I said
>hello back and looking through her profile I noticed that she
>had a daughter. I was shocked, the child reminded me very much
>of how I looked as a child. I ask the woman if the little girl
>was mine, she responded yes. I was in total shock and anger.
>Why hadn't she contacted me! She claimed she didn't know where
>to find me, although I had moved from the state in 2003 due to
>my military enrollment she had 2 years after my daughters
>birth to find me and even after I moved she knew where my
>mother lived and I was living with my mother at the time, she
>knew that I was in town cause she told me that she seen me a
>year after the baby was born. I submitted to a paternity test
>and it was confirmed that Im the father of .
>told me that she was back with her exboyfriend for these last
>6 years and that this other man's name was on  birth
>certificate, she made this other man believe that it was his
>daughter, she told me that she knew that it wasnt his because
>of the way the baby looked that she knew that is was mine
>because of the blond hair.  was struggling with her
>relationship and wanted out with her ex and here she comes
>looking for me In October, 2006, I flew down to Florida from
>Washington state right after I got out of the military, to my
>mothers house to get to know and see my daughter, she was
>about 15-20 minutes away from moms house. We spent a wonderful
>month together and we have been in constant contact since
>then. The mother on the other hand has not been to easy to
>deal with. Her initial request was for money and I understood
>that she was part my responsibility. When I found this out
>that I had a daughter I  started sending her weekly money
>orders to pay for daycare and other things, im giving her $85
>per week and I think that more than enough for being on
>onemployment at this time. As the year has progressed the
>mother has not been very helpful. I am planning another trip
>to visit but she is threatening not to me see my daughter
>unless I get  birth certificate changed to my name
>and give her more money. Apparently the previous man is
>threatening to sewing Jessica if she doesn't get the situation
>fixed for fraud. I told her it was her responsibility and that
>if she tired to prevent me from seeing my daughter that I
>would sue for custody.
>
>So here is my dilemma,
>    1. How do i establish custody from Washington for my child
>in Florida?
>    2. How do I establish child support payments and
>visitation rights for my child?
>    3. Do I get a Florida lawyer or Washington?
>
>Any information, referrals or website that can be provided
>will be very helpful. I really want to catch up on the last 5
>years that i have missed in my daughter life.
>thank you,
>

You gave out way too much personal information online.  I really do suggests you edit your post and remove all names (especially the last names).

The mother can deny you visitation as long as there isn't a court order spelling out visitation.  I would contact an attorney to see how to go about filing for visitation and getting support set up via the courts (any money you give now can be considered a gift).  I believe that it would be done in the state your daughter lives in.  But I am not an attorney, so I don't know for sure.

[HelpingHands]

Yes remove personal info first.

You would need a Florida attorney, because the child is within their jurisdiction. Also, I am unsure on Florida's laws, but the man listed as her father who has been acting as father may have legal rights and responsibilities as her father.

Quit sending money directly to her, it's considered a 'gift'. The state can come after you for child support, if they wanted to, dating back to her birth(at least in Va they can).

Speak with an experienced attorney in the county she lives in and be sure they are versed in long distance custody/visitation issues.

Good luck!

[Giggles]

I am not a lawyer either...just been through it...You will have to file through FL courts because the child is a resident of that State.

Here is a self help site for FL:  http://www.flcourts.org/gen_public/family/forms_rules/index.shtml

If the mother is not cooperating, you have quite the up-hill battle.  I suggest you STOP giving her money untill you have the "COURT ORDERED" child support amount.  The courts will only view what you are paying as a "gift".  You can however, keep the funds that you would normally give her in an account so once the CS is ordered, you can pay any arrearages straight off.

Do you still have the e-mails stating her reasoning for not letting you know?  You need to start documenting EVERYTHING, every attempted phone call, etc.  If you know the childs address, start corresponding through the mail, over e-mails, etc.  You want to be able to show that you are serious about establishing a relationship with your child.

You can sue all you want for custody, but you wont get it.  The fact is evident that your a "stranger" to your child...sad I know but still reality.

YOur best bet is to try to reach an agreement in regards to Visitation with the BM, be prepared, draw up your own parenting plan (there are examples on this site) and negotiate it with the BM.  A thing to remember is to ask for the world but know what you will settle for.

Also, family courts dont give a rats ass about "emotions".  You may feel things should be a certain way...that's not the way it goes.  They are only interested in the FACTS but not necessarily what is in the "Best interest of the child".  So the fact that the BM never notified you that you have a child is pretty much irrelevant...Depending on the judge and how he views it...he/she may or may not care.  

Welcome to the F'd up world of Family Law...sigh

[Giggles]

Thankfully, the BM cannot go back to DOB...the most she can try for is 24 months and that's pretty iffy.

[Kent]

FYI.....

Do not send her any more money, courts will see it as a gift, and if she files for retroactive child support, then you will have to pay her again.
Instead, put the money in a savings account, so if ever asked, you can show that you are saving to provide for her, and if ordered to pay retroactive, you have money to do that with.

Florida is one of the few states that has passed laws on paternity fraud.
At this moment, the exBF will be required to pay child support - IF she filed/files for it. He will also have full visitation rights.
However, since he knows she's not his child, he can take her to court for paternity fraud, and have his financial responsibilities (and with that his rights) terminated.
At that time the mother could inform authorities who the actual father is, and they will come after you for child support. And then you can hire a FL attorney and take her to court for joint legal custody (which means nothing), and parenting time.

Due to the long distance, your parenting time will be very limited, and likely you will be required to go to FL to exercise your parenting time.

Good luck

[Ref]

DH has been going through long-distance visitation/court for 13 years An I have been with him the whole time. Let me give you some more advice.

1. Get a great Family Law attorney in her county. Preferably one with experience with Father's rights. Interview a few and make sure that they are comfortable with working long distance. I would look here...http://www.martindale.com/

2. Go to the website that the poster above quoted for research.

3. Visitation - Chances are they wont give you custody unless there are some pretty major issues with your ex. This means convicted of violence, DCF issues, massive drug convictions. If you want to research her criminal record, you can go on  http://www.miami-dadeclerk.com/public-records/pubsearch.asp  this page has a basic search for Dade County. You can register and pay a fee for more detailed info.

You should get the standard parenting agreement for the county your daughter is in. You may be able to ask your mom to go to the courthouse and ask the clerk if there is one.

Your attorney should also be able to provide you with this.

Look over the agreement and see what needs to be changed to work with your long distance relationship.

Since SD was 8 or so, the agreement for DH was every other school break, all but the first 2 weeks of summer and the last week of summer, and alternating halves of winter break. He also has any weekend with 7 days notice as long as it is in their county. DH pays travel expenses and BM and DH split unaccompanied minor flight fees. (SD lives in Fl and we live in PA)

4. Child support - DO not send her another dime unless you want to consider it a gift!!! Document EVERYTHING you spent your money on so far and get canceled checks.

You can calculate your likely child support obligation by using a calculator like this one. http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/florida/

You will have to guess on her income and health insurance and daycare costs. My advice is to guess low on the income and high on the insurance and daycare, so you will see a worst case scenerio.

Also, DH got some of the visitation costs deducted from his support without the judge blinking an eye. I know not all judges will do that, but there is supporting case law, so you have a shot.

You have to run all this like a business. Document everything and keep organized. Send your daughter cards and pictures of you and your family and try to see her at least as often as what you are asking for. (you might need to kiss BM's butt for a while). REMEMBER ALWAYS to document. Take pictures of you and your child, send packages through a tracked service like FedEx.....

Do your homework. You need an attorney, but don't depend on them to educate you. You need to educate yourself so that you can direct the attorney.

Good Luck
Ref