New dad in despair..

[lightspeed]

Following the birth of my son, my finacee developed severe post-partum depression and insomnia.  I was caught extremely off-guard by this, and have since assumed a huge role in caring for my new son, i.e. taking nights, taking day shifts when my fiancee has her psychiatry appointments, accompanying the infant to pediatric appointments, etc.  It has all been extremely exhausting, though very endearing.    

I love my fiancee dearly and have stood by her without question, yet unfortunately, the situation has gone from bad to worse.  As my fiancee's condition has begun to "improve" (no insomnia, no severe depressive symptoms) she has become increasingly irrational and paranoid.  I'm so distraught over her instability, that I am fearing she will not be fit to care for our son in the near nor distant future, and I question whether we should wed at all.

Though we are unwed, my son's birth certificate bears my name, he has my surname, and I believe we signed a form establishing my paternity.  Should this situation worsen, I fear I may need to separate from my fiancee and assume custody of my son.  Are there any further steps I may need to take should these fears become reality?  Can fathers such as myself actually win custody?  I would be devastated if my son were to fall into her custody should I pursue this, but I know women usually win custody in CA.  Please help with any advice.

 

[dipper]

Discreetly, go see a lawyer and discuss this issue.  Do it now so that you can have your bases covered.  

I dont know about CA, but here in VA....there is a state lawyer referral line where you can call and they will look up lawyer's in your area that are signed up under them...and will give you a 30 minute session for only $35.....normal fee is $75+ for initial consultation, so it saves money. You may want to google to see if your state has a lawyer referral service if cost is an issue.

[lightspeed]

>Discreetly, go see a lawyer and discuss this issue.  Do it
>now so that you can have your bases covered.  
>
>I dont know about CA, but here in VA....there is a state
>lawyer referral line where you can call and they will look up
>lawyer's in your area that are signed up under them...and will
>give you a 30 minute session for only $35.....normal fee is
>$75+ for initial consultation, so it saves money. You may want
>to google to see if your state has a lawyer referral service
>if cost is an issue.
>
Thank you kindly, I'll definitely look into that.  Can anyone else offer up any advice?  How about the statistics?  Would I just be sacrificing my rights to my own child if I pursue this?  I am losing hope day by day that my situation will improve, and I feel the baby's mother has extremely distorted thoughts.  I need to secure my son's safety and well-being, but I also need to remain part of his life.  Has anyone out there gone through something similar or won custody of their child as a father?  Please give me some hope here.

[LuvMyGirls2]

As my fiancee's condition has begun to "improve"
(no insomnia, no severe depressive symptoms) she has become
increasingly irrational and paranoid.

First you should try to ensure she gets the help she needs.  If she is suffering from paranoia and become irrational it could be the medications I'm sure she was perscribed.  I'm not being mean I applaud you for helping out with the baby, but given you are somewhat going behind her back and plotting custody could be a reason behind her paranoia.  I mean if she is suffering from post parum you can't say she is 100% incompentent as many woman go through this, but it is very possiable the medications used to treat that could cause the paranoia and other symptoms.  Maybe she needs a med change.  If worse comes to worse and she can't care for the child then you should file for custody, but if she is suffering from all these mental illnesses adding to her problems may further worsen them.  Like I said I applaud u for helping out, but if you love her then try to seek further help for her if it fails then proceed.

[lightspeed]

Your point well taken, please understand I love my fiancee dearly... I can't emphasize that point enough.  I'm under an immense amount of duress, and I'm not simply "helping out" with my baby.  I've been here everyday, all day.  Number one.  I'm fearing this situation because she appears better even to her therapist, but I cannot rely from moment to moment on her mood or intentions.  I worry about this because my son will have to depend on her entirely once I return to work, and she won't accept the help my family is trying to offer.  In fact, she has become very adamant against my family's involvement, without warrant.  I am always upfront with my fiancee, I'm simply pursuing this information should I be placed in a position of no resort.  In no way do I see this as an opportunity to make off with son, I want her involved always.  This story is so much more complex than I've indicated, and I understand your assessment is of course warranted given what I've said.  I just need input on what my options may be should the situation worsen.  I'm simply asking for advice.