Feel like we are being set up

[gracelgn]

Hi,
  My fiance and his ex wife have 2 children with joint custody in her care.  We see them biweekly weekends and once a week.  We are dealing with harrassing emails which accuse him of things that he has not done, for example pushing his son down hard, cursing at his son.  Events are twisted, exaggerated, made up.  There is SO much more to this story that I cannot possibly get into but to shorten things up here is the thing that scares me and my questions related to this.  He was issued an emergency  protection order/police came to his place of work to escort him to retrieve his belongings from their home (the start of the divorce proceedings), 2 years ago without any or evidence of abuse (he has looked into this, no one can tell him why he received this) and I am afraid that she is leading up to something serious again.  How can we protect ourselves?  What should we be doing?  We have been seeing a psychologist to try to help us deal with the relationship that we must have with her which is where we first heard of BPD.  We have been to a child psychologist to help us understand how we can better relate to the children who, we think are told things about us and are told not to say anything to us.  We want to help them if they are stressed. What else are we to do - how can we be proactive if she is leading up to something?

Thanks in advance - this is frusturating!!
Grace

[mistoffolees]

Document everything. Save the emails. Record the conversations if you're allowed to in your state.

If she actually does something, you'll have a history saying that she's made these accusations for years and never took action - so she obviously didn't think they were serious.

As for being proactive, don't do it. First, you put yourself in the position of being the aggressor. Second, you let her run your life if you do that. Live your life properly, make sure the kids receive the care they should, and don't lose sleep over the ex. If she does something, you can respond then. Don't buy trouble.

[catherine]

Don't engage her.  Don't shoot things back at her.  One or two sentences written in a business-like manner is all you need.  i.e. your statements are false and not appreciated - please stop giving the children 20 questions and drilling them about our time together - it puts them in an uncomfortable spot - always make it about your concern for the children and never engage in name calling or getting all defensive!
----------------------------------------------
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

[H Cole]

That is called emotional abuse you can take the children to a family therapist and save everything record all conversations if you have to pick up the children your fiance can arrange for someone to go and pick up the children or have the mother meet at a neatral place such as the local police station that way if anything does go down then you are in a safe enviroment.