please any help

[bjacobi]

I am in the middle of a divorce but do not have an attorney. I moved out she kept everything, so I am starting all over then she fabricated a story that I made a threat to her so she got a protection order which automatically gave her custody of our 12 year old son. so after that she controlled when, where and how long I see my son and pick up and drop off location. she would have me pick him up at 1:30 in the morning at her house and either take him to school the next morning or drop him off in the afternoons at her house on days he did not have school and then he would stay with me every other weekend.
This worked great for awhile she filed for divorce and when we went to court she had her attorney postpone the court date. her attorney advised me that it was postponed and I would have to start paying child support which I did for two months and everything was fine, then I tried this legal advice council and they advised me I should not be paying child support until ordered by the court. So I informed my wife I was going to hold off on the child support until we go to court she then called the police and said I violated the protection order Because I left some tuition papers on her door for my son( she was not home) so the police arrested me, I went to court they issued another No Contact Order for 2 years and I can't call or talk to my son she won't let him call me. I have to go to Domestic Violence classes and pay for  those every month plus the fines from this whole mess and I have never had anything violent in my life. I make alright money but I am broke from having to start over plus sitting in jail over this I missed work. All the attorney's want $7500.00+ up front attorneys I just don't have it and have no means to get it. I don't know what to do? Do I start paying the support again? Do I not? Somebody please help it has been 2 months since I have heard from my son and if I try to contact him she wii call the police, And I can't afford to go to jail again.

[ocean]

Do you have anything court ordered on visitation of your son? What exactly does it say? Does you son want to visit you? (at 12 he has some say with the courts)

You can file yourself for  visitation. Come up with a parenting plan. Have it written that you will pick-up child at school or at a public place. You need to get VERY specific plan. Include times/ dates for holidays/school breaks/summers.

Finish the classes as fast as you can so that you can show the court that you finished that part.

Good luck!

[kids05]

I feel for you my ex is a saint compared to yours.  I started paying support as soon as I moved out don't know if that was the right thing to do or not.  Do you have a lawyer if so what does he say.  I don't any faith in lawyers.  its all formality.  mine did nothing for me he thought he did wonderful with the visitation he got me, but that was never the problem my ex loves when I have them.  I know this is hard for you but some day your son with figure out what your ex is doing and he will resent her for it.  Have you ever checked the website ANCPR.  You can purchase information about divorce and your legal rights.  Its full of information including domestic violence issues.  good luck

[Ref]

OK

First thing first. You can't afford to NOT have an attorney. I know it is hard. I know you probably don't want to dig into debt, but I will tell you that your chances of being screwed out of visitation and screwed with CS go up exponentially if you don't have an attorney.

Get yourself some credit card debt. Talk to several Family Law attornies and ask them about payment plans. Ask your employer for a loan. You may have to tap into your 401k.

The first order that you get from the court is the one that it sticks with for the most part, so this is the time you need to invest in your interests as a parent. It is much more difficult and expensive to get the order changed.

You can't depend on the lawyer to know everything or do everything for you no matter how expensive they are. You have to follow the orders that you are under now to the letter. You should keep an organized folder of communications to and from your ex, all court related documents. You should research what the standard visitation agreement is for your jurisdiction (start by doing a google search with the name of your county and "standard visitation)

Another thing a lawyer can do for you is to be an (expensive) intermediary between you and your ex. This will help because if you have an order to stay away from your ex, the lawyer can communicate with her regarding visitation.

Oh! the child support thing. If you are not ordered to pay child support DO NOT pay it to your ex unless you want to consider it a gift. Instead, take that money and put it in a savings account for the inevitable order for past child support when the real child support order is set. Many courts will order retroactive support even if you have already been paying. This means you would double pay. This also will incentivise your ex to keep moving on the visitation order and not drag her feet.

Keep your nose clean and keep coming back to these boards. This site has been the most important resource I have had since being involved in my husband's divorce and child support/ visitation issue.

Ref

[Davy]

There is a lot of information on this site covering many aspects of divorce, custody, visitation, support, etc. matters.  Click on the articles section at the bottom of the main forums page.  

These articles have been formulated over the years by the site administrators and other posters with administrative overview and approval.