a couple questions... Help

[superdad01]

recently my 5 year old daughter has informed me that she is spending some nights over at her mothers boyfriends house with her mother. (they are engaged to married sometime soon) She even informed me that she slept in the bed with them. I feel this is inapporiate.

As some of you know I have been to hell and back with this woman and I see us going back to court here shortly becase after 4 long years she will supposedly be able to work as a rn and her income will rise alot. I have been trying to get overnights for quite a while.

Now her boyfriend conviently lives next door to her parents house so it makes it virtually impossible to know when who stays where and so forth.

i also have a first right of refusal in my order and on certain nights of the week mother is not there when I drop her off at her parents house. She has some sort of night class. I know I could refuse to drop her off but that is only gonna make the situation worse because I have already dealt with it. She claims to not have access to her boyfriends car that she has driven every day for the last 4 years. Well she can pick up the child when the situation benefits her... I even have video of her picking up the child at my residence.


Help>>>>

[mistoffolees]

What does your divorce decree say about overnight guests? It's not uncommon for there to be wording along the lines of 'no overnight guests other than family'. If so, then you have grounds to file for contempt.

If not, you have to try to get that language inserted into the agreement when you go back to change it. However, if they're getting married soon, it won't do you much good.

You could certainly make an issue of sleeping in the same bed as them, but again, this might be a problem. Some child care experts say that there's nothing wrong with kids sleeping with their parents. Does that apply to stepparents (after they're married)? I don't think I've ever seen it addressed. Perhaps you could get the judge to order them not to have the child sleep with them, but IMHO, it might do more harm than good (depending on the judge).

Personally, my daughter sleeps with me on occasion when she's not feeling well or is particularly frightened about a book she read or a story someone tells her. OTOH, my stepdaughters never slept with their mother and me. So I agree that there's a distinction between parents and stepparents in this case, but I'm not sure a judge would agree.

[Davy]

Yes, yes, yes it is very inappropriate for a young girl to be in bed with a grown man.  Generally speaking and normally, one should not ask or interfere with the other parent's household.  Clearly this situation is way beyond the pale.

Geesh !  It does not matter if he is the mother's boyfriend or husband or if the mother is encouraging or accepting.  I also would be amazed if any judicial, legal, or govt. social agency entity would  approve this behavior (and if someone does then publically humilate them; whatever).

I think you should consider TELLING your daughter this is WRONG and not to do this no matter what but be sure to tell her it is not her fault.

TELL the mother NOT to ever let this happen again.  There is no excuse or room for discussion.