Issues...

[superdad01]

OK if any of you have been following my on-going saga regarding my case I got some questions. I was wondering if anyone could help.

We have court order which has selected times for my parenting time. I have considerable parenting time with the child and am still attempting to get full joint physical custody.

Our schedules have changed considerably since the last court order. Child started school and I changed work shifts from 3rd to 1st. (to accomendate overnight parenting time weekly.)

In Dec 07 my shift time changed from 5am-1:30pm to 7am -330pm. I used to get my daughter daily at 4pm but due to my new work schedule I can now attempt to get her at 5pm.

I had aggreement with mother and recently have been working a bit of overtime, which has made me miss quite a few of my daily parenting times. I always call and let mother know what is going on.

Now Mom is pissed and says if I cannot be their by 5pm don't bother showing up. Now I can understand her frustration but at the same time the situation is out of my control. Overtime is mandatory. My daughter is missing out on quality time with her father whether it be 4hrs or 1hr.

I don't know exactly how to address this situation because the bottom line is I am not avaible for my scheduled parenting time, and at the same time she is denying my time that I could have with the child.

I have printed up letter to send to the FOC explaining the situation and my desire for it to not be held against me with my ongoing custody battle. I will also be putting a copy in my court file so I have something on record, so she just can't say I quit showing up.

[ocean]

This is a tough situation. She is right on this one. If you can not make it there by the visitation time in the papers or within a half hour then she does not have to wait. She is not denying your time if you are not there by the appointed time.
The only thing I can think of is ..What time do you know if you have to stay late? 12pm? Maybe have it written that father will call mother at 12 if he needs to delay pick-up due to mandatory overtime.
If you are serious about trying to get joint physical this is not going to look good. I know you are in a tough position but you are not taking the time. Could you have someone else in your family pick her up for the hour?
Not sure what else you can do...

[wysiwyg]

well I have another opinion.  Our court order says nothing about how long either parent has to wait.

One time we were late getting this child becase mother gave us wrong information about a function that we went to and found no one there, we called her and found out they were home.  When we got to the home 45 minutes later, mother refused to give us the child.  In court later this was berought up and the JUDGE chastized the mother saying that 5 minutes, 45 or an hour - who cares, that is fathers RIGHTFUL time and she had no reason to deny it and was found in contempt and forced to make up the time she caused us to miss.  

My point - if your OT is mandatory, and not selective, I am fairly certain that the court would side in your favor, after all they do not want you to lose your job, then you can not pay CS.  You might need to get a clarification of your order addressing a way to handle the situation, or ask for a mediator to be assigned to the case to elp with these situations.  It is after all cooperative paretning and it seems that she is not being cooperative and in either case, a clarification of hte order or mediation, will be costly to you both.  Otherwise you are are the discretion of the mother until this is resolved.

[gamma]

FOC says mom should try and work with you here, cause partial parenting time is better then no parenting time.

However that is for an occassional thing, your issue is a regular on going thing. Your suppose to do as your doing, call mom as soon as you know you can't get there on time. But technically here you can't make your CO time, your cancelling. Mom does not have to keep accommodating you on a regular basis, she just has to try and work as best she can. She to has some kind of schedule, that needs to be considered here to.

Your best bet since this a regular thing at this time, is to write a letter to FOC asking for FOC to investigate and help come to a decision here on how this will go in the future. Won't do you any good just writing them a letter explaining it and having them stick it in the file, your not asking them to help solve anything.

Lots FOC could do here, including having it so you have till 12 noon or another time of the day to call mom and change the time due to overtime. They may however just tell mom she must give you the time no matter what, or they may tell you, your out of luck if you can't make it by x time.

Continue as is, and mom is fine doing as she is, cause technically you can't make your scheduled time, your cancelling. Makes no difference the reason, because it is happening on a regular basis. So your giving your time up, mom does not have to do partial or give you make up time, for you cancelling. Your only route is to take this to FOC and let it get cleared up that way.

FOC works under their guidelines, those guidelines are just that guidelines, they are not laws. The CO is the law, and your not making your CO'd time. So you need the CO to reflect the situation your going through. Common in MI to have orders reflecting your situation, cause many jobs run on overtime and that overtime has periods of lots and little throughout the year. So this is nothing new for FOC to see coming through.

[Kitty C.]

If it's not in the order as to how long she must wait for you to get there, she can't tell you it's too late to take your child.  My DH has had that in their CO for over 11 years.  In his, he has to have SS picked up for his parenting time within 45 min. or must call the BM 2 hours PRIOR to parenting time to let her know when he'll be there or he forfeits his time.  Since his weekends start at 6 pm., if he knows he's going to be late, even as late as 9 pm., if he calls BM by 4 pm. and tell her he's going to be late, she has to relinquish SS, regardless of what time it is.

And the previous poster is right also........if your OT is mandatory, it's no different than your regular hour job and you need to get the CO changed to reflect that.  If you do go to court for this, make sure you ask for some accomodation in case you might be late, like what I described above.

[superdad01]

Ok thanks guys... I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I was hoping the court might be somewhat sympthetic to my situation and possibily grant me 50/50 in the form of week on week off type of thing. As it stands now When I get her I have her 8 days out of 14 and 3-4 hrs per day as well as every other weekend. Now I pick her up at 5pm and feed her dinner and take her back home at 8pm. I honestly don't see the need to go back and forth daily.

I used to have much more time with her before her starting school. Before all this crap overtime started with my job I was still shorted an average of 40hrs per month with her.

I just want to prevent mom from stating I just quit showing up.

I know the judge remembers me. Mom is still unemployed for 4+ years. I wonder how they would like me taking another job which would probally be part-time and minimum wage.... lol Hey at least I will be able to get to my parenting time when I'm supposed too. I am tired of being penalized for being a responsible father with a full-time job.

I came up with a saying. I don't have an issue with paying childsupport. What I do have an issue with is being denied equal time with our child just to justify the amount of childsupport.

I have a meeting with another new attorney this week. I hear she's a pitbull... ( heard that before)

Wish me luck!!!

[MixedBag]

you have her much more than most NCP's do.

As for this mandatory overtime thing, EX#3 had to do that as well in his job.

I would bet that his employer wouldn't call it mandatory overtime to assist in court.

I say, call if and when you know you're gonna be late, and then show up to pick her up.

See, shoe on the other foot, and even if you think about it, if you were the one waiting on the other parent/person to pick her up and they were chronically late or constantly changing the schedule, you wouldn't be a happy camper either.

[superdad01]

LOL, actually I would be estatic that she had a job and she came to pick her up for once.  I'm not that hard to get along with. Anyways I drafted up a letter for the foc I was hoping that you all might take a glance at it and offer a critique.
__________________________________________________________
This letter is formally certifying that there will be a change in James ***** work schedule hours starting Dec 17, 2007.  Mr. ****** schedule will change from 5am - 1:30pm to 7am-3: 30pm.  At this time It has not been determined if this schedule change will be temporary or permanent.  

James ******* will not be avaible to pick up CHILD at the previously agreed 4pm weekday scheduled time. The new time agreed time for weekday parenting time would be 5pm – 8pm unless other arrangements can be made.

Ms. ***** is also aware that due to a new work policy Mr. ****** could be forced to work past his 3:30pm daily scheduled shift time and possibly be unable to pick up CHILD at 5pm.  James ****** agrees to keep Tiffany ***** informed if he cannot meet that daily scheduled pick up time. James ****** is making every attempt to spend as much time with CHILD as possible.

On April 7th 2008 Ms. ****** informed me that she is no longer satisfied with the new agreement and if I cannot be there by 5pm daily to not show up at all.  For the record I have no control over my work schedule and it is mandatory. I am forced to stay late.

It is clearly not in the best interests of our daughter to have even more quality child/father time stripped away from CHILD when she is routinely used to spending time with her father on nearly a daily basis. It is also very important to make it clear that I am trying to spend as much time as possible with our daughter. The purpose of this letter is to prevent Ms. ***** from stating, "he just quit showing up".

Now since our daughter has enrolled in school and I have changed shifts from 3rd to 1st I have lost considerable quality parenting time with our daughter. I do not wish to lose anymore. I am still seeking full joint physical custody and equal time with our child because I truly believe that equal time with both parents is what is what truly in the best interests of the child.

I am asking that you please investigate this situation and possibly help find a solution that will be benefical to the child and restore some of the lost time with her father.

I would also like to request that you please respond in writing so I can have a copy for my records.

[janM]

You should not post names on the internet. Especially your child's.
Please edit your post.

[superdad01]

OK...... I'm hoping for some critiques