My son wants to live with DAD

[trende1973]

My son is 11 yrs old and calls me everyday just about.  He is not involved in sports and spends most of his time at the babysitters.  He basically doesn't have a social life, outside of family.  The situation that he is in is a very difficult one.  You see he is the oldest of her children she has two daughters, and the two girls that she has are fathered by my first cousin. HOW SICK IS THAT! Anyways to make a long story short, My son has two brothers that I have with my fiancee and we live about 2 hours away from son.  My son says he wants to come live with his dad andf brothers, but his mother is only in the situation for the money that's involved with the child support and welfare.  I am sorry but my son is not a paycheck.  I feel that I can provide more support for my son if he was to move in with me simply because I can be involved with sports with him and make him grow up to be a responsible young man.  Because I feel that the older he gets the more he will be teased about his sister/cousin situation.  That would be rough for a child to handle.  So what can I do about this dilemma  PLEASE HELP CONCERNED FATHER

[Giggles]

at this point there isn't all that much you can do.  You might have a slight chance if you could prove that the BM is abusive, neglegent and not properly caring for the child.  Without proving those types of things, judges don't turn over custody.

You may have more of a chance when your boy is a bit older (typically after the age of 13).

[Kitty C.]

If you lived near your son, I would say let the boy 'vote with his feet'.  Many kids have taken it upon themselves if they're in a situation they can't tolerate and arbitrarily make the decision to go to the other parent on their own.  Of course, if it's not the other parent's parenting time, authorites have to be called and the child has to go back to the custodial parent.  BUT......if it happens often enough, it's a legitimate case for filing for change of custody because of a 'significant change of circumstance'.  What a lot of people don't realize is that children are not bound by custody orders, ONLY the parents are.  And if a kid wants to go to another parent badly enough and tries often enough, there aren't too many judges who will 'rule against a child's feet', if you know what I mean.  But it also has to be documented by an outside 3rd party (ie. law enforcement, school officials, CPS, etc.)

But it would be dangerous for an 11 y.o. to try something like that if he's got a long distance to travel.  In order to even file for a change in custody, you MUST prove a 'significant change in circumstance' for the child...in other words, the current environment the child is in is affecting them in a seriously adverse way, whether it be some sort of abuse or neglect (must be proven) or serious negative changes in school work.  And if the child is taking it upon themselves to find a way physically to the other parent, it can only mean the situation they were in was so intolerable, they couldn't stand it anymore.

Only you can know what the full situation is and if there's a legitimate case.  The best advice I could give you right now is to contact an atty. and lay out all the info you currently have. If you can take your son with you, so he can tell the atty. in his own words why he wants a change, that would be even better.  Only then would you know if you truely had a case.